New member - Asocial, probably

Hello everyone,

I've been thinking and tinkering with the idea of registering on a forum about introverts/antisocial/asocial people for a while, and so here I am...

What I want to do is type out my life story and just pour my heart out, but, that would take too long, and no one would probably have the time/will to read it all anyway. So I'll try to keep it short.

I think, I'm pretty sure I'm asocial, assuming the difference between anti-social and asocial is that the first hates people, and the latter just doesn't like/isn't comfortable socializing much and being in crowds/with people he/she doesn't know, etc.

And I'm lonely. I work from home, have been, sort of, for the past 2 years. I've set some goals in my life, and I'm wasting the best years of my life on them, and they are money, but just as a means to an end. Money's just paper, but there are things I need, and no amount of talk or self-knowledge or whatever will bring those things to me.

But then even when I try to talk to people, I generally have nothing to say. Cars, sports, flowers, travel, basically nothing really interests me anymore. And even if something does, I generally have nothing witty or funny to say, except for asking questions or saying something that's not laid-back, but is kinda serious talk, or meaningful talk, to dig myself out of the hole a bit :p

And this is hard because even if someone would tell me to just go meet people and do things, why? So that they initially like me, find me interesting and intelligent, and eventually realize I'm not all that and dislike me and start avoiding me, not calling and not picking up when/if I call?

I don't know... even going to a psychologist won't do nothing, because they all have their own agendas too, to make money, to give you pills and whatnot medication, to impose their own believes up over your believes, and so on and so forth.

I don't particularly like people, that's true, people suck. However, every person I meet I treat them with kindness, respect, and nothing but love, from my side.

Then women, I used to have a lot of women when I was younger, and in school I was on the football team, basketball team, running team, breakdancer, you know, with the cool kids and whatnot, looking good. I really thought I had game and that women's love would never be an issue for me. Well, wrong. It's not that I looked good and talked game, it was the football team, being "cool," whatever that is, and all that, not anything real. And when I was 18 I had an accident, lost a ton of weight, so I'm underweight now, and just life changed.

I speak 3 languages, fluently, and for the longest time I would rationalize my "inability" to talk chit-chat with people due to my slightly limited knowledge in all 3 of those languages (hard to explain this), but lately I've been.. developing the theory.. that it's not the languages, it's just that I really have nothing to say to people, plus I have social anxiety I think, in a pretty major way.

Oh, okay, I'll stop now. I've said way too much. Anybody needs a friend, or something? :p

We can't diagnose here, but if recently nothing interests you, not even things you used to be very interested in, you might explore whether or not you are depressed, and work on that first.

Otherwise, reading a paper or online news site should provide plenty of things to talk about, if you dedicate the time to it.

Thanks for the response skyflyz.

Well, I guess I am depressed. I had a major problem in my life, let's call it modern day slavery, for 15 years. From 9 to 24. I dealt with that. Now I've got to deal with the consequences of that.

The consequences are 2 health problems. One can be fixed, with money, and the other can probably be fixed, in one way or another, with money. I'm consumed by these 2 problems, and I can hardly get them out of my mind no matter what I'm doing.

And then, it all comes down to money, but that money is so far from me, and that's depressing. Not the money, but buying back my health...

And then, when I get that outta my head, then I can see what problems I have and deal with them, as far as micromanaging goes. I know what the main problems are, and I know what the solution is. But still, while working on the money, I get discouraged, and I lose motivation, and I get lonely, and then even the stuff I gotta do to make that money, if I'm not motivated, I can't make progress the way I should...

Yeah, I am depressed.

The only solution is to make enough money. It's not a materialistic issue. I'm not depressed because I can't afford luxuries, or even because I barely make ends meet. I'm depressed because of 2 health problems. One can be fixed with money, and the other one can, maybe, probably, somewhat, be fixed with money.

And then, if I can afford that I can stop worrying about making ends meet, and hopefully buy my own little apartment, shack, anything, as long as I don't have to pay the da*n rent anymore.

And then, when I solve all that, then I can deal with anxieties, and my depression should then, well, be resolved, the cause, the root would be resolved, and I'd just have to clear out the remnants...

Thanks for the response skyflyz, much appreciated

I am sorry to hear of the money issues.. I don't know much about it but I know that there are often services available for low or sliding scale fees.. have you explored that?