help delayed retarded ejaculation

hi,

i am finally seeking help for a problem ive had all my sexual life
i am 30 year old male, healthy dont smoke light drinker.
ive never been able to ejaculate with a partner (only once oral/hand) i cant think of a reason where i have no history of abuse or trumer
i have a pretty health sex life. ive had a few serious partners and a number of one night stands.
my current girlfriend who i love so dear, i can tell this is starting to get her down. she has been very understanding and she is the first person i have been able to to talk to about this problem. we have great sex but still i cant not cum, we have tried having sex then me finishing myself off over her this has work twice but has also failed four or five times.
i am waiting for an appointment at the sexual disfunction clinc.

any help or advice would be warmly welcome thank you

Hi sparky30,

I'm sorry you are experiencing this problem. I understand how it can put a strain on relationships, but it's good that your partner is loving and understanding.

What's it like for you when you masturbate alone? Can you ejaculate then?

If so, I wonder if you are finding it difficult to relax enough when you are with a partner. Do you think this could be an issue for you? Of course when you are worrying about not ejaculating it would make it difficult to relax. Have you ever tried masturbating whilst your partner watches?

I'm pleased that you've made an appointment at the clinic. I hope the first appointment goes well!

thanks for your words

masturbation when i'm alone is fine no problem.
we havent tried her just watching me.
just waiting on my referral appointment in my letter said it could take up to six weeks, it is no six and no word yet.
i will keep you posted and again thank you for your words i've always thought that i must be the only person to ever suffer from this

Ah six weeks is already a long wait.

I'm no professional, but whilst you're waiting I would try to slowly increase your girlfriend's participation in your masturbation. It'd be like trying to teach yourself to relax when she's around.

So if you'd normally only masturbate when she's out of the house, try it when she's at home, but maybe in another room. If you can ejaculate then, next time try doing it when she's in the same room but distracted (say with headphones on or watching TV). If that's okay, then maybe try a situation where you can't see her, but you know she's watching you. So she could be looking at you through a slit in the doorway like a peeping tom. I think eventually you want to get to the point where you can ejaculate during masturbation whilst she is touching you (in a way that you like to be touched). But it may take some time and practice, so just keep taking small steps and don't feel bad about yourself if you find it difficult.

Another thing you could do is try to think about why you find it difficult to relax around a partner. Could a female have once made you feel hurt or ashamed about sex? Perhaps your mother walked-in on you masturbating and reacted strongly, or something like that? Or are you self-conscious of your body and feel that your partner won't love you? If you can find the feelings that are behind your inability to relax, you may be able to correct the misconceptions that they are based on - correct your thinking so to speak!

hi

thanks again for all your words

just found out today that my appointment will be even longer than 6 weeks which has put me on a right downer.

was thinking of hyponsis mp3,

also my girlfriend is have problems with sex, she's having sharp pains during sex so this is slowing our sex life right down she is going for a scan a week on monday. possible sounds like an ovaran cyciss.

thanks again

sparky30 wrote:just found out today that my appointment will be even longer than 6 weeks which has put me on a right downer.

Ah damn that sucks. Let's hope that the long waiting time is because the clinic is good at what they do, so there’s a high demand.

Hypnosis has been recommended to me, but I haven't tried it yet. If it helps you relax or helps you to explore the reasons why you may find it difficult to relax, it sounds like a good idea.

Sorry to hear about your girlfriend. Thankfully most ovarian cysts are harmless. I had a large dermoid ovarian cyst that was found during an ultrasound scan. I had it removed, and aside from the scar, there were no lasting effects. I'm glad your girlfriend's getting the reason for her pain checked-out; I hope she feels better soon.

thank you for your kind words it really means alot.
at the minute me and my girlfriend arent really talking about sex
just waiting to get this scan

I hope all is well with your girlfriend.

I'm having the same issues with you with DE. I've sought professional help with a sex therapist but I've not had much luck so far. After 4 sessions with my therapist, I'm taking a break to go through some of the homework assignments I've been given and will be arranging a follow up meeting, maybe in another month's time. I know - with me - the problem is strictly psychological. Like you, I can masturbate and ejaculate easily. But with my partner, I cannot ejaculate while having intercourse. The key with me is arousal. For some reason, deeply psychological, I can't seem to "use" her for sex.

I've read a bit about hypnotherapy and am wondering if this is going to work. I'm seriously considering trying this out. Has anyone here actually tried it out?

If it's any help, this website might be useful for a read http://www.the-penis.com/orgasmejac1.html. What I'm experiencing and a lot of what is suggested by my therapist isn't very from what is written in this website.