I can't orgasm unless I masturbate!

just find time to relax and have a good fiddle down below

HAHA! It's true, though. Knowing your own body well can help you teach someone else how to touch you.

Remember that every woman is different. Some women don't ever have orgasms during sex, but hopefully you'll find a way to make it happen. I have read that it has a lot to do with the position of the clitoris in relation to your vaginal opening. Sometimes, there isn't enough stimulation from sex. And the G-spot... it DOES exist, but it's in a different place for some women. A friend of mine had an inverted uterus (it was tilted backward instead of forward), so her G-spot could be reached better when she had sex "doggie style". Keep trying new positions, and if you run out of ideas, peruse a copy of the Kama Sutra. Sometimes, it's a simple as putting a pillow under your butt while having sex missionary (regular, man-on-top) style. This raises you pelvis and tilts it a bit, sometimes making it easier to hit the G-spot.

Tell Scott that there are some women that can't have orgasm at all during intercourse, and many more that have a really hard time doing so. It isn't necessarily his fault, and women get a great deal of pleasure from sex even without an orgasm. Try different positions, have him give you oral, prolong the foreplay, teach him how to use his hands, relax, and don't give up. Have fun with your "assignment"!

Well said, Entangled. That is exactly why I used to have that problem. Because I'd been single for so long, I had to find a way to pleasure myself...thus, leading to masturbation, and it became a habit. When that happened, it was almost impossible for me to reach climax with a partner. Very frustrating.

Abstince, people!

Please do not get discouraged, this is completely normal.

It's (sadly) normal for women to NOT have an orgasm during sex.
From all I have read in books, magazines, and online, the majority of women do not have an orgasm during intercourse unless there is direct stimulation to the clit. "Regular" sex doesn't involve contact with the clit, so, if this direct stimulation is going to happen, you'll have to rub it, or have you partner rub it, while you make love.

My husband is really frustrated that I never cum when we make love... he has often expressed to me that it makes him feel like he's doing something wrong, or he's just not experienced enough to please me ... I would guess that a lot of caring men would feel this way if their partners didn't cum. But, fellas, it's not your fault!

Women are very emotionally and physically complex. It might be emotional baggage, socio-religious conditioning, or every day stress that is blocking us from letting go. These factors, combined with the physical fact that our G-spots are hard to get to (or, in some cases, impossible to find/reach) and our clits need to be stimulated (sometimes in a very particular way) that we just don't orgasm with a partner.

I've struggled with this issue for a long time, thinking that there was something wrong with me that I didn't cum like a pornstar everytime... I orgasm just fine when I masterbate, so, why not when I'm with someone else? For me, it's mostly a matter of emotional issues that don't allow me to relax enough... But I know that there is nothing "wrong" with me and that I'm not "an ice queen" just because I have a hard time cumming when I'm with the man I love.

Sex can be really pleasurable, and the orgasm is the icing on the layer cake... but, if I don't cum during sex, I masterbate afterwards, and then all's complete.


For those who feel they MUST have an orgasm during sex, try rubbing your clit or having your partner rub it, or include a small vibrator or other clit-stimulators into your sexual regime. Also, maybe try to not masterbate so that the sex will be all that more exciting. Who knows, it just might work for you!