Where do I start? Help please.

Ive never done anything like this before so im not sure what I am supposed to do or if I am doing it right so sorry if this is all wrong.

Ive always felt out of place. Like im not like others. Like people dont get me. Even my supposed best friend. I could never get why I cant do things that people seem to do so easily. Like make conversation. Always have an answer to a question. Never panic. Or go pink and sweat when someone talks to you. Or never be able to walk into a shop if the door is closed. I 'googled' how I was feeling and all the different things I kept reading lead me back to AvPD. The problem I have is, I dont know where to start. Who do I talk to?

The last time I tried to talk to a doctor about how I was feeling as I was suffering from Anxiety Attacks and mild depression she told me to change my diet and sent me to see a mental nurse who all of a sudden moved addresses and I never heard from her so she obviously didnt believe me. Now I dont trust anyone enough to say anything about it, thank heavens for the anonimity of the internet.

I would list out all the different feelings and reactions I have to certain situations but it would probably just read like something you would see on some website and you wouldnt believe me or something. But say for example someone did feel like some of the symptoms say. What should they do? What would be the first step? Please take into consideration that this person might be so scared of making a phone call that she uses approximately 4 of the 400 minutes she gets with her mobile every month.

Thanks if you have read this far along. I hope you can maybe suggest something because I dont want to feel like this for the rest of my life im just not sure what to do.

How old are you? When i was a teenager it was the worst. I gradually learned to interact better, but it took a long time as I didn't have any help.

I have found that gradual desensitization to anxiety producing situations usually works. For example, I was really scared to drive down to Boston, but ealier this year I just sucked it up and did it. Now I can drive to Boston without too much trouble.

It helps to study the theory of CBT - cognitave behavioral therapy. just reading about it helps, but you may want to search for a psychologist who can give you CBT. It may not be easy to find a good psychologist though - many mental health peoiple are just not too good. You will have to be determined.

It is also important to realize that it is not the end of the world if you look silly once in a while. That is actually part of CBT. I found that developing a self depricating sense of humor can help. When I do something stupid I tell people that things just haven't been the same since the lobotomy. That kind of thing helps.

Parador wrote: For example, I was really scared to drive down to Boston, but ealier this year I just sucked it up and did it. Now I can drive to Boston without too much trouble.

Funny, I've been meaning to go down there but distance(6 hrs drive) and driving outside the country(although US-Can is pretty much the same) always made me nervous. I'll have to kick my butt this year, especially with the good currency exchange rate...

Dixie, youve already done the first thing and that post here. Many people here feel the same way you do, to varying degrees, and we are all trying to figure it out.

The connundrum of this kind of behaviour is that the instinct is to avoid people and that includes people who could help you. I would say that the first thing you have to do is try and trust your own judgement. I think often put all their faith in people like doctors simply because they are doctors. Often they will ignore feelings that the treatment they are receiving perhaps doesnt seem right for them. I think this goes for all situations.

My advice would be to look for a therapist. Make an appointment and just talk to them. Yes there are many psychologists who are not good, but this is where you need to trust your judgment. All you need to do is feel comfortable with them. All that you really need to find at the beginning is if they seem genuinely interested in you. If you are given any pressure, or promises, if they talk more than listen, or if you're made to feel bad in any way, then you have probably not found the right person.

The only other thing I would suggest is to let us know what you decide to do and how you are getting on. Keep posting here.

best of luck

Thanks guys.

Ive tried helping myself out by reading stuff online and books. I even make lists of things to say or questions to ask if I know that im going to meet people. But then I spend so much time to trying to get what im saying right that I end up missing the conversation so I either look stpid/ignorant/rude/aloof and then im back tp square one.

Ive also started making myself go into shops on my own, which is something I could never do before as I was too scared of being seen and making a fool out of myself by either looking at the wrong size or people thinking im a cheapskate for looking in the sale section. But ive managed to get like 3 shops that I can now go in on my own if I need to.

Also, I wanted to ask, I daydream alot. And I mean alot. As in I wont let anyone walk anywhere with me because its one of my favourite times to daydream. Sometimes even if people are talkin to me my mind floats off to some other place. The other day I was pouring coffee and managed to spill it everywhere cuz I was off in my head somewhere! Is this something that you guys can relate to? Most of the stuff I daydream is about just me being how I would love me to be, confident, fun, loved, outgoing etc etc and sometimes its goes into the fantastical but nothing too crazy...

Thanks for replying

this is so crazy. i just stumbled on this site, and what they describe is exactly what i have been going through for 13 years. I isolated myself for over 7 years, rarely stepping outside the house. When i went out and walked in the malls, i'd be afraid to go in stores, so i'd just walk by them. Every time i'd get the thought to go in one, i'd feel this aversion, like i didn't want to be seen going in there, and quickly vanish the notion and just keep on going. When i was with other people, i'd just sit and listen often not saying much. I'd rarely have something to say, and when i did i'd roll the thoughts around in my head before saying anything to make sure i said the right thing. By then, people had ussually changed topic and moved on, so it would have been out of place. It was so disparaging. I'd see other people converse and i couldn't understand how they could think of something to say. I often wished there was a book telling me what the right thing to say was.
and when i was 15, i was so scared i couldn't even chat with people online ! i was THAT scared.

I've literly spent the last three years OBSESSED with fixing this problem. In december 2005, i actually began going out to interact with people. the first person i ever met with i could barely talk. I couldn't focus, tremors would jump in my chest. I was even literly SHAKING. it was THAD bad. It took me a year of slowly pushing my comfort zone, CONSTANT readjustment as to what to do, and a unshakable positive attitude, which i had to cultivate also, so that i'd never give up! A year later, and even though i still think a lot in my head, and tend to be less talkitive than most, i am actually comfortable being around other people so much so that people actually get nervous around me! what a switch ! I know it's frustrating and disparaging when you feel you can't even go out and be with other people, let alone make meaningful relationships with other people, but there is hope ! It's a slow progression, and it depends where you're at. If you can't talk on the phone, just try to talk online with people. If you can't talk online with people, just try to go into a new shop that you might not ordinarly go into. If you can some how get 1 on 1 interactions with people instead of groups, that would be great too ! i found groups were too much. It was just too overwhelming with everyone talking to each other; i never had a chance to push myself, but when i had 1 on 1 interactions, the other person was with me, so it kind of forced conversation. Do whatever you can to push your comfort zone bit by bit! Probably the most important thing in all this though is keeping a positive mindset. Whenever you get that nagging fear in your mind that someone is going to look at you or notice you doing something, think to yourself, YES they are going to notice me pick out this UGLY purple shirt, and i'm going to do it anyway ! this is the kind of positive mindset along with determination and slowly pushing my comfort zone is what got me through. It's tough but you can do it ! it's one of the most rewarding challenges you'll ever face once you get through and realize where you've come from.

Welcome to the forums, IcarsusFalling!

It's good to hear you're gradually finding some ways to work slowly through the situations.

It may sometimes feel like a long, slow crawl out of a dark pit, but the important thing is: you've discovered that some progress is possible: little steps at a time.

And, yes, keeping positive (knocking down the negative thoughts when they come up) is VERY potent.

Keep it up! And let us know how you're doing.

—LQ

Yep - the daydreaming is a big part of AvPD it seems. I still do a lot of it. I'm pitching a no-hitter for the Yankees right now! Tomorrow I will be a Hollywood movie star. I daydream about being famous mostly. It would be good to be immortalized. Since my father died I have been a lot more aware of my mortality.