How the hell do you STOP drinking?

My alcoholism started when I first met my bf two years ago. He was/is an alcoholic and I was definitely drinking too much already so when we met all we did was constantly drink together. We were both going through a lot of heavy $#%^ so I guess it makes sense. It was easy to excuse it because we were both still functioning despite getting $#%^ faced every single night. Pretty much everyone around us knew we had problems with alcohol and would address it but we were both like whatever about it. For two straight years now I've said I'm not an alcoholic because drinking hasn't done anything to destroy my life. However...



We started living together a year ago. And I seriously think we've drank almost every single night since then unless we were too hungover. And even then we frequently use alcohol to combat the hangovers. Idk how I didn't realize it was a problem before. Denial I guess? Until drinking started to destroy our relationship because we only argue when we're drunk and they are NASTY arguments. I have emotional issues in general but when I'm drunk they're so bad. We have a lot of history and it's not all good so I just become this horrible human being who says awful $#%^ I don't mean and the worst part is I don't even remember it half the time. I ######6 hate the person I am when I'm super drunk. It's the version of me that is angry and resentful...which isn't who I am sober, or in general. And he also becomes aggressive and REALLY sad when he drinks as well. It just brings out the ugly in both of us.



Anyway. We're separate (not broken up) right now partly because of other reasons but I think largely because of us constantly arguing while drunk. During our last argument I ###$ up really bad and was completely out of line. And I'm having a really hard time right now being apart just because we're always together so it's like "wtf do I do now?" kinda feeling. And I've been drinking to deal with that feeling and I feel like I'm just NOW realizing how damaging it's been and just like. My first go-to coping skill is to drink. I didn't realize how bad it was till now cus I'm still drinking despite the damage and he's not around..so it's not just us being together that makes me drink. If that makes sense. I'm still drinking with or without us enabling each other. I mean I guess I knew before the drinking was a problem but it was easy to excuse in my head.

I just wanna drink all the time! I hate being sober. And it's ###$ because I have physical symptoms as well. Like I'll be shaky while sober. I'm just obviously addicted to alcohol and am acknowledging it finally...and I wanna get sober, and not destroy what's left of my relationship, but I have no clue how the hell people actually get sober. I don't wanna go to rehab. Idk though. I have no clue what I'm doing.

Welcome to the forum Hellacious912 ,

Sorry to hear you're dealing with this . Wanting to become sober when your partner is still actively drinking is a tough spot to be in . I lived with my ex for many years and the beginning of our relationship was very similar to yours . We were mostly binge drinking on weekends . It's important to note that at the time , we were in our mid-twenties and the social scene essentially centered around " getting wasted " and having a good time . .

As time went by , I began to drink less and it made the relationship very unstable . I personally didn't struggle with giving up drinking but I no longer felt comfortable in that group of friends and eventually moved on from them . My relationship ended when I realized he could not / would not acknowledge that he had a drinking problem . As a post script , long after our break up he joined AA and has been sober for over 20 years now . I'm very proud of him for taking that step . I never thought he was a bad person . He's a good man with a bad disease .

That said , I believe that it's necessary to get yourself where you want to be before you can consider what you want and need from a relationship .

Are there AA meetings where you are ? Sobriety is a commitment and being around others who are committed to it can be a tremendous source of support and motivation . You're not alone in this .

When I got to AA, they said I had to change people, places and things. I needed to for my own sake.
Getting stopped is easier at a detox or inpatient rehab. Staying stopped is a 'one day at a time' for a lifetime of things being real and trusting yourself.
Take the time off to get yourself well. I had to put external things on hold for awhile.
Talk to people, listen to their stories, learn how they recovered, make contacts for support, choose a slogan, read How it works or the 12 steps at the beginning of the meeting, get a sponsor, become a coffeemaker or set out the literature. Keep coming back.
Alcohol was literally killing me. I wasn't successful at recovery at first. I had to finally want sobriety more than anything else in my life. It was a case of 'surrender to win'.
The shame, misery and despair of not being who I wanted to be was lifted from me. Recovery is precious and grows inside you. You have to give it away in order to keep it.
Please feel free to read other threads in this topic to see how it can be done.
Best of luck to you in your decisions.