Please help! I'm scared as hell because of erectile disfunct

I'm 26,M.
I get quick easy erection watching online porn (not rock hard though).I have watched all sorts of online porn except gay such as: Normal, Anal, Beastiality, Shemale and Scat (in that order)

I had obsession with each of them over a certain period at different stages

Don't get me wrong,I feel ashamed of and regret watching and jerking off to the last three.

I was a virgin (technically still am) until last month when I tried to have sex with hookers (including a shemale) on five different ocassions and the same thing would happen: I just wouldn't get erection to penetrate and each time I jerked off myself with hand to reach climax.

One thing I want to add though.It's that there is a little time limit of 10 min (at least for my affordable budget) with the hookers.

Please don't suggest GF as it's impossible with my bad looks and low self-esteem.

First off- people who are "shemale" are still people. There's nothing shameful or guilt-provoking about their bodies. If you're attracted to that, it's fine. Lots of people are. It's nothing like bestiality which is animal abuse, plain and simple.

Then- a disclaimer. I don't have a penis. All that I write here is theory. And opinion and thoughts based on what I've read. Mostly from other people in this forum.

Second- it's very easy for sexual tastes to warp over time. Have a look around this site for more about that. http://yourbrainonporn.com/can-you-trust-your-johnson This can also be a common cause of ED. Because if you consume a lot of porn. You need ever more novel stimulation in order to keep an erection going. That's why the obsessions change over time. The cure for that is stopping watching ANY porn for a while. Yes, that's dramatic. No, it doesn't have to be forever. No, I'm not a porn-hater. I think it can be great fun in moderation. It's just. The internet doesn't encourage moderation.

Third- how do you masturbate? Are you using the same hand and grip each time? Is that a tight grip, unlubricated? If so, you might be literally squeezing the life out of your cock. Over time it gets used to hard handling. Which means that gentler forms of stimulation [mouth, vagina etc] will not push you to orgasm. Again, the cure is to vary what you're doing. And never ever squeeze. That will make it very hard to cum for a while. But your cock will get used to that too. And if this is an issue for you, your sex life will thank you.

Finally- as I see it. 10 minutes with a sex worker isn't enough to do anything except further damage to your self esteem. That's not a natural amount of time to have sex in. Trying to push yourself to climax with such a short time limit is likely to cause frustration and anxiety. Which are major boner killers in themselves. I'd suggest saving your money for the time being. I bet you'll enjoy yourself much more spending an hour with someone you find attractive [for whatever reason]. And where you can take your time in building up to sex. Rather than more frequent but less satisfying encounters.

If none of this applies. Or if you try and it doesn't work. Then I'd strongly recommend going to a doctor and checking out the physical aspects of this. It might be a very simple nutritional deficiency or some other straightforward issue. It's not something you're condemned to for ever and ever. There are a lot of options to work through first.

Thank you so much for the advice.Everything you said makes sense.

I just want to extend my queries please...

1.I have a very unusual way of masturbation which I developed years before I was introduced to porn.It's not prone masturbation or anything but just that I hold my penis with three fingers of right hand (thumb,index and middle) and shake it like doing the motions you make with them while playing guitar rather than the conventional way (which I eventually found out ONLY after watching lots and lots of porn and didn't even know that my way was wrong).On realising that,I did try to masturbate like everyone does,with decent success but I find my way more pleasurable.On realising how this may hinder my sex life,I tried to adapt,still am trying...but whenever I'm in a rush to masturbate,like if someone will turn up or something,I do it my way (by which I can ejaculate or cum in less than two minutes if I wanted to...I have total control over the ability to cum that way as opposed to the conventional where it's not...I have to keep doing it not knowing when it's going to come out but I don't think I have any problems ejaculating that way either...just takes a little bit longer.Is this potentially a cause of my problem and what do I do about this?

2.Ok,I'll stop watching porn for sometime.But do you recommend I keep trying out with hookers.Trust me,I may be a horrible person but I'm being honest when I say that I approach hookers not because I'm a sex addict but because I want to know for sure that I can have sex like everyone else does.Even a couple of years ago,I always wondered while watching porn whether I can do the movements those guys I see do...at least to an extent.Sure,they seem easy watching but I had this doubt on the back of my mind for some reason and when I eventually tried it out with hookers,my worst fears were confirmed but in a different way,due to inability to stay erect.So,my second question is whether I should save money for a longer session or should I not approach hookers at all.I don't want to (actually I might want to due to attraction and all but I'm not addicted or crazy about it or anything) but I really don't want my first sex with my wife (when I get married in a couple of years) to end up like it is being now.That would be a killer blow to me in every possible way.So,should I LEARN the art of sex by practicing it with hookers.Normal people might not but given my condition,I best do...what do you say?

Should I ever overcome this,you will be the first person I would thank and really be grateful for ever @Ada.

Robveedee wrote:1.I have a very unusual way of masturbation which I developed years before I was introduced to porn.
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Is this potentially a cause of my problem and what do I do about this?

Hopefully someone with a penis will post here. I don't think this seems "wrong". But if it's so intensely stimulating that it will reliably get you off in a very short amount of time. Then yes, perhaps that's part of the issue. To me, it doesn't seem mentally healthy to need to do it that quickly. [Not to mention that future partners won't often appreciate it.] Are you partly getting off on the danger of getting caught?

Even a couple of years ago,I always wondered while watching porn whether I can do the movements those guys I see do...at least to an extent.Sure,they seem easy watching but I had this doubt on the back of my mind for some reason and when I eventually tried it out with hookers,my worst fears were confirmed but in a different way,due to inability to stay erect.

Porn is NOT educational. There is a team of people behind the scenes helping the male actors stay erect. Cutting scenes together to make them look like they're going for much longer than they are. And all sorts of other "movie magic". Don't expect your future partner to look like a porn star. Don't expect her to be aroused the way women in porn act. And don't put crazy pressure on yourself to perform in a way that isn't natural.

So,my second question is whether I should save money for a longer session or should I not approach hookers at all.I don't want to (actually I might want to due to attraction and all but I'm not addicted or crazy about it or anything) but I really don't want my first sex with my wife (when I get married in a couple of years) to end up like it is being now.That would be a killer blow to me in every possible way.So,should I LEARN the art of sex by practicing it with hookers.Normal people might not but given my condition,I best do...what do you say?

I think it will prompt an incredibly difficult conversation with your future wife.
SHE- "I've had # boyfriends in the past. How about you?"
YOU- "I've only ever had sex with sex workers. I just wanted to make sure everything worked before having sex with you."

I get all my best information from Dan Savage. And there was something relevant in today's column.

5 percent of 25-year-old men are virgins.

So this isn't a super rare condition. It isn't something you need to "overcome". And I think the money might be better spent on therapy. Boring though that seems. To deal with the issues that might get in the way of getting a girlfriend. Rather than learning some stud-like behaviour. And never having a girlfriend or wife to practice it on. That isn't to say that future sex workers wouldn't appreciate a client with good technique. And not to say that you can't form a respectful and caring [but non romantic] relationship with them. Just that I'd see that as a side bonus rather than an ultimate aim.

All in all though. Yes, I would suggest not visiting sex workers for a while. And never going unless you are able to afford an amount of time that isn't going to put your manhood under pressure.

And I think the more important thing here might be not "ridding yourself of a troublesome virginity." But perhaps to sort out any issues so that you can consider starting dating. Which lets you explore your sexuality and tastes in a safe, non pressured relationship. This is longer term, yes. But what else is life for.

Hi Rob

Just to let you know I replied in your other thread

Cracked

Rob,

I think the reason you can not get an erection whilst in front of a person (instead of computer) is because of nerves. There was a time when I would start having sex with a woman and after a minute or two, just straight lose my erection. Oddly, with one of my first girlfriends, I could last 45 minutes and still be rock hard.

Well, I didn't really care for that girlfriend and was purely with her for the sex. However, when it came to the women I did care about, I became very nervous and would lose my hard-on. I had even tried Steel Libido pills and what not.

When I asked my doctor, he confirmed it was all in my head as I was too young (20s at the time) to have anything physiologically malfunctioning.

My advice would be to just loosen up a bit and get lost in the moment. Heck, even getting lost in the moment takes practice. You will probably still fail to achieve and maintain an erection the first couple times. But eventually, you'll learn to just enjoy the pleasure.

I'm 56 and have been single the last 4 years. I've had 2 girlfriends in the last 4 years. I've had same experience with prostitutes of can't get hard. It was that way at first with my girlfriends. But after a few days of sleeping together and getting comfortable together everything started working fine. I'm at an age where I can have legitimate fear of loosing my function, but I also know that fear and worry makes any health issue worse, not better, so I tried not to worry, and that I think helped me to allow my body to function the way it should.