New Housemate & My ADHD

Hey all! I've just moved in with a new housemate ... well, a month ago. He's been a good friend for over a year, but he is a "Type A, deal with everything on the spot" type. I need time to mull things over and process.

I have a puppy who is still destroying things. A good number of the things destroyed have been his. The behavioral issues on the puppy's part are being dealt with, and she's being kept away from his things, so I won't go into that further here.

I am in the process of replacing the things of his that got messed up, but there are several issues.
1) It's taking me too long to get some of them done, for combined reasons of lack of money and poor time management. I am newly in treatment for ADHD, so the latter is being dealt with, but right now it's an issue.
2) He is really intimidating to me in arguments (he argues like my dad), and when I freeze up and my body language becomes closed and my mind shuts down, he interprets that as my avoiding the issue and making everything his job.
3) He wants to hash everything out on the spot, whereas, especially when I'm in panic mode, I need at least a night to think things over.
4) I am bad at bringing issues back up/ keeping things together without a definite time set, and without a set time he just feels neglected.
5) We have opposite work schedules ... he goes to bed at 10 on weeknights and I get home at 10:30. I am going to be adjusting my work schedule so that we coincide for a night mid-week, and then on weekends, and if necessary I'll be calling him in the evening. This doesn't work for crisis issues that must be solved on the spot.
For instance: He was going into a REALLY difficult day when he needed something to hold onto that reminds him people care. A friend had sent him a leather cuff he loved. He couldn't find it anywhere and concluded my dog ate it, which is possible. I have now ordered a replacement cuff, but he felt he needed something for the next day, which he demanded I provide. He had no ideas, and got upset if I lost eye contact or fell silent, so I just kept throwing out ideas as they came to me, without thinking them all the way through first, even though they wouldn't work for reasons I knew. When he's upset with me, he says things like, "Your total lack of responsibility really disturbs me." This makes me panic further because I've heard that all my life, and it means I'm failing, and now a close friend thinks so.

Today, a friend pointed out that while I feel he has absolute power because he's the dominant force in arguments, he feels disempowered because, in putting the discussion off, I have control of time and place. It's a sucky situation to be the one going, "Hey, wait, this is important" while the other person doesn't seem to be putting energy into it. I don't ever want to put a friend in that place, but I have.

Basically, I need a way to collect my thoughts that won't make him feel neglected. Primarily, how should I deal with on-the-spot crises when an answer is needed right then and I don't have one? Also, though he intellectually knows that I'm bad at time management because of ADHD and not because I don't care, he feels like I don't care when things don't get done on time. He told me today he feels like "kind of a sucker" for trusting me to get things done. What is a good way to communicate the fact that it has nothing to do with how much I care?

Thanks everyone! Sorry if this was incoherent.

Yours,
Ellen

Thanks everyone!
Ellen

People with ADD really shouldn't attempt to housebreak puppies. Forget about how to be nice and make your roommate feel good and all the blah blah. He's a dude and your dog is annoying. Either you fuk the guy's brains out and hope he falls in love with you, you get rid of the dog, or dude will throw you out on your keester.

I'm surprised he hasn't already. You must be hot. But seriously, I'd find somebody else to take care of the dog if I were you. You& your roommate will get along better without all the dog issues.