I would like help to become stronger

Hello every one, i'm not sure whether this site is going to be any help, but i have suffered with anorexia for 10 years, it has ranged from serious to mild. at the moment i have an 18 month old son who i am staying as strong as possible for and have kept my weight at 8st or there abouts. I still nearly every day think about doing it again, i have failed a few times and eaten only water for a week and lost a great deal of weight, i was tired and grumpy and couldnt cope with life. so i pulled myself out with the help of my partner and got back to normal. The main problem is i feel this urge and disgust with my body will never go away no matter how much i try to fight it. I need help but my family just dont fully understand. They just believe as i'm keeping my weight at 8st that i wont go back to the 6st i once was at 5 ft 6.
some days i actually wish i was free to just be anorexic again as i loved being skinny, if it wasnt for my son i know thats how id be. i love my son but i really am struggling to keep myself from returning to a life i know i cant cope with him in.
help

hello

i can understand to some extent where you are coming from. I had anorexia for four years, which got severe at some points and ended up in a couple of months in a unit. It's been two years since my hospital stay and i am a good weight now but i still missing being anorexic in a sick way. I'm in a long term relationship and live with my boyfriend, i know if i got sick again we wouldn't stay together.
It is so important to keep strong, so important, especially as you have a little son. It is such a struggle everyday but to achieve a fuller recovery would be worth every second of it. You can get stronger than you are but you need support, can you talk to your family about it? What about your partner?
When i was in hospital, there was this woman there and she had a kid but she insisted she could maintain a very low body weight and cope. Her kid started copying her eating at just 4 years old and got sick from not eating enough. Eventually her husband and child lived elsewhere because it was getting so bad. Now she just has herself and her eating disorder, i see her sometimes walking round the park endlessly with her walking stick. It's terrible, it was really awful to watch happen to a whole family.
If you want to just talk about anything feel free to pm anytime, you can say whatever you want and you don't need to worry, i will listen the best i can and help if i can.
i hope i can be of help.