I Think I Might Lose My Job :/

Bad news, bad day. I started a new job a few weeks ago, it pays decently and has the potential to advance me greatly in my chosen career, unlike previous jobs which were kind of dead-end. The bad news is, my lack of social skills is getting me into hot, hot water.

I'm okay with the customers, our encounters are brief enough. What I do have a lot of trouble with are the workers. I don't know how to socialize or hold a decent conversation. I don't even know how to interject when someone else is telling a story or say anything beyond, "That's interesting," "hmm," "okay." I think that the latter makes up 99% of my average dialogue.

Long story short, the other workers are not only unimpressed, they are starting to suspect me of more than just lack of social skills I was taken to the back room today (the second time in a week) and was basically told that the staff suspects me of being a creepy pervert with alterior motives. That made me feel really grand- I basically want to shrivel up and die. Being struck dead would be nice. Excellent.

You see, when I go downstaris to write my schedule for the next week, people wonder what I'm doing down there. They time me, and if they think I've been down there too long, they ask, why?. Last week I got reported for being "mysteriously downstairs too long" ?? Another problem: the employees where I work make a lot of sexual jokes and tell dirty stories. I made a very thin joke last week, pretty PG-13 I thought, and they reported it to the boss as being disturbing. You know, creepy. Perverted. They found this type of joke "upsetting" when it came out of my mouth, but all right when they do it every day. Eye yai yai- I know to keep my lips shut about sex now That, and not go anywhere where no one can see me for more than a minute or so, so they can't find reason to suspect me of anything Rules upon little rules...

But that's not the worst of it. The worst is that one of the workers accused me of putting my hands too close to her chest (???) when I was by her, which made her "uncomfortable." You know, like maybe I'm a pervert or something trying to grope her, what with my ulterior motives and all. WTF?? I'm a woman, I'm not into same-sex groping, for God's sake! I don't even remember this cr*p! When did I put my hands too close to her "chest bubble", of which I may not cross? This had to've been by accident. The boss asks me, "do you remember this?" and I'm like, "??" the hell?! So a new rule: never raise your hands anywhere near the bodies of other employees. Walk with hands glued to sides. But smile, you know, and act all socialble, because the only way you're ever going to keep this job is if you get to be their friends RIGHT NOW, and they stop thinking you're a psycho sexual weirds who might be, I dunno, lurking in the downstairs rooms???

Oh, dear. What the hell am I going to do? How do you convince someone that you're just QUIET, is all, not very good at this social stuff? How do you tell someone that you DON'T have some weird, secret ulterior motives? They don't trust me at all. I need to earn their trust, be social and friendly and unobjectionable, or else I know what will happen. 3 strikes and you're out. This was Strike 1. 2 lives left and it's out on your ass.

Jesus, I'm just trying to do a good job and advance my career and make people tolerate me, and I manage to offend everybody I want this paycheck, I want to learn these skills, I want to get along with my co-workers and smile and be happy and laugh and share with them everything that I like and don't like and what I did on the weekend and all the social rules, but I don't know how to do this!!! I clam up! I don't want to come-off looking stupid, and I end up looking like a pervert :/

I don't know what kind of place you work but if that's possible, try looking for transfer opportunity or switching shift if you can't stand people you're working with(and vice versa).

That's the part I never liked about blue collar or service jobs: the group spirit is way too strong. My 1st summer job(painter in alum work) was really in a strong ties team and the review at the end of contract was fair except that I was too much keeping to myself. That's probably why the next year they included me with the regular workers in an area with only me and another older guy. That was perfect, the job was easier, better paid and we had separate tasks.

Now, I work in a gov. building in computer software maintenance. Everybody here mainly cares about if you're doing your job or not and small talk is pretty much reduced to its bare minimum. Having strong union rules, they can't do lay-offs or fire anybody except for breaking confidentiality rules or a real(I mean REAL) lack of competence.

Unfortunately, people who lacks social skills must have really specialized(almost unique) skills and training to get the bigger end in a workplace.

Have you ever met someone who has their hands glued to their sides with a constant smile on their face and who never remains silent for more than five seconds?

Yea. We introverts are the ones who are creepy and deranged.

I always found it extremely irritating that in American society (maybe this is true for other countries; I don't know) people actually think it's a good thing for you to blurt out whatever you're thinking and never give any forethought to what you say. Whereas, people who think before they speak... Well, those dangerous people belong in some kind of institution!

I was sacked for something similar about a year ago (not worked since).. If you're not the life and soul of the party, anything you do with a humourous intention is often misconstrued as 'creepy and sick'. I don't know why people are allowed to jump to these conclusions, especially when I was told I wasn't allowed to the same.

I tried to fit in, but I've learned my lesson now.

Thanks, guys. It feels good having other people who "get it," even in the far reaches of cyberspace.
Unfortunately, I can't transfer and there's only one shift- these people are buddy-buddy-buddy, except for me, the odd duck who must be dangerous or something . It gets to me that they can tell each other all about their trips to sex stores (no kidding, like I wanna hear that?), tattoos in unmentionable areas and their adventures in the bedroom, but if I crack one weak friggin' joke it's me who gets written up. Offensive and upsetting? And their penis tattoo conversations are NOT offensive and upsetting?
God help my sorry arse.

Well, I think of it this way- it's partially my fault for freaking them out in the first place (by not being chatty enough), partially theirs for panicking. I guess at least half of this problem needs to be fixed, and they aren't fixing theirs, so it's gotta be my half. I wish I knew how to fix that more effectively (??) I guess I'll just say whatever is on my mind at that moment, granted that it's not in any way negative or sexual or opinionated or the slightest bit controversial and is entirely happy. That will be a bit tricky, all things considered.
And when they talk about their naughty tats, I'll just not say a word, because any word I say that has a sexual connotation will probably nip me in the ass

damned extroverts, I was lucky to have worked in many places
where time was money, and there was little time for socializing.

seems like you have more trouble opening up than even i do,
if you add in the right ammount of semi interesed "yea but then
what happened?" 's etc. well, they will thankfully keep talking
for a while so you dont have to. try and look away and act almost
like your missing something, like youd love to chat, but damnit
ive only got like 15 mins before i have to do this thing or that.
etc, there are body language ways of subtly avoiding further
conversation without offending ppl... much.

well, im sorry about your job, i worked with extroverts (in a restaurant) where i said little, sort of flirted with this one chick
there, but i never asked her out, and aparently they had been
talking behind my back etc etc etc, you all know the drill.

I got this comment about comming out of the closet and i damned
near freaked. i kept my mouth shut, turned my back and got back
to work. ive been considered gay many times, in many ways subtle
and overt over the years, cause i dont jump after every lifted
tail. in fact, i jump at damned near none of em....

I am far less gay, than dudes who seek to screw anything and
everything with two legs. afterall, heterosexuality is SPECIAL
to me, and means next to nothing to the hyper-extroverted.

consider this, WE VALUE HUMAN FEELINGS AND IDEAS, far more
than the hyperextroverted, who are just waiting for their turn to talk.

consider talking to your psych, and changing med lvls if you are
taking meds, else consider it. if theirs heart wqrenching pain involved, you simply shouldnt work there, but you must work.
somewhere.

also, it bothers the hell out of me when dudes talk about getting
laid around me, and i bother them cause... im the only guy not
cheering him on, and contributing my own stories of pounding that
chick from the bar while my wife was in the hospital giving birth
to my second child.

i hate this aspect of life.

want to meet up and screw around? (kidding)

ag.

want to meet up and screw around? (kidding)

hehehehehehe

Seriously, we should all band together and form a cult, is what I think. Half the time people think we belong to one anyways- the Silent Psycho Club, or People You Just Can't Trust Because They're Different. Didn't Kenny Rogers once say, "I'm sure I would have liked him more- if he were a little more like me"?

I'm thinking of going back to me dead-end job. It was doorknob-dead, yes, but it sucked a lot less than this.

Too me, it sounds like to working with bunch of personality bigots. Without knowing the joke you told, the fact that they reported you for telling a joke that probably wasn't offensive to them show this.

Your different from them and they can't handle it. They're the ones with problem, not you.

Why not report them for the offensive things they are saying. Fight fire with fire. That's big ask for a avoidant I know. But what's the worst that can happen, your get fired, well your heading that well already from all reports.

Sounds like they are ganging up on you. You could start taking notes on all their dirty jokes and start reporting them. Document everything. Put it all in writing. Your boss will know that you are serious and hopefully back down.

Hi Little fish;

I read your post and i thought to myself that you haven't a hope in hell of fitting in with these small minded imbeciles.
Really.

But i can give you a couple of words of my own experiences.

1. Even if you don't like these guys they want you to like and admire them. So find one that's not so difficult and boost their ego. Make like you are interested in their stupid life. In my experience there's a little narcissist in most and they LOVE to talk about themselves.

2. The three month rule. In some places it's like six months. Thats my code for keeping your mouth shut and don't have any opinion of your own, unless it is excately the same as the 'leader' and then you back them up.

3. Do not gossip or pass comment on gossip unless it's by a 'leader' and then follow rule 2.

4. If they really don't like you enough all of the above won't help.

Seriously tell them to go fcuk themselves. You'll lose your job but you will walk out head held high.