APD

Hi
Just recently discovered that I must have avoidant personality disorder. I've recently retired and when I've worked I was firstly in nursing and then in teaching. Aren't these absolutely fabulous jobs for a person with APD !!!!? No wonder Life was a misery. + Also trying to work in a modern office. Teamworking. Bonding. What a load of XXXXX. Impossible for me to cope with.
Obviously someone with APD has no chance with any of these types of jobs. Consequently half my life has been in unemployment.
No social life, no job, no money. Indeed APD is indeed all-pervasive.
It is rather too late in life to discover the reason for all the years of difficulty and embarressment. 45 years after leaving school to discover, just this week, that I have had APD all along. No where to go from here then!
Interested to find this website and to read of others with APD.
Tibby

Hey,

There is still time to get a direction in your life. I would advise not to become too enthusiastic about having AvPD. - Becoming enthusiastic about any mental illness just separates you even further from normality.

What would you like to do in your life?


Take care,
Kevster

AvPD is an all-pervasive and life-long problem. I have realised that most pychologists don't recognise it when they see someone with it. Of the many psychologists I've seen over the years NONE came up with AvPD. They all decided the problem was something else and they all differed from each other's diagnoses: and they were all wrong.
Researching possible occupations with someone with AvPD throws up a very limited number of possibilities: (lighthouse keeper, springs to mind! - but in today's workplace where 'bonding', 'teamwork', and corporate image are the keywords someone with AvPD can forget it.
What about a professional chess player? - ideal.
At 60 one cannot look forward to a 'direction' in Life if you've got AvPD. You've reached 60 going in the completely wrong direction so to plan to go anywhere at all would be in circle I suppose.
Most people who are diagnosed with AvPD are young enough to take stock of their lives and maybe seek a change in direction. To be diagnosed at 60 is extremely rare I would think: and nobody cares anyway (even without having AvPD) what happens to a 60 year old.
The answer: buy an island and go and live on it.
Tibby

Would you be interested in renting out a small portion of said island?

No - I'd be escaping from people not inviting all and sundry.

Your remark is somewhat facetious and not at all helpful. This is the general reaction to people with AvPD. They tend to become everyone's excuse for a laugh. You obviously have no understanding of it.

:?

Tibby, welcome to the forums.

I'm sorry your life up to now seems to have been so awful because of AvPD.

I think PinkAngel was just trying to introduce humour to try to cheer you up. She is part of the community and AvPD herself (as far as I know) so I think she can understand to some degree what you are going through.

Those of us with AvPD are harshly self-critical and humour can be a good way to balance that off. We take ourselves too seriously (at least I do) and that isn't at all helpful, either. It just feeds the cycle we need to break.

I can imagine how discouraging it must be to come to this conclusion at age 60. The world (particularly western world) is not kind to its older generations. Few want to hire older people, and most of us fail to recognize the wealth of experience that our older fellows have in their beings.

I'd bet you are doing a lot of grieving over this.

It may be helpful to step back, and take another inventory of your life in a more objective manner. Make a list of your achievements and don't forget the positives. Make a list of all those things and people you are grateful for. Give yourself credit where it is deserved - the fact that you survived all those years in professions that were highly stressful for your temperament is outstanding. Congratulate and be proud of yourself for the strength it took to get where you are now, through all your struggles. You must be a pretty amazing person to do it all alone.

Seek out a good therapist who can work with AvPD. Do things in life that you do enjoy.

I look forward to reading more from you, Tibby.

Hello, Tibby. Welcome.

That's terrible that it took so long to discover that you have AvPD. From what I've read about the subject so far, it's not a well-known disorder, even among the mental health care specialists. Which makes sense, since avoidants wouldn't easily seek out help. So it's not that surprising that none of your therapists diagnosed you correctly, they probably knew little to nothing about AvPD.

On the subject of occupations, I think the ideal profession for someone with AvPD would be a writer. Just you, your imagination and your word processor. No teamwork required, no nosy boss looking over your shoulder. Unfortunately, I gather it's not that easy to make a living as a writer.

Also, listen to trence, he has a lot more useful things to say than I do.

Gentleman Geek wrote: From what I've read about the subject so far, it's not a well-known disorder, even among the mental health care specialists.

True, and that's why you won't be diagnosed with it. The disorders that professionals learn about in university are the most common ones so something like AvPD would be overlooked. In any case, when a person is suffering from AvPD they might appear to be depressed also and the psychiatrist would pick up on that first.


For more research into the lesser-known psychological disorders money is needed but that won't be happening any time soon I feel. The whole area of mental-health isn't completely standardised but that's expected because it deals with the brain which is the organ of the body we know least about.


Just try to be as best content on your own as you possibly can be. Indeed, go to that island of yours and remain there ...But grow trees, walk, sing, and admire the beautiful vistas while you are there.


Take care,
Kevster

tibby,
I have plenty of understanding of AvPD, hence my wish to escape to an island as well. My AvPD, along with other mental health issues, have left me disabled at age 30 and unable to work, so I couldn't afford my own island. Fear not, I'd stay within my rented area and not venture out to bother you.

I'm sorry you took my comment the way you did. I understand about wanting people to take your issues seriously, but for the most part, this is a safe place and most of us get what each other is going through. That was my intent, to let you know that you are not alone in wanting to go to extremes to avoid things, and that I feel that way every single day.

My apologies again for making you feel the need to get defensive, and I hope you continue to post here and gain something positive from reading other people's stories and their replies to your issues.

Thanks for your reply pinkangel467. I appreciate now that you were trying to be helpful and encouraging. As you will know people with AvPD lack self-esteem and are always on the defensive in case others take advantage.
I could never understand that type of person. Someone who obviously lacks confidence, particularly in the workplace, needs encouragement and support. Their 'disability' needs to be overlooked. No doubt you've found that human nature seems to take great delight in taking advantage of people who have AvPD and other similar handicaps. Of course, this approach only makes mattters worse.
It does also seem to be true that 'health-care specialists' (!) have no idea about the more unusual problems that can arise. They do indeed follow some pre-determined line of approach that never addresses the problem at all. As you mention they've probably never heard of AvPD.
My island would seem like an ideal place to go I suppose.
You wouldn't have to rent out space: you could share for free.

Yes I've tried writing: TV comedy scripts, short stories and even illustrating but as you say one has to know the right people. Generally they're the 'luvvy' type and definately not for me.
Other areas of work are ebay trading. That would be OK if you had something to trade. I've looked into that. One does need a reasonable amount of capital to get going and the confidence to go to sales and auctions to buy stuff. I don't have that confidence.

Does anyone out there experience what I call 'mental shutdown' when faced with only a minor stressfull situation: eg going into a shop for something? Although I'm a science graduate I can never work out fast enough what my purchases add up to or whether my change is corect: although normally I'm quite a whizz on the mental arithmetic side. Mental shutdown.
Thanks for all your comments
Tibby