Feelings of inadequacy around attractive people

I don't like being around large groups of people for lots of reasons, but partially because I always end up seeing women that I deem way more attractive than I am. When this happens, I want to hide. I feel as though someone that good-looking shouldn't have to witness my hideousness. After that, I curse myself for even leaving the house, as if I don't deserve to breathe the same air. Then, I spend a good portion of the night depressed because I'll never look anything like those girls. I know I should be inspired and put more effort into my appearance. Better yet, I should recognize my own beauty, both physical and mental. That's hard though. Deep down, I know looks aren't everything. I just can't help but fall into this pattern every time. Can anyone relate?

I think I'm straight up repulsive. Another thing deemed "annoying" by people, insulting, because it what does that say about the people who could be attracted to me? I deny it every time I come across it. Impossible for someone to be attracted to me. That's incompatible with life. Or the person just has some kind of bizarre scary fetish. All I can focus on is what is gross about me. If there's anything that's half decent about me, it either doesn't matter, or it's not something anyone else should find attractive. If they do, like I said, a bizarre fetish or worse.

I think everyone on the planet is better than me. No matter what, no matter how hideous, no matter how horrible they are, no matter how poorly they treat other people, I come in dead last.

Looks are the easy thing to compare myself negatively about. There is always something someone has going on that's better than me - their teeth are a better shade, or their make up is perfect, or whatever. It doesn't matter. That's what I focus on, how that person has outshone me. If nothing else, they have more confidence than me, even if they look like crap, so there you go.

The only way to get past this I think is to expect it. Expect that you're going to be outdone by everyone you come in contact with no matter what you do so you aren't surprised when it happens. It takes the sting out of it a little bit, for me anyway.

BTW what causes this kind of thinking is extreme perfectionism combined with black and white thinking. "I must be perfect to be accepted." That's of course insane, because no one's perfect. But that's the standard you have for yourself. I don't know how to lessen either of those impulses, but if you can, you'll probably (finally!) be able to give yourself a break and stop the comparisons.

I feel very insecure around other women who I feel are very attractive. I do feel ugly compared to them. My siblings used to cruelly tease me by telling me that I was supremely ugly, and, little kid that I was, I believed them. I didn't know any different. I didn't have parents who would assure me that I was beautiful both inside and out.

When I started living my life as an adult, I was surprised that people would tell me that they thought I was attractive! I didn't believe them, and thought that they were mocking me in some horrible way. I guess when you have such deeply negative thoughts/perceptions ingrained like that about yourself, it's hard to change them, even when people tell you otherwise.

jamberrypie wrote:When I started living my life as an adult, I was surprised that people would tell me that they thought I was attractive! I didn't believe them, and thought that they were mocking me in some horrible way.

Yep, this exactly.

I see what your saying inverse, because I also feel unappealing, I wouldn't go as far as repulsive though.

I totally deny any form of attraction to me too, like they're just taking the P*ss. Messing with me. Makes sense though, if I see myself this way I of course will think others think the same.

When I was obese, yes.

Now I have an oscilating opinion about my appearance. "Wow, I'm such a good looking guy. Look at these muscles" and "Omfg I'm gaining weight again. Screw it, I'm gonna drink a bottle of coke and eat an entire cake by myself. No point in trying, I'll never look good".

A week later of carb reduction and intense work outs I'm back to "Oh my, look at these muscles. I'm a god among men".

I can relate, but for me I think I feel more intimidated than anything.

Auxiliary11 wrote:I see what your saying inverse, because I also feel unappealing, I wouldn't go as far as repulsive though.

I totally deny any form of attraction to me too, like they're just taking the P*ss. Messing with me. Makes sense though, if I see myself this way I of course will think others think the same.

This is how I feel as well.

the thing is..i know im not as beautiful as other girls. i don't have it in me. i just don't. i don't know why. i wasn't born beautiful, that's all.

-- Sat May 02, 2015 9:13 am --

if it makes you feel any better...i was born physically disabled. i'm still disabled now too...idk. i know i'll never be beautiful.