This is me on display

I feel like I have a lot to get off my chest and I feel like you guys would understand. I am twenty years old and I feel like I'm slipping into this hole or more like being dragged into it, and I feel like I'll never be able to return to my old self. I'm sitting here crying, feeling pathetic, alone, tired, angry, and frustrated above all. Where do I begin? Where do I find the source of the problem or problems. I guess I'll start with when it all begin. When I knew something was wrong. It was the summer after I turned 18 and had graduated high school. I started having panic attacks, at the time I was unaware of what was happening to me because like most of you up until then I had never experienced one. I felt like I was on the verge of death every five minutes, and I would spend my days crying uncontrollably. It wasn't until I did a little bit of research that I realized that my symptoms were those of panic attacks and I was having them frequently. Well time went on and I gradually got better. I learned to somewhat manage them even though it was hell and life was a constant gamble. I even went back to school. Oh how I was fooling myself into thinking that things were finally turning around. I dropped out five months later because I couldn't function anymore, and have been for the most part home bound since then. I still go out to run or go on errands with my mother, who denies that there is anything wrong with me but if I could I would confine myself in the smallest space and just hold my breath until I ceased to exist.

It's hard for me reading some of your stories because I know what it is like, to be on the outside looking in. I'm starting to just feel depressed. Empty waiting to die, because maybe then I'll feel alive. I don't even know what is that I'm trying to get across, I just know that I need to get this out. This is just a fraction of everything that is floating around in my head. And I don't want to bore you guys, maybe when I'm better able to put some structure to my thoughts will I write some more but for now I just want you guys to know that yes you are alone, but we are alone together.

Have you ever talked to your doctor about your problems?