Rejection by the service industry

Cashiers and bus drivers are those I meet during my day to day life. I'm so afraid of being disliked that I always look them in their eyes and say "hi", but often I see their dislike for me, and is met by silence. That pain follows me the rest of the day, and fades away during the next.

I need to protect myself and be tougher. How do you meet people like that? Do you look them in the eyes at all?

I used to be just like you, and you should absolutely protect yourself more. Don't waste your positive energy on someone who might throw it right in the trash. Unfortunately being friendly and polite can be a risk to yourself, and sometimes it's not worth the risk. Maybe wear a pair of headphones when you have to deal with someone you're unsure about. You can easily navigate through a cashier or a bus driver without looking at them or speaking a single word with headphones on. It's a great way to tune someone out and it's completely acceptable. You don't even have to have music playing through the headphones. GOOD LUCK!!

A relief that you understand what I'm dealing with, and not being alone with this nightmare. Thank you very much for your support, and I look forward to test it out with headphones!

I understand you so well. Unfortunately, I can't help, as I struggle with this problem myself. It's ridiculous, right? Unless every random person is being nice, it feels like they're rejecting you.

But I think the advice above is useful. About the headphones. When my eyesight got worse I stopped being able to read everyone's faces so intently, and it actually helped somewhat to block them out.

I hear so many bad stories of people in the service industry dealing with farts and other lame individuals expecting a royal treatment at the clown food joint. I can imagine those employees getting irritated real fast and passing on the savings to you...manner of speaking.

Shades, earphones, a prop or something that you can fiddle with can help. On rainy days, I notice that I'm a bit less anxious because my hands are busy carrying an umbrella. Same with a bag.

Although when it comes to eye contact, I can't manage. I see it as putting myself in a vulnerable position, probably avoiding having to deal with a situation similar to what you describe.

I can't really help when it comes to this kind of problem, which means that I can empathize quite a bit with your problem. All I could say is that you can try to remember that most people that you'll deal with in that setting might just be pissed off and that might be why you're reading a lot of dislike in their eyes. It's not specifically towards you but more towards the fact that they don't have the best job out there.

4everalone wrote:Cashiers and bus drivers are those I meet during my day to day life. I'm so afraid of being disliked that I always look them in their eyes and say "hi", but often I see their dislike for me, and is met by silence. That pain follows me the rest of the day, and fades away during the next.

I need to protect myself and be tougher. How do you meet people like that? Do you look them in the eyes at all?

Maybe they are just shy? Or they have had bad experiences with customers, and are kind of scared. In other words, maybe it's them not you.

You dont have to say anything to them. If they say hi then you say hi back or just smile, otherwise I think it is socially acceptable to not say anything at all. Looking them in the eyes? I usually look at them for like 3 seconds and thats it. I think its an ok amount of time, not too long not too short (or at least i think so).

What I have concluded is the best yes. A quick look, and if they say hi I will reply. Bus drivers on the other hand I will not look at any more as I'm disabled, and they can see what kind of bus card I'm using, and see that I'm disabled. People are often very judgemental against disabled unless they are in a wheelchair. :/

I understand their fear or customers, and I understand their job sucks, so I have tried my best to be kind to them, but I will have to protect myself too!

I worked in the service industry for many years and I think it's safe to say you are just one in an endless stream of faces.

4everalone wrote:I always look them in their eyes and say "hi", but often I see their dislike for me, and is met by silence.

You're probably misinterpreting/projecting, avoidant-style. Cashiers have boring, monotonous jobs, and it's easy to let your mind wander as you work. Perhaps they were just thinking of something unpleasant in their lives and not actively disliking you.

I would say with a large degree of certainty that quiet, AvPD people are by no means met with disdain by cashiers or bus drivers or waiters or anyone who deals with the public. On the contrary; these are the types of people who made my job just a little more pleasant. It's the complainers who I dreaded to deal with. Or the people who wanted to make small talk. They were the worst, not the quiet, shy or otherwise unassuming people with whom I was able to carry out my transaction with with a minimum of fuss. Trust me, they probably APPRECIATE you!

And if for some reason you encounter an a-hole cashier or bus driver (If I had that job, I'd probably scowl at everyone) who does dislike you for some unfounded reason, I'll bet you are totally forgotten by the time the next person comes along and "annoys" them.

Marcus555 wrote:It's the complainers who I dreaded to deal with. Or the people who wanted to make small talk.

I always suspected that friendly cashiers who make small talk are pretending and their smiles are utterly fake. Then again, maybe you hated small talk because you were avoidant, and some cashiers actually like it, because they're bored.

This is the worst. Knowing that people's reactions are different but not knowing which reactions each of them really hides behind their exterior.