SO SO ANGRY!

I am so so angry that I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. Everything makes me angry- my dog scratching at an itch, the rain, hearing others voices. It all grates on my nerves so much that I just want to throw things and scream and scratch my face off. Its so irrational and I have had a history of cutting, but its been at least a year since I have and I've been doing really well. I have been off my meds for almost 6 months (It turns me into an apathetic zombie). I feel guilty and ashamed that I snap at my family, I throw my stuff, I yell at my little sisters to shut up. But I cant help it I am just so angry and I have no real reason behind it. Its just these emotions that bubble over and a titter between wanting to hurt myself (lots of mental images of scratching my face off or driving recklessly) and feeling ashamed and wanting to hide from anyone knowing this side of me. This anger turns into a desperation- a feeling of being trapped of not being able to escape and so all I can do is cry and feel so horrible because my little sisters see me in this state and I imagine that when they grow up I'll be known as the crazy older sister ( kinda like the crazy cat woman...I'm 15years older than them)... I guess I just need to feel understood. I need to feel that I am not the only one who is like this. To feel that there is someone else out there like me...

SAM9372, maybe you need to get back on some meds, at least for a while. You can't let this take you over and even make you harm yourself. I know it can be really nasty when you feel this irritable, but you can get better. You have to tell your doctor.

I agree with jasmin.
Anger can be just as bad as it can be bad.
Your little sisters do not need to see you behaving this way.

I commend you on not cutting. That shows you are strong and brave.
If you can feel it coming, start scribbling on paper, tear it up, write mean things, tear it up.
jog, go for a walk.

If you can control cutting, you can/will be a winner at this too!
Peace,
Red

I can relate to the getting angry part - it represents me quite a bit. I've never self-harmed as I can't see any benefit, but I've hurt other people.

One day, I was walking home from my local pub, which is about 2 miles away from my house. I walk this route every weekend, and I have done for about 3 years.
This was a few months ago, when I was going through a rough patch. There's some nasty posts on here by me from the same period - wish I hadn't posted them really.
Anyway, I was walking home on my own, after having lots to drink. It was Christmas Day, about 2AM - I was out drinking celebrating Christmas Eve.
I got just over two thirds home when someone punched me near the kidneys, in the back.
I thought, Jesus, nearly had me on the floor, if it was a bit lower... Turned round and there was a gang of 4 teenagers there.
Anyway, I went a bit mental because I can't control my temper. I made the yob that hit me near to the kidney fall to the floor unconscious.

I struggle to experience sympathy, but the look on his face as he fell to the floor is an image I will probably remember for a while.

Not really sure on how to conclude this, but just sharing an experience of lack of control of anger - suppose I'm just letting you know you're not the only one, so don't feel as if all is lost!

Risperdol... I recommend it for you...

Or... get into MMA / UFC fighting... Either way...

Feel Better.
Yes, I realize how unhelpful this response was.

SmileXx wrote:Risperdol... I recommend it for you...

Or... get into MMA / UFC fighting... Either way...

Feel Better.
Yes, I realize how unhelpful this response was.

Me? Or the original poster? Or both?

50Hz wrote:

SmileXx wrote:Risperdol... I recommend it for you...

Or... get into MMA / UFC fighting... Either way...

Feel Better.
Yes, I realize how unhelpful this response was.

Me? Or the original poster? Or both?

Anyone with anger and irritability issues, really.

Fair enough - I'm on happy pills at the moment so we'll see what happens on Monday when I get to take 20mg!

I'm not elligible for medication.
I always stop taking it and not tell people.
Apparently I damaged my liver doing that (it obviously isn't my copious drinking habit I had to quit).
But my shrinky dink won't give me medicals anymore.

You're porbably one of those teenyboppers who are "angry at the world" because they have to go to bed during the daytime