Hate everything

Hi. I just found this forum and i'm really glad i did!
I'm dealing with depression, bdd, social anxiety and biopolar disorder for 5 years now
which made me feeling suicidal alot of times in my life
I'm currently at highschool and living with my religous mom which i have a huge hatred for what she have done to me
I've had alot of issues with school i've been in more than 10 schools in my life which just made my social anxiety even worse i dropped from school a few times and came back cause of that. tomorrow i have school and if i won't go i'll probably have problems and they'll kick me out but i'm defiently not in the mood for school right now i've had a really bad depression this month
and i'm thinking of killing myself all day but i'm just a coward little bitch i've tried to get sleeping pills which from what i've heard is the least painful way to die but you can't get this without a doctor where i live
why do i have to deal with all this $#%^?!
my parents don't even give a ###$ about my life they never asked me how i feel they never asked me why i don't have friends they never asked me why i'm always sad and never go outside
all they care is about their stupid life and instead of helping me they just shout at me like i'm the one to blame
no words can describe how it makes me angry that i need to live a life as a short ugly boy and the only way of getting out of this is a painful way which most of the time will fail

After reading your post, i will suggest you to consult with a professional physician. I don't know but it will help you. There are many ways to keep yourself busy in life and divert your mind. Learn about yoga techniques, make new friends, participate in those activities that help others etc.