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So torn as to what to do

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So torn as to what to do

Postby DamagedGoods4013 » Wed Jun 07, 2017 11:33 pm

I know I have a problem with hoarding. I don't want to admit it, but when you have a 1 bedroom apartment like me, and enough stuff to fill a 2 or 3 bedroom, then I guess that makes you a hoarder. That's who I am.

I hate being called that, even if it is true, because I'm not like those a######s you see on tv who have piles up to the ceiling. Yes I probably have too much stuff. I've had to throw out so many things that had real sentimental value, so I"m not willing to let anything go now. And NO I don't mean things like garbage. I don't mean stupid things like Q-tips. I mean things like my massive doll collection that includes tons of clothes, dolls, playsets, and more.

Several years ago I got rid of several dolls worth hundreds of dollars. It broke my heart to do it but I did, and I did not sell them. I did eventually replace some of the dolls I lost but not all.
Then a few months later I had to clean my apartment because I was threatened by management. I had someone help me but they forced me to get rid of more valuable dolls and things I really didn't want to part with. I was berated about my hoarding and just heard over and over again about what a mess I had.

Nowadays I can't keep my place clean no matter how hard I try. It's not that I don't want to, but that I want to organize the place and nobody will help me because, as soon as they walk in and see all the stuff I have (and just to reiterate: I DO NOT HOARD GARBAGE, I THROW OUT GARBAGE REGULARLY) in piles and boxes, and then they start complaining about how messy it is, how much stuff I have, and of course the "Oh my God" bit and the lectures about keeping the place neat usually follow.
I can't afford a professional, because they charge too much. I'm not sure I would trust them anyway. I'm sick of how people think the only solution to my hoarding problem is to eliminate or even reduce the size of my doll collection. It should be MY decision, but unfortunately, no matter what anyone says, it isn't.

I get responses "Nobody's forcing you to do so." Not in so many words, but when you get told that you need to get rid of stuff, and they see the dozens of dolls I have (maybe 100s?) that is the first thing they think I should cut back on. Or the snarky "you don't have to do anything" or "you can do whatever you want." YEAH RIGHT. You and I both know that is bull ***t. As long as I live in an apartment complex, with paper walls and paper ceilings (as evidenced by the 8 to 10 stains on the ceiling from leaks), and also NOSY neighbors, I will never be able to live as I like. Of course I can't really own a home and live as I like, either, but that's slightly different. Oh and I almost forgot the "Why don't you move if you don't like it, or buy a house?" Neither one of those is as easy as it sounds. Homes in my area are expensive thanx to the rich snobs, and taxes are high. Also, I have three cats and I am under an old lease where 3 pets are permitted. No other complex allows this. Lastly, I really don't want to move because I am going to be retiring in the next 3 years, and then I will be moving to my mom's place to care for her.

Sooooooooooooooo.....bottom line is: I don't really like living with piles of stuff everywhere, but I'm also not willing to part with things just because someone else says so. I probably do have things I could part with, but I hate being forced to do so because either the landlord, or my friends, family, or whomever says I must. I don't like being called a "hoarder" just because I happen to have boxes of things all around my apartment. I am always in constant fear that a maintenance problem will arise and then I'll have to try and get my place picked up just so they can come in and look around. It makes me nervous that they will report me. I'm on my "last chance" according to some. I have lived in the same place for over 25 years, and I am not one of those who can just have only a few measly material things and live in a 1 bedroom. I do not and will not keep so much stuff that I have 8 to 10 foot high piles. I really do want to try and get this place so it isn't a major undertaking to clean up. But I need HELP, and I really wish someone would help me without either psycho-analyzing me, complaining about my stuff, or telling me what to keep and what not to.
(And that's also why I'm glad nobody can reply to this post. If I am out of line in any way, Admins, please let me know.)
My disorders:
ADHD (dx'ed)
AvPD (meet all the criteria and have all symptoms - looking to get dx'ed)
SAD
Possible OCD or mild bipolar
DamagedGoods4013
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
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