Can an AvPD not care at all about other's opinions?

Is it possible for an AvPD to not care at all about being criticised in public, being "ridiculed", failing in front of a group, being pointed and laughed at by a group of 20+ people, etc?

I say that because the way I feel I had a general idea that maybe while I don't consider myself SPD at all anymore, I have a general feeling of becoming akin to an AvPD. But the thing is that while I am somewhat depressed right now, I still don't give a particle of importance of what people think of me. It's as if it doesn't even count into the balance. Sometimes I try to imagine how somebody could embarass me, and I really don't see how he could do it.

Like the karate teacher today still made fun of me in some ways, both because he knows I don't really care at all about having others using me as a comic relief and also because I can be quite absent minded. Also the locker-room's door is directly facing the hall, and some people just leave the door wide open, and I don't necessarily have the reflex to "close" that door when I change, as if I kind of don't even take other people into consideration. (Well, I always end up closing it before it's too late, but it's more to avoid being perceived as a weirdo than from actual fear of being seen.)

But now, the teacher also gave me the assignment to "have torque, have emotional power", which sounds like something you'd say to an SPD... (No matter how angry, I am "unexplodable". My sister says that it must be fun to have karate classes, so you can expulse your anger... but no matter how frustrated I am, there isn't that "internal pressure" making me want to hit harder. Actually yes, I "want" to, but there isn't any power gained, which can be quite frustrating.)

Peptron wrote:Is it possible for an AvPD to not care at all about being criticised in public, being "ridiculed", failing in front of a group, being pointed and laughed at by a group of 20+ people, etc?

This sounds horrifying to me! Isn't extreme fear of rejection/criticism one of the most defining features of AvPD?

Peptron wrote:But now, the teacher also gave me the assignment to "have torque, have emotional power", which sounds like something you'd say to an SPD... (No matter how angry, I am "unexplodable".

"Unexplodable" is pretty much how I feel. I often feel like I'm on the verge of just going nuts, but I can never really express all the anger and frustration I feel - normally it gets turned inward and I suffer depression and anxiety (well, actually this is pretty much always).

When I'm feeling very negative I usually want to break things, but because I stifle myself/don't know how to let it out, I was cutting instead to release.

strugglebox wrote:

Peptron wrote:Is it possible for an AvPD to not care at all about being criticised in public, being "ridiculed", failing in front of a group, being pointed and laughed at by a group of 20+ people, etc?

This sounds horrifying to me! Isn't extreme fear of rejection/criticism one of the most defining features of AvPD?

Yeah... maybe I should stop saying that I am no longer SPD or am slipping into AvPD and just go get a checkup...

Maybe I have just a too narrow view of SPD since I felt depressed/anxious recently, but it's not people related. Well, yes, but not that way.

"Unexplodable" is pretty much how I feel. I often feel like I'm on the verge of just going nuts, but I can never really express all the anger and frustration I feel - normally it gets turned inward and I suffer depression and anxiety (well, actually this is pretty much always).

When I'm feeling very negative I usually want to break things, but because I stifle myself/don't know how to let it out, I was cutting instead to release.

You know I always feel like this. I have a lot of trouble expressing my anger and it ends up overwhelming me. Sometimes I want to let it out by screaming or punching something and even though the desire and the anger is there, there is just this one second delay between thought and reaction that makes it unsatisfactory. It's sort of as I felt angry and I saw something to punch and then there is a "should I punch it? Yeah it's OK" but by the time I end up doing it it just isn't the same. Does that make any sense?

complete and total sense. I have to force myself to feel emotions (I want to feel them), psych myself into crying (it's maybe watery eyes or one drop)...

I always wonder if other people actually feel those emotions on the fly and don't regulate them. That would be nice, if a little out of control.

I wanna be out of control!

Me too! I wanna lose it already!

You know, In my 18 years on earth I have never truly expressed what I feel and I fear that someday I might break and end up in some kind of institution for the mentally ill.

And I too have to force myself to cry. I usually do it before I go to sleep when I'm feeling really really depressed. I insult and beat myself up in my mind until a few drops come out. I feel like $#%^ for the night but I feel so much better after doing it that I guess, it's worth it.