Think I have this

I've spent my life fearing being told off, or criticised. I have avoided keeping friends cos of fear of them finding something to not like. I have no friends and struggle with the fear of criticism at work which is causing me huge anxiety as I work with the boss. This is all getting worse and noticeable in my life. ( I'm 45) only saw this disorder today and it fits
I go from job to job not knowing why. I would rather stay at home and do my partners books full time so I can stay away from people but he can't take me on full time. I hate being around others and am getting exhausted.

I hear you. It's rough. I even have a diploma in IT but don't really want the stress. I might start looking at more solo jobs like overnight desk clerk at a hotel, or hotel clean-up, or janitor or something.

Once, when I was attending college I would see the janitor there and think to myself, "How can this janitor be here, at a college, every day, and never think to himself, "Maybe I should take a few classes and get a better job" then I realized they probably are happy enough where they are. Solo and with less stress, I imagine.

Edit: Hmm, do I have any tips at all? Try to not be afraid of making mistakes. Quash the perfectionism and realize you are (only) human and will make mistakes. Don't beat yourself up over them. Don't call yourself stupid - no negative self-talk. And criticism only really hurts if it's true. It's hard to hear the truth, but just try to get better and learn from your mistakes, I guess. Good luck!

Have you tried any type of therapy? Cognitive behavioral therapy helps many people. Is your boss a jerk? That happened to me at my last workplace. I posted about it on here a lot. She was horrible and my condition deteriorated. She yelled at me a lot and gave me way too much work. I finally got laid off and I seriously considered going for disability. I spent a year out of work, but I finally got a job that isn't too bad. I don't have to deal with nearly as many people as I did in my last job. My work gets underrated, but I don't get yelled at anymore.

Parador wrote:I finally got laid off and I seriously considered going for disability. I spent a year out of work, but I finally got a job that isn't too bad.

Is it bad if you go on disability?
For how long can you receive disability?

HotPepper wrote:Is it bad if you go on disability?
For how long can you receive disability?

I am on disability. I think the process is a little different from one country to the next. I live in Australia and for me it was a lengthy process, not helped by dr's not filling in my first application correctly. (Second application with a different Dr went through within about a week). When it was granted though, it took a massive amount of pressure off me. I still work one day a week (I am required to do some work or study) and am looking for a new job at the moment. Your eligibility does get reviewed from time to time.

I don't see it as a permanent solution, and would like to find myself a better suited job that I could eventually do more days with, but it's allowing me some space to deal with things and try to find a more suitable job without having to stress about needing to find something NOW. Before while I was trying to work 3-4 days a week I was regularly hitting the wall and needing to take time off work (living in an emotionally abusive environment didn't help). Financially, it's nothing spectacular, but it's enough to get by on, I'm thrifty, which helps, and it has allowed me to move out of that abusive environment into my own place.

One thing I will say about it though- while I was incredibly grateful it was granted, and it's made things so much easier, I also felt quite uncomfortable with the idea that I was officially "disabled"- something that even after a few years now I can still feel weird about sometimes.