Lying

People really like talking about themselves.

So true, and something I simply can't fathom, but then, that's why I'm here right?

I tend to tell white lies, particularily to people I couldnt give damn about, but then I always make them simple and innocent, because I dread the idea of being caught out.

A lot of people posted in 2007 on here i noticed, but what happened? was everyone treated for avoidant personality disorder? As far as i know there is no treatment that really works. Anyway...about lying. I lie for no reason what so ever. I lie and sometimes i tell the same lie so many times that i can almost see the events i'm lying unfolding as i'm lying about them.., i don't have a clue why i do it, i just do. I want to stop it. I try to catch myself in the middle of lying, but my brain is telling me to continue the lie or you will be caught in it. It's uncontrollable and i'm uncomfortable after i tell the lie or lies. I avoid being social as much as i can and sometimes i feel like lying is a coping mechanism. I do want friends, but they always end up hurting me in the end, so besides friends online, i only have a 2 friends. I feel like without lying, i wouldn't know what to say in social situations and i feel like i'm inadequate and i'm not allowed to be happy. Everyone i have ever known has emotionally or physically hurt me in one way or another. I'm depressed a lot. My mother i think regretted having me. I wasn't the type of child she wanted. I have a problem learning math and my mother used to force the work on me and it proved useless and i think it may have damaged me. When i try and do even simple math, my head hurts and i almost want to break out in tears because i'm so ashamed of myself for not knowing it, while others hardly even have to think about it. I find it hard to get to know people as friends because of this learning disability. Thinking that math will come up in our friendship somewhere along the way and a situation involving math will make me look stupid. I also am not comfortable around friends of friends of mine. 3 or more is too much for me and my instinct is to make up an excuse and evacuate from the situation. I can come off as shy to some people and to others not at all. But i'm not comfortable talking to more than one person at a time. I feel like i'm being judged and that after i leave the room that people will gossip about me...that's right i have this annoying fear of rejection and i hate it. If i feel like i'll get rejected, i try and avoid the situation at all costs. All of these issues make it really hard for me to work as-well. Sorry that was so long, i just felt i should share my experience with having avoidant personality disorder.

I keep my mouth shut rather than lie. Lies of omission - they drive me crazy, both when I do it or when someone else does it to me. Or I downplay. That feels like lying to me. I act all guilty, so I get accused of full out lying even when I'm not technically lying.

And my mother says to me at least a biweekly, probably more frequently, "You know, I could have had an abortion." That's supposed to make me know that I was wanted, and make me feel appreciative of the gift of life, or so she says. Uh, no. Just make me very aware that really, really, I should never have been born. Wrong choice, mom, you could have had the life of your dreams if you'd only had a little guts, and saved us all a lot of pain...

Hi Rebecca

Lying is not something I've really had an issue with- I've told the odd few, but it's not really impacted on my life. You might like to check out this part of the forum too compulsive-lying/

The things your mother said sound very hurtful. Maybe maths isn't a strong point for you, but I'm sure you have some other qualities that are strong points. I do understand what you are getting at though with feeling shame because of it.

The fear of rejection is hard to deal with. As is trying to deal with people in anything more than a 1 on 1 situation. Have you ever sought out any help for your AvPD issues at all?

As for the thread- I think you might have stumbled across an old one. There's been lots of people posting in AvPD since 2007, but perhaps just not in this particular one- there's possibly some newer ones on the subject floating around. Due to the nature of AvPD (we're all pretty anxious and well, avoidant), this part of the forum sees a few people coming and going.

I don't lie. I cannot even attempt to lie, it feels so ridiculous to do it. When I catch somebody on lying, it makes me laugh a bit. I see how insecure they are, and how they trying to be someone who they aren't. People should first learn how to like and appreciate themselves, try to resolve some deep issues, and then there would be no need to lie and pretend to be somebody that they are not.

Lying can be very useful though. Nobody is entitled to my truth - I'll tell them what I want to tell.

Making up stories about yourself and lying aren't the same thing. I mean, first is also lying but lying can take many forms. I tell people what's convenient to me. I never wanted to create stories about myself though, I don't even have diaries.

Yeah, I do the same. People wouldn't get if i told them exact thing that is on my mind, so I have to adjust my story to their way of thinking. I would not call it lying though, I would call it reinterpreting the reality to make someone understand.

I generally don't lie because I'm afraid people will see through it and I'll embarrass myself. Unless they ask a personal question, then it's like some instinct takes over and I respond without even thinking about it. Or of they ask my opinion on something, I'll automatically give a generic response like "fine" or "good".