fear of hurting other people?

I am in no way violent whatsoever, and I do not want to be. But, I have this horrible fear that I constantly hurt people.

The most disturbing is when I literally see myself being violent to someone in my mind. These images and videotapes replay again and again and again when they come and I don't know how to stop them and I don't know why they come. I have NEVER been violent and there is no one I want to hurt or kill.

A few weeks ago I was out cutting branches in my back yard with these giant clippers and that night when I was with people all I could see were my giant clippers cutting up their body. It is SO scary! I get so disturbed and afraid.

I also don't like looking at people or like them looking at me because I'm so afraid that some sort of harmful ray comes off of me. That sounds crazy I know.

Is there any one else that is like this or know what is wrong with me? Is this even a phobia, or is it more OCD related because the thoughts of hurting others is obsessive?

It sounds like ocd. I have had thoughts and images regarding hurting people. I was seen, and they diagnosed me with ocd. You should defintitely tell a doctor about this. Don't be ashamed. A doctor who knows anything about this condition will know that these thoughts and urges are not some thing that you would actually do. Don't be afraid, they wont think that you are crazy. And, don't let the thoughts bother you too much because you know that you wouold never do it. You do know that you have control over your actions. Good luck with this.
Amy

Thanks so much. It made me feel so much better that you said the doctor will know that I wouldnt actually do them.

unwanted thoughts are mostly from OCD, an antidepressant med sometimes helps, self help books on OCD have advice on unwanted unpleasant thoughts, especially one called 'brainlock' if you can find a copy, try a library

OVD is an anxiety condition so do try to learn new ways of calming and relaxing yourself, needless to say, whatever reduces your anxiety also reduces your OCD

It sound's to me like it is more OCD related then a phobia. I have gruesome thought's of me hurting people or other's hurting my loved one's and I also obsess over them. My psych say's that it is OCD. I know it is scary and you start to worry that you may be capable of these thing's, although you know that you would never hurt anyone. Talk to a doctor about this, so that they can get you the help you need. Just keep reminding yourself that you would never do these thing's. Your not a bad person for thinking this way. I hope that thing's get better.

Take care,
Kayty

I personally don't think it's OCD. You have no compulsions to go with your thinking. It sounds like you may have a self esteem issue. You are constantly fearing harming the people you care about. Perhaps you feel you aren't good enough, and by being so (which is untrue) you feel you are only hurting them. You may think that you are confident in yourself, but maybe deep down inside you aren't okay with yourself. it seems you are scared of losing the ones you love.


just a thought.

Wow. I've never heard anyone express this repeating issue that I've also had. Sometimes I think that these images in my head that pop up are influenced into being by movies and tv, which I don't watch a lot of, but I'm very visually impressionable. I'm a very peaceful person, I mean one of my heroes is Ghandi, I realistically wouldn't do these things but I seem to obsess with them in my mind exactly because I am so against them and fear these kinds of behaviors. I also wonder if it could be an expression of swallowed anger. I feel guilt about these thoughts and wonder how to talk about them because I would like to be relieved by someone's understanding. I've also seen images flash in my mind when merely seeing an object often used in violence like a knife. If I see someone holding a sharp knife in the kitchen sometimes I immediately hold my stomach because in my mind I see the person striking me with it and it gives me chills.

edit:

Oh and with your mention of harmful rays.. I've felt before that my eyes are dangerous, I could see it as giving off rays as you put it. I feel that my anger or blunt observations about a person are expressed in my eyes and may hurt them. This is why when I'm angry I avoid eye contact because I don't want to really hurt someone with my eyes. Have you ever had that too?

hello

you are not going crazy.

a similar thing happens to me, and when i first had it i thought i must be a terrible person, and it made me desperate and suicidal.

its a surprisingly common form of Obseesive Compulsive Disorder, and can be overcome with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

x

I would definately agree with everyone else on this that it sounds a lot like OCD. I've had the same thing in my past, and I have OCD. Don't worry it does go away!!

Thanks for having the courage to actually post your message and thanks to everyone for replying.I first had these thoughts about 3 years ago when I was going through immense stress and some depression in my life my a*sehole doctor told me it was anxiety and put me on drugs without seeing a psychologist which made me worse.I still have never seen a psychologist but i think I will.Oh and dont worry these thoughts and feelings go for sure I havnt had anything like these for about a year and a half I am going through a lot of stress again now and these thoughts have come back.They are so annoying because you know they are not true or real feelings but they keep popping up.I thought I was a terrible person aswell (everytime i saw a knife or some horror movie I would think about cutting my wrists with it or stabbing someone with it its so ridiculous the way I see it you worry get anxious or keep thinking your greatest fear for most it is dying for some of us its hurting people maybe this means we put other people before ourselves and would rather die than hurt anyone)and got really depressed from this the strange thing is the more you worry about these thoughts the more stressed and anxious you become and the worse they get.God its so annoying.But now I know what it is from you guys thank you so much. f*kin OCD im gonna kick its arse baby .