"I know what love feels like. I love my cat"

I think I said it first - but a few days ago I heard an interview on NPR with the mega writer of love songs Diane Warren. You've heard her stuff even if you don't know her name. Some songs: "Rhythm of the Night," "Don't Turn Around," "Unbreak My Heart" and "If I Could Turn Back Time"

Warren has penned hundreds of heartbreaking songs about intimacy and romance for Whitney Houston, Elton John, Rod Stewart, Gloria Estefan and many, many more. But she's long sworn that she does not do romance in real life.When I met her at her LA offices and wondered about what it's like to write about things she doesn't experience herself, Warren immediately jumped in.

"Like love?" she asked. "You know, I haven't been in love the way most people have been in love. But I know what love feels like. I love my cat."

http://www.npr.org/2016/02/12/466449637 ... hard-truth

You can't beat loving a cat or being loved by a cat.

It is said that cats are selfish and fickle, but people can be those things and much worse!

I love my cat too. X

This brings up something I've been wondering for a while now, but haven't had the courage to post a thread for.

I love my cats, they are just the best. But that's the type of love I'd imagine one might have for ones children, not a romantic interest.

It has been said that in order to love another, one must first love oneself -- something avoidants might have some issues with. I've been in a few long-term relationships over the years, and thought that at those times, that I loved my partner. Recently I have started to question that.

We can be infatuated with someone, certainly. We can care about another person, but there is a difference between caring for someone and loving and being in love with them.

Do avoidants truly know what love is? Are we able to recognize when someone loves us? Are we capable of love for someone that is not our offspring or ward?

Yes, I think that I did truly love one woman, although the relationship didn't work and she was extremely difficult to get on with. It took me five years to get over her. I did have mixed emotions and even ran away from her one time for a couple of weeks because she was doing my head in so much. We really didn't have much and she kept saying that she didn't want to be with me but it was an intimate relationship and she had this romantic notion that we had met for a reason, even though she kept saying that it wasn't going to work out between us. At the time it all sounded like just another rationalisation for her nagging and telling me to change and it was but she was right and love isn't enough if the rest of it isn't working.

There was a quote, I don't remember how it goes, but it's something like; "One's soul is never complete until one has experienced the love of an animal."

I love my cats. A little too much. It's scary.

at-last wrote:It has been said that in order to love another, one must first love oneself

Probably true, but animals love unconditionally, so I don't think that would apply to the love of a pet.

at-last wrote:We can be infatuated with someone, certainly. We can care about another person, but there is a difference between caring for someone and loving and being in love with them.

Do avoidants truly know what love is? Are we able to recognize when someone loves us? Are we capable of love for someone that is not our offspring or ward?

I thought I was in love once, but looking back I've started to question that as well. I think it may have been a combination of infatuation and the comfort that goes with having a partner. I don't think it was love because I never really felt the "symptoms" of love. When we did break up, I took it very badly. It took me a long time to get over it. I can only imagine how wrecked I would have been if it had been real love.I think that over the years I've subconsciously reasoned that I'm too sensitive to risk falling in love. It's too much of a risk.

I can't say if people need love, I'm sure there are some who don't. But if you have issues with getting close to people, for whatever reason, pets can certainly fill that void. I suppose some people would say that loving a person and an animal are two entirely different things, but I disagree. Love is love.

snookiebookie wrote:It is said that cats are selfish and fickle, but people can be those things and much worse!

I've always felt a bit perturbed when people describe cats this way. "Oh, they're too independent, aloof, they don't look up to you like a dog would." As if cats were the exception. Actually I think dogs are the exception. No other pet has the unyielding worship and "you are my leader" mentality of a dog. Why do cats get such a bad rep when they are no more aloof than a rabbit, or bird or any animal, other than a dog, that one might keep as a pet?

Also, for all the cat lovers on these forums, and there are a lot, why is there not a proliferation of "this is my kitty" photos? People have posted them here and there, but sparingly. I think a Just For Fun "Post your pet" thread is in order, and I believe I'm just the man to do it.

Well, I love my dog and dogs do love you back. They release the same chemical in their brains that people do when people look at those they love.

I agree that there is just no other pet like a dog (no offense to cat people). But dogs are a lot of work so I understand why lots of people prefer cats.

I've been around or had cats, hamsters, birds and horses. None of those loved people like a dog did.

skyflyz wrote:Well, I love my dog and dogs do love you back. They release the same chemical in their brains that people do when people look at those they love.

I agree that there is just no other pet like a dog (no offense to cat people). But dogs are a lot of work so I understand why lots of people prefer cats.

I've been around or had cats, hamsters, birds and horses. None of those loved people like a dog did.

I am a closet dog person. Years ago a stray cat I was feeding left one of her kittens on my doorstep and that was that. There have been a few opportunities since then when I could have gotten a dog, and I regret that I didn't. These days, it would be difficult. I like big dogs, and I'm afraid my apartment would be too small. Plus, if I had a dog, I would have to leave my apartment to walk it. It would be easier if I lived in a more rural area. I had dogs growing up, so I know how awesome they are. There's really nothing like the love of a dog.

Marcus555 wrote:I love my cats. A little too much. It's scary.

Funny, I always used to say "I love my cats as much as a man can before it starts getting creepy." lol

Regarding cats vs dogs; I would love to have a dog, but due to work constraints, it isn't feasible as a dog would require too much attention. Cats are relatively low-maintenance: keep the food and water topped off, clean the litterboxes regularly, and they're fine. It seems absence makes their hearts grow fonder, so when I get home they greet me at the door and demand some attention, and eventually they go off and do their own thing, and so do I. lol

I would think that for avoidants, cats would be preferable to dogs, as one has to walk a dog, which comes with the risk of having to interact with other people. How do you deal with that? Or is the dog enough of a distraction that such encounters are not uncomfortable?

Marcus555 wrote:It seems absence makes their hearts grow fonder, so when I get home they greet me at the door and demand some attention, and eventually they go off and do their own thing, and so do I. lol

Wow. My thinking is so twisted. When I had a cat and she greeted me at the door, I always thought that she merely wanted me to give her food...

As for love, I believe people are setting too high standards for it here. It's not like only avoidants would have trouble loving someone. Look around! People cheat on each other, betray each other, and behave egoistically all the time. I don't think they can love any more than we. Even people who profess to love you, like your own parents, trample all over you. They don't ever listen to you when you need an ear. People are horrible, horrible creatures who only care for themselves.