Hello please can I have some help

Hi , I am new here, I wasn't sure where else to get support from, I don't think I can bring myself to see my GP about any of this, I feel embarrassed and worry that it will all look very bad. But it is nice to read that I am not alone with this, I have been extremely shy all my life, but now I am even more shy and sensitive and care a lot about what people think of me to the point I can't function properly at i.e. work or even with my family because I get worried I don't belong or they'll think negative things about me, I am aware of how stupid it is now, I don't really speak much because I don't think I have much to say, and people will think I'm stupid, and then I feel stupid for thinking that, it's just a cycle of misery and feeling like a nobody who doesn't belong, or just inadequate, i just wish I was happy really, I used to have fantastic kind friends who helped me get through things despite my shyness, but now I don't really have anyone and am scared to make new friends but I do try because I know I do need friends, as a kid I suppose I was very lucky to have a loving family and good friends but now I feel very alone and have over the last year or so isolated myself, I have a lot of trouble even talking to my own family and get all teary around them because I feel I don't belong there, I just don't feel happy, my head is constantly swimming in self loathing and negative thoughts and occasionally they stop being suppressed and I get very emotionally unstable, is this definitely avoidant pd? I just want the opinion from others who suffer from it, I've always been shy and not very good socially but I'm starting to realise its maybe a bit more than that, would appreciate any thoughts, it does worry me when I can't even talk to my own fantastic family who have always supported me, I feel awful for it too, i just ruin things for them, is this normal for someone with avpd? I wish I was someone else sometimes, i would like to be happy not just for my sake but for my family's sake.

Welcome to the forum, Ghost123

Hi Ghost123 and welcome to the forum. We are not allowed to diagnose in this forum so I'm afraid you won't be able to get any answers as to whether or not you are AVPD here.. and even if we could do that, it would be almost impossible to diagnose somebody over the internet. I think it is probably hard enough IRL.

I don't know how old you are but it's good you are starting to seek help. Shyness and the like can be total life ruiners. So maybe there are some things you can do that will not require having you go to your GP or anybody for help -- that is probably the best thing IMO but I can't do that either so I understand.

Not sure what you have tried, but I know that Cognitive Behavior Therapy is one thing. You can even find workbooks that could lead you through some exercises.. And speaking of exercise, is it possible for you to get some of that? Even if you have to do things like pushups or jogging in the house.

I think a possible road out of your misery is rooted in expanding your comfort zone in a systematic way. Everything that is supposed to help really tends to lead to expanding your comfort zone. What I sometimes suggest is sitting down and writing a list of major goals -- ie getting a good job, getting friends, getting married, etc. That are huge goals but the path to them can be broken down into teeny tiny mini steps. Start with one goal. Maybe making friends. Then break that down into very small steps. Maybe you can't really leave the house or you have trouble walking around the block. Those can even be broken down into steps. Then take your list and start with the least challenging. (This should be a list where you can cross off each step when accomplished). Perform the least challenging step. If you fail, you either try again or break it down into smaller steps. When you succeed at a step, make sure to cross it off -- do not just delete it because this list will be proof of what you have achieved and you need it to boost your confidence. Then go to the next step.

YMMV and I fully understand that this process will not help everybody. But it is something to try. And also remember that since you are shy and haven't been able to get out much, your social skills are a bit rusty because you haven't had the practice others have had. That is very important because it is what you use if a step doesn't go very smoothly. Without that bit of knowledge it is easy to think In catastrophic incurable ways, such as "I'm so bad at talking to people, I'll never be any good". Practice.. that's the magic word.

Best of luck to you. Let us know how you are doing and I hope this advice helps some, even if in a tiny way.