how can i convince myself to get help? (possible triggers)

I'm scared... I know what I'm doing is unhealthy. I know if I continue down this path I will regret it later... but I CANT stop. I can't make myself eat more than 100 calories in one meal without feeling like crap...
The stomach growling is getting worse and worse, and I'm starting to get stomach pains now..
I feel so tired and just... exhausted all the time. I get dizzy every time I stand up. All i want to do is sleep- sleep and sleep and sleep. my entire day is just.. going to classes and staring at the clock, eating 100 calories of something for lunch, going to class.. and the rest of my day is spent doing homework for maybe an hour (and yea, im in college and i really need to be working for more like 5 but im too tired) and then looking at thinspiration or planning my diet or something...
I made a "diet" for myself today and listed how many calories I want to eat on what days- the lowest is 400 and the highest is 700- i KNOW how unhealthy this is but I absolutely cannot convince myself to get more than that. I ate almost 700 calories today and i feel so bad about myself, and ashamed and... fat.
I have a councilor because I am bipolar.. and he knows ive been having a little bit of trouble. But i dont know if I can bring myself to tell him just how much trouble I've been having. And my friends wouldn't understand. They would just tell me its unhealthy and that i should eat- duh, i know that. thats my problem)
And my family... they're pretty open. and they would understand.. but the thing is, my sister is doing REALLY well recovering from her ED, and she told me a few weeks ago that she had to stay away from her friends who still have eating disorders because it triggers her to be around them.. so if i told her, she would have to stay away from me. or more likely, it would trigger her, and that is the LAST thing I want to happen. She's been doing so well, and im so proud of her.
And then my mom... when we first found out about my sisters ED I listened to my mom cry night after night and say how it was all her fault, she was a horrible parent, what was wrong with her... and she sees me as the one child who isnt screwed up, the "good" child who is perfect and smart and is great at volleyball and is so happy...
if only she knew the real me. the me who cuts practically every day and spends half her time on her obsession with ana. the girl who is so self-conscious that she stays home and away from friends just so she doesnt have to worry about what they think.
Im so depressed and unhappy..
I dont know what to do. I dont know how to get help.. how to convince myself i want help. because my brain tells me that i NEED to stop, i need to get help and get healthy, but the other part of me tells me I'm being dumb, that I have control over this and I dont need to get help because i wont let it get "that bad"- however bad that is. How do I convince myself to get help when I dont want to change??

I dont know what to do. I dont know how to get help.. how to convince myself i want help. because my brain tells me that i NEED to stop, i need to get help and get healthy, but the other part of me tells me I'm being dumb, that I have control over this and I dont need to get help because i wont let it get "that bad"- however bad that is. How do I convince myself to get help when I dont want to change??

Hi lo_yo,

It's terrible what you're going through. What do you think caused you to become anorexic in the first place? Maybe if you can't bring yourself to ask for help straight out - you can start hinting at things with your counselor? Tell him about the 400 calories or that you have body image issues?