life choices submitted to social anxiety and avoidance

Hi,

You remind me a lot of me. I have a degree in accounting. I'm on disability now. I'm a few years younger at 45. I'm male though.

It's not too late to change but it would probably be teh hardest thing you ever did. I suggest though you should do the best you can to try so you don't loose your kids too. Trust me, it could happen. It has to me.

You appear to have some traits of Paranoid Personality Disorder and avoidant personality disorder too. But that doesn't mean you are and I'm certainly not qualified to say. You could be borderline, it's all very difficult to distinguish between the different presonality disorders. What it's called is the least important thing.

I do understand this feeling that it is too late to change. My docs have given me a death sentance, one doc says 50 another says i'll make it to 55. Either way it makes me feel like why bother, its too late now. I've lost everyone, why try now.

Well as that doctor says, in the end its up to God. We are not of the same religion but that doesn't matter, we are both spiritual and we understand the power of that.

I find the avoidance side of me the most difficult to change, but being aware of the paranoia has helped me a lot. I'm still paranoid but I find myself not acting on my paranoid thoughts in most cases now.

I find myself not making the same mistake with women now. I'm still married but I've had a couple of chances to make a change but the women were of the same mold. I'm better because I refuse to set up off this marry go round and get back on another. My avoidance is a big reason I wasnt to stay married, that and I need her income. She's never gonna love me but I'm not willing to grab a hold of any female that will put up with me. I am better. I do feel better most of the time, at least emotionally.

I'm not in bliss to say the least but I'm holding up through a mighty stormy year, a really awful year. So it's not too late, see a pro and get the most out of your life. I'm fighting giving up too, it's not easy at this stage. I'm disallusioned and my stormy heart is broken. But I have a little fight in me and I'm going to keep fighting. I hope you'll join me!

Hi Snail

I know you posted this close to a year ago, but hopefully, you still check this site so we can communicate. Although I'm not quite in my 30's, I can relate to your family situation. I come from a huge family and both my mother and father had their respective favorites. It used to make me so angry as a child knowing how much they were favored over me. I still think about it but it is not quite the issue it was when I was younger.

I definitely think this type of familial situation has hurt my life in almost every aspect of relationships. I cannot make friends with friends of my own gender nor can I make friends/have relationships with those of the opposite gender. It is really frustrating and drives me crazy. People just seem to have a hard time bonding with me and I think it is because I cannot have close relationships with anyone. I am at a loss right now.

-Kyobo

Kyobo,

I can relate. It is hard forming and maintaining relationships, but I have found the key is in finding the right people. I have read (and experienced) that avoidants can open up with people they feel "safe" with. There are not many of these I have met in my lifetime, but that is what has made those relationships so special. And they seem to respect my need to "disappear" from time to time, refuse invitations and so on - they don't know that I am avoidant, but seem to just accept this as part of my personality.

Dating and relationships are the hardest, but again, it's about finding the right people. It's not easy, because being avoidant it's hard to even meet many people, but maybe you just have to trust that it can happen someday somehow if you want it. I found my relationship in the most unlikely way and it was the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me in my life. Unfortunately, though, it had to end... I just hold out hope that if it can happen once it can happen again. It makes all the difference when you finally find someone who can understand you. It's hard for AvPDs to open up, but when you find the person that will allow you to allow yourself to do this it can totally change your world - even make you feel normal afterall!