Relatives- UGH

As if graduation wasn't stressful enough, I told my family that I wanted a *very* small celebration (as in, my one friend and my parents, that's *all*) because I didn't want to be burned out further after finals. Know what they did? They invited EVERY F*#&ING PERSON THEY'VE EVER KNOWN, every relative on the face of the earth, the neighbors, even my freakin' elementary school teachers- WTF?!?!?! Now they're all happy and smiley about "my" celebration (which I didn't want and asked them NOT to have) and I have to "entertain" these people I hardly know, shake their hands and make "small talk" and smile when they say "what are you going to do with your life?" (and I resist saying, I don't fu*king know every single time). And some of these people are staying for four days.

WTF?!?!?!??!?? Geezus, people, give me a break. Let me sit alone in my corner and RELAX before you insist I "entertain" a buttload of people I hardly know.

Well, I figure this is really my parents' excuse for a party, so THEY can entertain themselves I'll hang out in the corner, eat the complementary cheese platter and answer stupid questions when required, all while praying that the four days pass QUICKLY. And, like last time, my relatives can look at me and say, "geez, your life really isn't all that intellectual, is it? Sitting at home, playing stupid video games, I see...What are you planning to do with your life?"

Time to go pray for my sanity.

Hi there,

The way I see it for your parents it is 'pay back time' they are proud and want the whole tribe to know what they have achieved, vacariously through you.

Hey it must be very hard for you to suck it up, but give them a break let them have their party

I hate that crap as well. I hate visiting relatives. Like doormat said, the only thing we share with them is genetics, but other then that they are as strange to me as my neighbor and Joe Schmoe on the street. I do not enjoy being around them or socializing with them.

I also hate celebration parties like birthdays for example. I haven't had a birthday party since the 5th grade.

That's weak. Too bad you seems to have known that at last minute and didn't have time to buy a one-way ticket to someplace else for a while...

Being put on a pedestal is probably the last thing an avoidant wants...

*um, new here. I usually lurk when in the forums. First post for me

This I can totally relate to. I've had to deal with that crap too; although I was lucky to not have to have a graduation party (my parents were too busy going through an angry divorce...long story). It's so annoying having to meet these relatives you never see or talk to and have them act like they are someone close to you just because they are in your family tree.

I wish I knew what to tell you, but I guess all you can do is avoid them while they are there since the other alternative, showing them up, would let them know you don't like the situation, but would be worse to deal with since they would assume something is wrong and give you much more attention than you would like, presumably.

Yeah, it's ugly... but I don't expect much more from family - and family events.

Whether it's wedding, funeral, graduation.... it's seldom about the "honoree".

Everybody's working out their own agendas. What's an AvPD to do - except to try to take take of own self, best as possible (everyone else is looking out for theirs!)

Yes, Doormat...
As a friend of mine likes to point out: a simple dog can father offspring.

GENETIC fathering sure doesn't guarantee real PARENTING !

The life chances of some people are so different from my own experiences so if i had been fortunate enough to have my education and life style financed by my parents i would conform just enough to appease them.

I would choose to be free and live by the riverbank rather than in a gilded cage. Choices have consequences.

On reflection maybe I am coming across as a little insensitive

The thing with parents with narcissistic traits is that they don't see you as an individual only as an extension of themselves.

If they really knew your feelings they wouldn't expect you to have to go through all the false crap and suffer something that obviously will cause you distress.

Good points, Linda,

Most parents can (and will) feed and clothe their children.

Many are poorly equip to help them blossom into happy, productive members of society.

Best of luck finding such support elsewhere.

Mentors outside the family can be great