CBT: Lying to yourself?

Hey there,
Has anyone else received CBT for your avpd and just thought the whole thing was BS? I went through 6 weeks inpatient treatment at a behavioral hospital and the therapist's treatment centered around CBT and changing how I perceived reality, it just felt like the whole concept of CBT was a waste of time. They would try to argue that my feelings of inadequacy and low self worth weren't really based on reality by pointing out success I've had at work, but I wasn't buying it.

I'm not making a blanket statement that CBT is bad for everyone, but for me it seemed to hinge on accepting that I wasn't making rational assessments of myself and others, which I flatly rejected. I may not be worth other people's time (yeah self pity there), but I believe myself to be a rational person. To be fair, I never brought these thoughts up with the therapist because I was afraid disagreement with their treatment would be passed on as a negative assessment to my employer (I don't have 100% confidentiality in my field).

Unfortunately, I decided CBT wasn't for me and that my negative opinions of myself were justified. It's been a couple years since I last went through treatment and I don't even know where I'd go if I tried again. It's not that I believe I'm a total failure, I know there's some good qualities I possess. It's just that all the traits I wish I had but find myself lacking lead me to believe I cannot live a well adjusted social life and find meaning in relationships.

timmer wrote:They would try to argue that my feelings of inadequacy and low self worth weren't really based on reality by pointing out success I've had at work, but I wasn't buying it.

Well, it seems to me that feelings are feelings.

Personally i try sometimes to rationalise - for me it works sometimes for very small things.
For instance sometimes replace todo lists by done lists. So i can feel proud of seeing the list growing, instead of the opposite.

Unfortunately, I decided CBT wasn't for me and that my negative opinions of myself were justified.

Is it opinion or feeling?

It's just that all the traits I wish I had but find myself lacking lead me to believe I cannot live a well adjusted social life and find meaning in relationships.

So you know what you would like to develop?

I kind of agree in a way that CBT feels like it's lying to yourself when you have low self esteem. But I have to say I've heard a lot of success stories, so maybe it's something that you have to just keep working at in order for it to help.

I suspect the roots of low self-esteem run deep, too deep for CBT to reach.

Perhaps if you were to explore and identify the causes of low self-esteem with a therapist, you could take that knowledge to CBT and have more success.

CBT just feels like lying to myself too. Like let's say I go into a social situation doing something that scares me. Maybe I go to a meetup group. I will myself to talk to people and stick out the whole thing. Nothing horrible happens. No one made any disparaging comments or ignored me. But I'd be lying to myself if I took that as "I'm averagely pleasant and not-annoying. People totally can't see my insecurity." But I've had therapists who try to nudge me to conclude that from my interactions. Instead of something more realistic like--nothing horrible happened, even if they were bored by me or very mildly irritated. It doesn't mean I'll be alone forever or something.

I know my hypervigilence shows through. It affects my body language and stuff. If I weren't busy worrying and stressing and tensing, people would react differently and more positively. But I can't not care at all...I've tried actually. To be free, easy, breezy, and then I swing the other way and I'm still not normal. I look like I'm in some sort of cult, or I have no filter and I seem very self centered and tactlessly honest. I've gotten comments before that I look like a serial killer. In theory, with CBT, you just have to repeat the process! And remember, no irrational thoughts! Don't be pessimistic! You couldn't possibly manage to look like you're in a cult forever, you'd have to learn eventually...

So have I practiced it accurately enough to conclude that CBT might not be worth trying for myself and something else might work better? Even though CBT at this point in time is pretty much the gold standard for anxiety disorders? I guess not. But I still think whatever is going to help me is going to come from some other strategy. And possibly Ketamine/LSD/GHB/MDMA.

Yeah, CBT feels useless sometimes, but really is mood based. I don't like to distinguish myself as bipolar and I'm not at all, but I sometimes feel therapists are useless no matter the approach.

This reminded me of this video I saw the other night. I remember her talking about this a bit - how CBT doesn't work if you don't believe it or lie to yourself. Something like that.

AvPD and What Works Better than CBT

In-Some-Niak wrote:This reminded me of this video I saw the other night. I remember her talking about this a bit - how CBT doesn't work if you don't believe it or lie to yourself. Something like that.

AvPD and What Works Better than CBT

Her videos are great...I've found them to be immensely informative. I also like staring at her 'cause she's cute.

I've told my therapists exactly that so many times. I don't do CBT anymore, but I think the answer lies somewhere in the middle to be honest. It still seems like CBT paints the world in this completely issue-free light, but seeing as we suffer from AvPD, our own ideas are really to be trusted either.

Stopping CBT probably didn't hurt you. I don't think it works well for most of us anyway. Have you looked at other options? Maybe DBT or Mentalization-based therapy?