Abusing my puppy and I don't know why :( *Trigger Warning*

I'll just give you a little background on myself. I am going on 22, my husband and i have one dog named and a new puppy we will have had him for a month in a few days. So we got our puppy and he is one of the hardest dogs to train. I honestly didn't do very much research but I do know now a lot that I didn't before.It says the best way to train them is through positive reinforcement and we have been using that along with a tap on the butt and saying no, which from what i've read isn't good to do. My husband thinks it's stupid to have him trained any other way then his butt spanked. He knows to go to the bathroom outside but still pee's in the house and I really don't know why. When he does this it makes me so mad, I'll get angry and toss him outside. He also screams and that's what really pisses me off. The first time he started was when i put him in his crate, he didn't like it and was screaming. Took him out and spanked him. Put him back in and he started whining/ screaming. We have a shock collar from our other dog Aaron which worked amazingly so i put that on him but it was too big so i had to tie it all weird. He basically wasn't getting the concept of the beep and shock, he didn't even feel it, so I put it on the highest setting and then he really started freaking out and i felt bad and took him out. I felt pretty bad about that though i was shaking and was hoping he wasn't hurt. The second time i really hurt him was when he was going under the entertainment stand, he knows not to go under there but still does it anyway. He never listens it seems like. I grabbed him from under there and he started screaming so i told him no and @!@@@! his nose, he kept going and so i basically threw him on the ground. I felt so horrible, like how could I ever do this. I was crying for a hour straight. Told my husband and he said that it happens to a lot of people, especially with babies and i guess its best to walk away and take a breather, but when i'm mad and in that moment don't even have time to think its just hard but he told me try not to do it again. Well a week later he is still freaking out about being in his crate, whining and everything at night. We can't let him freak out in there because we have an apartment and also don't put up with that crap. I forgot to mention my husband had been gone two weeks for a business meeting, so it was just me and the two demon dogs. So he doesn't stop and so i take him out and restrain him (lay him down and show him dominance) and he starts barking like I'm killing him, so that just sets me of for some reason and I spank his butt, he gets even more whiny and i end up throwing him on the bed. I put him in his crate and he was fine after that. The third time was just today and i feel like I'm going to rot in hell for this. I thought I killed him. I let them outside like usual once we got up this morning, let them eat their food, and that's when it happened, honestly I can't even remember what happened, but he wouldn't stop screaming. I ended up throwing him on the floor and he hit his back on the floor. He wouldn't move or make any noise and i just started crying and freaking out. What have i done to him i don't even know but I didn't know what to do, I called my husband and he didn't answer because he was at work. A minute later he started to move and then he was back to normal. I can't believe what I have done to this poor helpless animal. I don't know what to do, i feel like I need to be punished because that's what i deserve. I want to go jump off a cliff.

I've never had a background of getting abused or anything like that so I'm not sure why I am doing this. Every time i do hurt him, I vow to not do it again and then end up doing it. I guess it makes me mad that he thinks he's the one in charge and that's the way all of them are bred and they can't help it. I feel shaky but angry at the same time every time i hurt Kyle, it has been probably about three times, and that's basically once a week. I keep telling myself it will get better but it hasn't. I want to get rid of him because i don't deserve him, but at the same time i need to deal with it the right way, because one day we will get another dog and have a baby maybe. I don't want to do that to my future dogs/ children. When we had our other dog as a puppy (we rescued him when he was 6 months) there was only one time where I freaked out and that was because he stepped in his own poop and wouldn't let me clean it, then track it through the whole house and got on the bed with it. But i don't remember beating him, probably spanking him on his butt.

My friend came over earlier this week and the puppy started barking and non stop barking so i closed his mouth shut so he would stop and he just wouldn't so i put him outside, brought him back in and he was fine with her, not sure why he did that. I'm not sure what to do with him when he non stop barks like that.I can't keep his mouth closed because then he basically can't breathe. If i don't do that then he will just keep on barking. It's so loud too. they play a lot and My husband told me that I need to stop and walk away or he is probably going to leave me. I just don't understand why I'm doing this because I've been working out and had sex with my husband.

If anyone has any tips at all that would be very helpful, thank you.

Would you do that to a child that had a will of his own. Some puppies are smarter than those that train easy, they cannot be a robot, he has a will of his own.
If you raised a child that way, they would have emotional problems when they grow up.
Give that pup to someone who loves and has patience.

You and your husband shouldn't be allowed to own any pets, seriously.

Hi,

I'm sorry all of this that have been happening.

In a way puppies are like kids, so yeah, you need patience when dealing with him.

It seems you are angry, because you don't know how to handle the situation. It also seems it's a territorial battle: You want to show him you are in control, but he's not believe you. A dog will give in command to someone assertive and with whom they feel safe.

Maybe you could try and watch some episodes of the Dog Whisperer, or hire a trainer for him to teach him. It could also be good to work on what's causing you anger. Yeah, puppies and kids are similar, so if you plan to have a baby, situations like this may rise. It'd be good to know how to handle your control issues if you have any, or how to handle anger.

Maybe the puppy has a lot of energy too. Have you exercised him enough? Maybe if he was tired enough he wouldn't bark so loud, and he would stay calmer and not go under the entertainment table.

Hey, it's cool that you realized that what you're doing to him is no good. Now, you need to make another effort and actually change. Understand what's going on and change. For him, and for you. I think he's a present life has presented to treat your own issues, so, work on them.

Wish you the best.

Sea

Dear Iheartaustin,
im sorry you go through such a hard time with your puppy.
I had a puppy last year that i had a hard time 'training'.. well, i'm a cat person, and cats are much more easy to deal with. but that's a different story.

I have a LOT of anger management issues myself, and i was losing it when my puppy wouldnt listen. BUT i do have some tips!

1. research training tips and videos. There are many free resources online, and even on youtube. I used the method recommended by a guy on youtube [but can't remember his name] and it was working. !!! WARNING though: the results make you believe this happens in half a day, but NO! it takes longer than that.
2. you must always keep calm BEFORE going to see your puppy. if you feel like you're losing it, WALK AWAY ASAP!!
3. you need to be persistent in your training: ALWAYS use the same method!! otherwise both you and the dog get confused. if for instance, when you train your dog and he responds the way he's supposed to, reward him! [1 dry kibble thingie at a time works fine]. if the dog does something he's not supposed to, IGNORE him. You reward your dog after he pees/poos outside, but ignore him when he pees indoors or goes in places he's not supposed to. II sure know it is harder to do. been there.
4. dogs don't understand language, but 'energy' signature and attitude. my dog was acting worse around me when i was nervous/anxious/stressed/whatever. she was calm when i was calm and when i was ignoring her.
5. crate training is nightmarish. i was lucky my dog didn't cry [my neighbors have noisier dogs than what mine was]. HOWEVER it can be done.. im not sure you still need to do it at this point, but it can be helpful in the future. Make sure you crate him in the day time, when there are least neighbors at home. he cries? you ignore him!!!!! he calms down by himself? you go reward him - petting or treat.
6. hitting/spanking his butt area when he does something bad = NONONONO! because he will translate the touch as petting. petting = love, love= "i did something good" in his mind, therefore counter productive
7. the easiest thing to teach a dog is 'to sit' and you don't really need to say it, but you should. hopefully you have some dog food with a strong scent your puppy likes. have a piece in your hand, and let him sniff it. he will try to grab it [accidentally biting your fingers, so watch out], but make sure he doesn't. [if he does, just take another piece and try again]. Your dog will try and reach it at first, but in the end will sit: as soon as he sits, you let him have it. don't use the command 'sit' from the start, but after a week or so, when he doesn't try so hard to take the treat from your hand.

I managed to see results in a about a month maybe? my dog was the dominant one, so she was trying to dominate me. I was getting angry because i couldn't make her listen to me. we weren't a match in personality, so now she has a much better home. [in case you were wondering why i use the past tense]

take your puppy to the vet to make sure he's fine. pets are really like kids, and they're more difficult to manage. i hope my post helps a little. try to forgive yourself for what you did, even though it's horrible. we all make mistakes.

Are there control issues in your relationship or emotional baggage (because you don't have complete control over your partner or a relative or a work/money scenario) that you might be taking out on the dog? Who is it that needs disciplining? Was your puppy really that dysfunctional in the first place that it needed to be so closely monitored and trained, or are you programming it to become dysfunctional because you need something to blame your problems on. I agree with the other poster that maybe pets aren't a great idea for you and your husband right now.

You should probably just get rid of the puppy. If you end up hurting it or killing it you could get charged with animal abuse, and I'm sure you don't want that. And definitely don't have a child right now because that will ###$ your life up even more if you hurt a human.

I get really angry at animals too when they do something I don't like. But getting angry at a dog, specifically, does pretty much nothing. I'd say the best thing is to give the puppy to someone else before it turns into a retarded adult dog that still pees in the house. Once you get rid of it, then you can work on your anger problems.

People that take at a personal level the relationship with a helpless usually have big mental problem, moreover taking at a personal level the trasgression and needs of the baby is a pattern of the abusive mother (with all the meanings behind that you can discover alone searching).
You cant solve these things in two snaps of fingers, you must give the dog and NOT THINKING: I will have other dogs.
You must say: I will heal myself and ...then what will be will be.

I ADD: the shock collar is a prehistoric inappropriate way to teach something a dog and I hope finally they will be able to make it illegal.

For those people stumbling upon this post seeking assistance with their own issues regarding maltreatment of domestic animals, I can literally change your life if you heed my advice. Forget all the psycho babble and indiscriminate hints at justification you've been fed and everytime you begin to sense that your animal may be about to engage in unacceptable activity, and indeed if you've just returned home, or are in another room, think to yourself "I am responsible for only 2 things in life, my thoughts and my actions." Say this to yourself three times. If this doesn't make sense or seems stupid, please, do me and all suffering animals out there this one favor and just give it a shot. But it has to be every single time you are about to see the trigger animal, until one day, after days, weeks, or months of no abuse and a much calmer environment, your newly shaped companion will indeed begin to fulfill its role in devoting it's life to your sustained happiness. As it is now, you speak to it like a human and assume it has human thoughts and can predict your thoughts and transgressions. It's really almost silly when you think about it

I beat my 4 month old husky for no reason. Idk what is wrong with me either.