Frustrated with a friend but don't know what to say to him

Is it alright to write about anger here?

Well anyway, I'm so annoyed at my friend! Or 'friend'. You know, he's like hiding stuff from me, or doing things, and not telling me about it. We have to meet up to practice for this game we all play, but he was going to run away with his flatmate and play it elsewhere. But his flatmate doesn't have a competition to go to, and me and the other guy do. And then he told the other guy about the game him and his flatmate were going to, and the other guy told me about.

Ok maybe its hard to follow, but basically, when i asked my friend about it, my friend said that he shouldn't have told the other guy, and also the other guy shouldn't have told me. What is that supposed to mean? He already told the other guy about it, whether that was deliberate or not, but then he didn't tell me and then he makes up this excuse, and says its 'totally understandable'.

I used to hang out with this friend alot, and we used to talk alot, but this stuff is straining our relationship. He just does everything for his flatmate. like if his flatmate doesnt like us (his friends), then we can't come along to the games they have. And then he doesn't tell me his flatmate doesn't like us or whatever, even though it was obvious, he still hides it. Its straining our relationship. I wanna just say something like that he can get his flatmate to be more considerate, or to just tell me straight that i can't come to this game because his flatmate doesnt want it, instead of hiding it, but he's just like avoiding it and thinks he has no part in this whatsoever. The only reason it matters is the 3 of us, and not his flatmate, have a competition to practise for so it would really help us, but his flatmates like being a jerk and won't let us come along, and then my friend acts like its totally ok. We all know each other, even his flatmate, I thought we were all friends. but he actually thinks badly or me.

I'm so angry at my friend tho, why can't he just tell me that stuff honestly instead of sweeping it under, and defending his flatmate so much? i just want to suggest ways he can help this situation but im not sure if he's going to understand at all. Secondly i have booked a trip with this friend, and im not really sure i can even stand him if he's making my stomach churn or somethign :s. How do u deal with this?

You friend seems to be sending you a message they may or may not be true.

You can continue to wonder where you stand as his friend or continue to be frustrated by your perception of his actions.

He may actually be trying to work both sides of the situation: keeping his flatemate happy and his other friends. If so, he isn't being very successful probably with either group.

You can let him know how you feel in a straightforward and non-hostile manner. If you can't do that now, you might want to back off from him for awhile until it is not so hurtful.

If he is informed of how you feel about his treatment he may try o rectify his behavior if he values your friendship, or continue to work the middle and keep both you and his flatmate, or decide that he can't do both and make a choice.

Ultimately it is his behavior that is the problem. You can't change his behavior, only your reaction to it. I have seen problems like this before and sometimes it becomes evident that people are exclusive with their friendships and can't juggle more than one at a time.

Good luck,

N.

His flatmate is so unreasonable sometimes. He seems to basically hate everyone. And all my friend does is kinda appease him because they are closest friends. But its like really tense when he has to hide stuff, i tried to get my friend to admit that his flatmate like doesn't like me or hardly anyone but he says he's not allowed to say anything about it : /. 'allowed'. It's just so frustrating sometimes!

It is a lot easier to have friendships with people who all get along with your friends or just don't mind. I just hate it if his flatmate is driving a wedge between me and my friend, and my friend and his other friends. It's a really bad situation for both my friend and his friends, and i think its wrong for his flatmate to act like that also.