how to change my life?

I'm 20, a student who from next October will have been to 3 universities in 3 years, I have no summer job, I never go out and I ignore my friends when they call, and I'm a failure romantically who is still depressed over a girl who I was too avoidant to tell how I felt. I am scared to go to bed at night, because I don't want to be alone with my thoughts. I've acknowleded this, which makes me happier, and I'm prepared to make the changes necessary. But, I don't know where to begin. Does anyone have any advice?

I don't know too much, so take my advice with discretion, but I'm going to try going to my universities counseling center. Maybe yours can help you. I think mine has some kind of group therapy thing.

Have you worked at all? I think it would be good to go out and find a part time job. Do volunteer work maybe.

My experience with women is that you should not get upet over any who you were too avoiddant to approach - it probably wouldn't have worked anyway. You really have to find some way to put that behind you so you will be ready if there is another opportunity. You will have to build your self confidence first.

I would suggest getting a psychological profile.

Parador wrote:Have you worked at all? I think it would be good to go out and find a part time job. Do volunteer work maybe.

My experience with women is that you should not get upet over any who you were too avoiddant to approach - it probably wouldn't have worked anyway. You really have to find some way to put that behind you so you will be ready if there is another opportunity. You will have to build your self confidence first.

I haven't worked, but I will when I get back from visiting family abroad. Hopefully.

With this girl; I know what you mean, but I never felt this way before, and she got my joes, sought me out as a friend etc., - but she had a boyfriend, I developed feelings, and not knowing what to do, I cut her out of my life. I realsie I need to get over it, but I feel depressed .

Thanks for your advice though. I did go out with 2 old friends today, and it was fun.

To the poster above: what do you mean a psychological profile? where do I get such a thing? I'm avoidant, basically; I need to know how to overcome this.

Hi Tim;

I think that is a good attitude that you want to over come your avoidant tendencies. I think having the label AvPD may make it easier Not to try and find ways to help yourself. It is not an exclusive club that you have to prove you belong.

Only you know how much pain your behaviour causes you. i think the problem is when you give up, I certainly have in recent times. But accepting yourself to a certain degree can be calming.

You can say 'I know I am like this, but i am willing to try and find help.' or you can say 'I am like this and i feel safe, the process of change is too difficult'

The boundery between what is comfortable for you and how much more you want to achieve can only be set by you.

I have come a long way if i take the time to reflect, but the voice in my head is entirely negative. i have been trying Cognitive Therapy lately which seeks to get a person to Challenge the negative voice, to look at the automatic thoughts which cripple us.

I wish you so much strength and all good thoughts for your goals.

Linda

Sure, I've got advice, but some people say you get what you pay for, meaning free advice has no value. More disclaimers: I'm not a health care professional and have no experience in the care of any mental health professional. I'm reading and posting here, so I haven't solved my own problems, and my advice could be mistaken.

Get back to university and finish the program for some degree. Whatever your problems and whether you get those resolved or not, you need to be able to support yourself. You don't want to realize a few years from now that you still have your current problems, but they are now compounded by being unemployed or underemployed, hating your job, and having money problems that interfere with resolving any other problems.

Completing your education and getting yourself started in some career are related to resolving your current fears, as well. School and work are typical places to make social connecitons with friends or romantic partners. Go back to school.

Whatever your major is, there must be some groups or clubs associated with it. Join them. Even if they seem geeky, join and attend. Sometimes there's free food involved; what college student can't use some free food. Find other groups you can participate in through school or do volunteer work. If you aren't putting yourself into situations where you might have to interact socially, you're not going to learn how to deal with these feelings and overcome them. Even if you are reluctant to initiate conversations, I think you will find other people who will start the conversations. Just make sure you respond. You might also stop and jot down 3 general interest topics (something in the news, a recently released movie you've read about, or something going on at the university) before you go to a meeting so you have something to keep a conversation going that someone else starts.

There -- that's my advice.