Wish I had a bad temper

I'm an extremely calm cool and collected individual. And I hate it! I wish I were "ghetto" and "gangsta." I wish I had the fiercest most ferocious personality anyone had ever seen. I also wish I knew how to throw a punch like a man and maybe even wield a knife.

I am outraged at society for the double standard (he's a man, she's a h*) and all the assumptions that come with it (she's not a nice girl, she was abused as a child, she's afraid to get hurt, she has low self-worth, she's on drugs, she has a lot of issues etc.) I have had sex with about 60 men and 4 women. I have never done drugs, I was never molested/raped, I'm not an alcoholic, I don't miss my first love, nothing of the sort. But there are all these assumptions floating around. I hate people. I hate their opinions.
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But when I get angry, I withdraw and become cool like a snake. I speak in a calm voice and it makes it very easy for people to walk all over me. I have been yelled at, lectured, even mocked and humiliated for being different.

I have tried to be happy and chipper, to go into religion/spirituality/meditation to cope with this anger but nothing works. I feel very hurt and threatened by people and I'm afraid of them.

I wish I could explode in an Ebonics accent that says "fall back", "don't f*ck with me".

What should I do?

'Mouse-

Interesting post. I'm "cool and collected" the vast majority of the time .... but I have my moments. And I share your outrage at the double standard- men who "have a lot of notches in their belts" somehow get respect in a way that we don't- we are just sluts. Totally unfair- but it's how it is. Sixty partners- for some people here, that puts you in the "whore" category (not with me, I might add), but a man who did that .... well he's just spreading his wild oats. And there are men out there who just want to "score", and once they do, well they can trash your name. I just never understood it- seems to me there were two involved in the act in question.

I do detest some people's opinions- I try hard not to detest the person (not 100% successful in that effort). Hate the sin, not the sinner.

I would say keep being cool and collected- I just don't think you want to descend to the level of a gangsta rappa (and some of that is just show). But you need to find a way to deal with the anger. While I don't see that you have anything that could be described as mental illness, I still might suggest you discuss your situation with a therapist. You should have to bear anger- or be walked over- because you take the high road in life.