Do I have APD?.

I am a 21 year old male.

*Please note throughout my explaination's my *Make it sound not so bad* instict has kicked in alot....I kind of change state's of mind quickly adding fake empathy and remorse for thing's that I dont realy feel bad about at all. Like I know it is just like..kinda...scocialy acceptable to answer ...so i answer that way....idk....its hard to explain.

I am pritty sure i have been struggling with this for 11 year's. I was diagnosed with PTSD when i was a child, yet I dont see how that could still apply. I never needed medication for it, I just needed people to not act so threatingly around me. Theraphy never went down well with me because by the end of every session I had the *What i though/think* idiots believing I was some helpless victim and that I was never wrong, pritty much I just told them what they wanted to hear.


My unfortunate reason's I have come to this conclustion are as follow's.

I have a rather nasty almost uncontrollable lieing habbit...I have been trying for year's and I have finally stoped lieing about the 93% of the crap i made up when i was younger but some few thing's wont stop....Its like I have no control over myself when I feel I could be better friends with someone or get on with somone better if I just throw a small lie in to make myself seem more appealing....Even though i feel if I really wanted to i could bite my lip hard...And then I just instantly start covering my lie up with my intelegence(Im not saying Im a genius) so that they think the lie is true.

I use'd to be stone cold un-remorsefull and uncaring toward's everything...But since then I've got into the habbit of doing the whole.."What if it were me thing" and I have value's...And Ive never liked/wanted to hurt people but I have to say beating the $#%^ out of some idiot who try's to mug me or pick on me did and probably still does feel good...And when I do accidently hurt people I have this grin that I dont conciously make. Yet when i was younger I think i did actualy feel that way when i hurt somone. And *I just re-edited because i noticed I "Lie'd" by leaving out fact's....when I did defend myself..."I took it way beyond nessassary defence." it was more like I took tormenting there pathetic stupidity to a new level....I never killed them thou..

I used to also play these rather inventive mind game's with my "Test subject's" aka "Friends" throughout high school, so that I could learn what emotion should be correctly used in, certain situation's. Like in response to fear, love, anger, question's, lie's, truth. I messed them up pritty bad mentaly looking back on it, with my mind game's. But I felt i needed to learn from there misery how to be normal. I did some rather nasty thing's to them, and treated them quite badly as i can tell these day's. People can only be pushed so far.


I did hurt and kill animal's when i was a child......That is very wrong in my book's...yet in my defence, I never knew kitten's couldnt swim at age 5...and dog's and other animal's are worth teasing..and I did infact throw a cat in the air and then a basket ball at it which killed it when i was 10 because my brother was given it and I was jealous as a kid....."Like ###$ I would ever do it again..!....I follow a very buddhist lifestyle these day's so i havent hurt anyone in like 3-4 year's or anything! I love life these day's(Even if that does sound weird coming from me).

As a child i did get into...alot of fight's...(All which I never started! I just finished them...and that got me into alot of trouble) ....Well thats not entirely true i did provoke 2-3 out of the 30+ fight's ive had. I stole aalot of stuff as a kid...burglury's and shop lifting(Not all my fault but I will admit I did pre-emptivly do a bunch myself....which I am nolonger proud of)


I already cheated on my partner of 2 year's (we were going through a hard time in our relationship and i panic'd just that 1 time)

I dont really violate the right's of other's these day's...maybee except through my computer(I am a programmer)...Yet i do not damage anything or steal anything...just invade privacy I guess...(I must have a moralish reason for it thou)

I no longer get into fight's and distain fighting now...as i am a very rational creature...I rationalised there is no point....lol. But i probably would kill someone if threatend my loved one's safety.(I will say that with pride).

I have a computer and do advanced computer engineering...I am "Never" bored, But I got patience...especialy with my 1 and a half year old son lol.

Disregard for right and wrong, Half the crap everyone is taught between right and wrong. Is wrong anyway these day's and i will not conform to today's standard's. So I do have my own rule's on right and wrong....But the core value's of christianity/busshisim are the same as mine these day's.

I do feel as though i psycologically abuse my partner...not verbally....or physically....But I alway's do test's of her..and make her feel less intellectual than myself(Yet I try really hard to explain to her, that sometime's I just forget that not everyone has the same type's of intellegence's and that she is special in her own way)....and manipulate her into doing stuff....I feel bad quite awhile after it about having done it. Once again it's like...I rationaly see that it would be easier for me if she did it for me....Some i just instinctivly get her to do it.


I find it hard to even get a job atm. and Ive never had a good work track record.

I am not irresponsible thou.

I am alittle recless with my own safety when it comes to drifting my car...and sword practice. But I think thats part of what it mean's to do those two things.

I get told I am highly narrsisistic thou...and my humour is definitly that way inclined.

Before my current relastionship they had ever only lasted around 2 month's.




Sooooo do i have APD or what?

Yes, I think you have AsPD. 21 and already cheating? I was still a virgin at 21 (that was the year I lost my innocence to an old closet-pædophile and gained an abortion in the same fell swoop. I also contracted PTSD from him (but they gave some ointment for that) - so I hear ya. Wasn’t my best year, obviously. Intimacy freaks me out ever since.)

Still I’d say many of your woes are society’s fault, and you shouldn’t beat up yourself for things you never committed / were bullied into. Did you have abusive / neglecting parents? Some traumatic childhood event?
You sound very intelligent and well-put-together to me, and self-aware as well which is a precious rare virtue at such a young age. You are already on the path of self-healing and recovery. Keep up the good work - stay strong and smart. I shall emphasize ‘smart’ here, as if you expose your vulnerabilities and open wounds to the world, you’ll set yourself up very nicely for a well put-together and articulate (but devastatingly dangerous and unscrupulous) individual to waltz in and annihilate you.

Buddhist practice is good for the soul, also (as I’m sure you’ve heard this already) helping others is the best way to healing oneself. Why not share your past experiences and help moderating a group here? We have a ‘shoplifting’ subforum, you could offer your support there. Or, in real life, why not volunteer as a Christian Youth Worker? I’m sure your local churches will be eager to help (they‘re usually in shortage of personnel), you just need to ask around a bit, you preposterous bastard. Also, keeping a journal of your spiritual progress is a great tool - you can even publish it here (there’s a subforum for that, I forgot where…) Sports are good as well, not all though - I’ve nothing against sword-practice, but in your particular situation tai-chi could be more rewarding. Or chess. As for being more accepting of your partner, I recommend couples’ counselling.

Welcome to the forum - finding this place is the first important step on your path to recovery. Hang in there, and remember we’re here to help! You can always PM me when you feel hurt and anguished.

uchigatana wrote:intelegence(Im not saying Im a genius)

I never would've guessed...

This needs to be made a sticky: You cannot receive a diagnosis over the internet. With the exception of myself and maybe a few others, I doubt anyone on this forum is even qualified to give a diagnosis in person.

However, if I had to choose, I would say no, given that all you have said is true and accurate. Antisocial personality disorder is noted for a "pervasive pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others" (DSM-IV). You claim that you had, in childhood, violated the rights of others, but you no longer do so. Therefore, what antisocial tendencies you had (which would've been diagnosed with either ODD or CD during your childhood), have passed. Those that are left are not sufficient to justify a diagnosis of ASPD.

Myers is right, even if members believe you are due to what you havep osted about doesn't mean this is what you have. No one can give you a diagnosis on this site as no one here is a professional......

As for being stickied we are not sticking up any posts anymore...... '


uchigatna, if you feel this is something that you are concerned about i'd suggest looking into someone locally that can see you and you can discuss it with someone... there is treatment for this though some do not believe there is, or want to get it themselves... but at least by talking to someone whether you recieve treatment or not, if this is what you have at least you can get a diagnosis.

Good luck.

I say You are not. Simply because you defend yourself. I am a shithead - but i still know that i wont get my beloved sticker via interwebz - so thats adeen.

Dva: Oh my god - You cheated on someone? Really? "My god, i cheated on my girlfriend i must be a psychopatic maniac?" Don't make me laugh even thou i like to.

Tree -

"And when I developed this habit to think: "what if that was me"

- thats called emphasis mate. It is a big no-no to your ASPD theory.

I did hurt and kill animal's when i was a child......That is very wrong in my book's...yet in my defence

- So you are remorsefull right now? I think so.

As a child i did get into...alot of fight's...(All which I never started! I just finished them...and that got me into alot of trouble)

- mate, I would agree if You would intentionally screw with people to provoke the brawl (as i did) but that is another proof of You being weird not aSPd.

But i probably would kill someone if threatend my loved one's safety.(I will say that with pride).

- mate you certain you are in correct forums? Love AND sociopathy? Have you read anything about this term?

I do feel as though i psycologically abuse my partner...not verbally....or physically....But I alway's do test's of her..and make her feel less intellectual than myself(Yet I try really hard to explain to her, that sometime's I just forget that not everyone has the same type's of intellegence's and that she is special in her own way)....and manipulate her into doing stuff....I feel bad quite awhile after it about having done it. Once again it's like...I rationaly see that it would be easier for me if she did it for me....Some i just instinctivly get her to do it.

You my good sir are a jerk, not psychopath.

MyTrueLove wrote:(Im not saying Im a genius)

^ Epicest understatement of the month. Not a genius, but you give a run for their life to a legion of genii. If anything at all, it's only your false modesty ever to surpass your geniosity. Let's just say it took me at least a good 6 paragraphs to catch drift (guinness-records-worthy), then half an hour to spoon m'self up from the floor (ditto) but my side is still hurting.
I am yer dog, effendi (as the heathen saying goes).

I may have just fallen in love with you
Dagger in my heart.

Okay, so where were we - aye, masks (or was it the Perrier-Jouet? Avion-Voisin? Baume du Doge?? $#%^ I forgot...)

_
(P.S. sorry for spoiling the fun so untimely, Urd I've a short attention-span)

Oh noooooo - here's my inferiority complex creeping back once again...
(shouldn't have flunked my classes)

I do not really see where You did spoil the fun. I had my time crushing his self defence theories which he used to make himself feel better (for being jerk) and craving some uniqness - "Oh my god, I am ASPD, I am so rad!".

I would say that I may be ASPD - you can search for my thread in the oblivion of forgotten threads and read it, then compare to Your story. And even I know that I am as blunt as... Well i don't really know what is english proverb for this. A stick maybe? Or a baseball bat. In your case i would say that I am as blunt and oblivious as baseball bat and a telephone book - if You do not know this set up - ask someone streetwise. Anyway:

Wooster - this is fun as long as he will respond. possibly he will just read our answers and leave thinking we are cold, un-thinking, mean internet bullies because we denied him his desired "radness" or "coolness". Becasue this is what i think he is looking for - an excuse to be jerk, and proof that he may be the one and only. Obviously: he is not.

Urd wrote: ...that I am as blunt as... Well i don't really know what is english proverb for this. A stick maybe?

~ it's 'brick'. Thick as a brick.

Allrighty - I haven't spoiled any fun apparently, phew... carry on guys.

Urd wrote: - thats called emphasis mate. It is a big no-no to your ASPD theory.

How true. Haven't met a psyhco yet with correct declamation..