Life in mess!

Hi everyone, my life is a mess.

I am 16 year old and I live in the UK. I have completely isolated myself from everyone. I don't have any friends, so I never go out. I finished school without passing any of my exams so I don't go to college. I spend 95% of the time on my own in my room.

I rarely speak to my family, even though we live in the same house. The only conversations we ever have involve around me getting a job, and stuff like that..

They don't know how difficult it is for me to get a job. For starters I don't have the efficent social skills for an interview. I feel so nervous around everyone and my mind goes blank. I hunch up, start to sweat, and I know everyone that is looking at me knows I'm nervous around them. This includes anyone in the world.

It doesn't help that I look younger than 16, and I'm very short so it's hard to be taken seriously.

And then, even I passed the interview and got the job, the thought of having to work everyday and having to talk to people all day long scares me to death. It's not like I don't want to talk to people(or maybe it is? I'm not sure) the main problem is I don't have the skills involved. I don't have a clue what to say to anybody. And I doubt there's anyway to learn these skills at my age?

I should have learnt these skills whilst growing up, but I never did. When I started school I didn't talk to anyone. I was known as the "silent kid", and that trend continued until I left school.

I'm not sure what I should do for my future. I cannot live with my parents forever, but what else can I do? The prospect of a job being alone would be nice, but they're so rare to find. And the INTERVIEW!!? :cry:

Anyway, thanks for reading. I feel a tiny bit better after posting this.

Hi Jack,

I can completely relate to what you are talking about. I have just applied for a job and I am terrified. I am a very anxious person. I find it very hard to talk to people and I get embarrassed very easily. I had my first job when I was seventeen in a shop and whenever I made a mistake, I would go really red and then my confidence would be crushed. I couldn't talk to anyone. After I got through secondary school, I took a year out. I was supposed to get a job but I never did because I couldn't bear the thought of being around other people.

There are ways that you can learn the skills Jack. I went to college and it sort of forced me to come out of my shell. After a year at college, I am still shy but I am little more confident in myself. Maybe if you apply for a job, then it will help you get used to being around people. That is what college did for me. Believe me Jack, it is the best thing that you can do. You have to face your fears head on. It is scary but once you start, it does get easier. POeople aren't as scary as they appear to be.

Keep talking about it Jack. Keep confronting it. I hope that you are okay. You can talk to me anytime.

stokes

hey there....i can see your situation being so overwhelming, due to being introverted .......you said something that caught my attention....from context, i gather even though u r considered the "quiet one" at school, you r still going there, and making it throuh the day, be it whichever way you choose.......maybe u can apply the idea to a job type atmosphere as well.....if u can get up and go to school everyday....you can get a handle on doing basically the same thing, and getting paid for it.also, chiove of vocation is key to managing the nervous factor.....there are many jobs out there that u can do, that u don't have to deal with anyone at all......as far as the interview....ant employer is going to expect a young man just getting his feet wet in the working world to be nervous, and unsure as to how to act. so relax, u already have the skills, and the rest will come with time and experience....just like everything new. well, good luck, don't worry so much, and things will be just fine. take care.......hardcore

I guess if I'd haven't made it through college and get a permanent position in IT afterward, I would have gone for a trucker job. It's just great for people who can deal with the loneliness pretty well and can be on roadtrip for long periods of time without being missed. The downside is the energy required to stay alert for long hours and the tricky training to drive a semi. But these abilities can be developped without any social skills involved...

The only way to get through an interview is acting like being interested by asking precise questions about the job and the place. If the job genuinely interests you, you'll show the right attitude inconsciously and you will get it. The interviews I failed was those I had 2nd thoughts about the job. Although I acted like I was interested, the hiring staff felt otherwise anyway. You also get more comfortable after a couple of interviews too. It's way easier to convince someone of your abilities for the job(which is the point of the interview) than to make friend with him...

Jack wrote:They don't know how difficult it is for me to get a job.

And then, even I passed the interview and got the job, the thought of having to work everyday and having to talk to people all day long scares me to death. It's not like I don't want to talk to people(or maybe it is? I'm not sure) the main problem is I don't have the skills involved. I don't have a clue what to say to anybody. And I doubt there's anyway to learn these skills at my age?

Hi there Jack, I'm in such a mess as well. I know it won't matter, but I'm 26 and have similar problems... Making a lot of effort I made it to my first day at this new job after just 'freelancing' for a BIG while... And I was completely uncomfortable, I was so cold but too embarrassed to ask them to turn the AC off... It's an OK job, the people were nice, but I feel like I'm imprisoned, I can't go have a smoke, I have to fake laughter all the time, it's so painful.
Unfortunately my social skills still suck big time.

I don't know what to do, I'm terribly depressed, I want the job, I need the money, I want to have a normal life but I cannot.
I need to wake up at 7 tomorrow and I can't sleep because I just wanna give up.

If I give up and avoid going to work, it's gonna make me look bad in front of my family, it's gonna make me feel bad for giving up and I won't have much money.

I know the rational thing is to just go, but I can't. I know that what I feel is distorted/augmentated, but just I felt like I was having a panic attack in there. And I just switched from Paxil to Prozac this week.

At the same time I tell myself I'm lazy and a coward, which doesn't help things much.

"I was looking for a job
and then I found a job
and Heaven knows I'm miserable now"
- The Smiths

I was exactly the same when i left school and faced the same dilemma. I signed on for a while but couldn't meet the demands they placed on me so i went to see the family doctor and got therapy. if I may: I think you have to try and reach a decision about what you're going to do, it might seem like you want to sit in your room and avoid everything cos all the options seem so dreadful but thats not really an option at all. its not good for you and will only delay what eventually will happen. things came to a head for me and kind of forced me to go to the doctor cos i couldnt face a work placement they put me on, my mum found out and confronted me. ive always prefered to float along and take no action on my own behalf, which led me to the past 10 years of basically doing what you describe in your post and i regret it more than anything. so perhaps you have to do something, anything, as long as something changes, whether getting help or signing on or both - or something else? - it will be for the better and youll be glad you did it in the end. do your parents know you have this problem with people? im going to try and get an easy manual job, something physical and undemanding, warehousing or something. take care.

Hi Jack, welcome. I'm glad you took the plunge and posted, and glad it made you feel a bit better. I almost always find that sharing helps alleviate the burden.

I agree with the other poster that a 16-year-old will be expected to be nervous in an interview. I remember being 16 applying for a job and I thought I was going to die just saying "hello" to the manager. Just say all the right things, rehearse before the interview. If you want help and get an interview, post here about it if you want, and we can all try to help you with what you should say.

It's easy to tell from your writing that you are above-average intelligence. I know from experience that social skills come from experience. It's ok to be nervous. Comfort comes the more you interact with others.

You can try to make an effort to get out of the rut you are in. You can offer to do some errands for your parents, like go to the store to get food etc. That's something you can do with a minimum of social contact if you so choose, but it would be good for you to exercise your social muscles. Then, after an errand or two, the next time you can make a point of saying, "hello" to the cashier, or asking an employee to help you find a certain item.

It doesn't really matter what you do, as long as you push your limits a little bit. It can help to remind yourself that no one ever died from being nervous or anxious. It's uncomfortable but you can handle it.

I've gotten into some terrible ruts in my life. What usually got me going was necessity and pride. I couldn't depend on my parents because they were too poor and I was too proud to accept government assistance (which isn't enough anyway).

Did you already get your exam grades back, and know for sure that you failed? One of the good things about college is that it can give you a fresh start. Where you didn't have friends in high school, there is a whole new pool of potential friends in college. And there is usually free counseling, which might be good for you.

Anyway, glad you are sharing. Good luck and keep posting.