Anorexia as a way of having control ? Is that possible ?

Hi, I´m Leo and I think I might be anorexic but I`m not sure about it.

It`s a little hard to explain:
I don´t want to loose weight to get thin but to have something in my life I can control.
It makes me feel good knowing that I have the power to force my self into not eating even though I clearly feel that I am hungry. Just as if I would have to prove that I am good enough.

I unknowingly started half a year ago when I failed tests after tests even though I had studied quiet hard.I felt like $#%^ so I searched for something else (than my grades) I could have contol over, like food. My grades went up again but i still struggle with food.


SO TO MY QUESTION :
Would you call that an eating disorder ? Like e.g. Anorexia ?

P.s. I sometimes do calorie counting, but I don´t throw up my food (at least not yet).
I`m 1,70 (5`5 )
and I weigh *mod edit*

P.ss. I also know that you all probably are no doctors but i hope you can help me a little with your
experiences.

calories are not the way the body uses food. this provides no measure of nutrition. it's nutrition that allows the body to use the food for energy. just eating empty calories isn't healthy.

Hi Leo

Eating disorders are all about control. It's not always a conscious "I need to be in control", but I found that the less control I had over what was going on in my life, the more I focused on my weight. It was also a way of distracting- if I was focused on food and weight, I wasn't having to deal with what else was going on in my head.

Llelonie wrote:It makes me feel good knowing that I have the power to force my self into not eating even though I clearly feel that I am hungry. Just as if I would have to prove that I am good enough.

I think this is pretty common. Again it's all about control.

I became a perfectionist. Even a perfect grade (like 100% in an exam) wasn't good enough, because I couldn't achieve that in all my other exams. Controlling my weight gradually became part of that aiming for "perfect" (in hindsight as someone "mostly" recovered from ED issues, not realistic at all).

Not everyone with an eating disorder counts calories. Nor does everyone with an eating disorder throw up after eating. It's more about your relationship with food- controlling what and when you do and don't eat, bargaining "I'll have this now and I won't have dinner later...". Probably most importantly, not everyone with an eating disorder fits into the exact criteria for anorexia or bulimia. In my experience, any unhealthy relationship with food and weight (starving, bingeing, restricting, purging, overexercising) can be considered "disordered".

Have you thought about reaching out for some help with what you're going through?

Hello, Leo,

as far as I know, the diagnostic criteria for anorexia do not include any specific "reason to be thin" that needs to be met. So it might be because you want to feel in control. It might be because you want to feel good enough. It might be because you want to have a disctration from other issues. Or any other reason.

In other words, I definitely think it is possible to be classified as anorexic even though you "just want to have control". For me, it started the same way, actually. Over the years, my motivation changed slightly, but control was always quite integral to my efforts. So for example, when I gained weight I felt awful but not because I was "fat" (I never saw myself as fat, really), but because I know I had lost control.

In any case, I suggest you see professional help and talk about your issues. They might help you overcome your needs for control or at least find a healthier way to express it.

Isadora