by somebody » Sun Nov 11, 2007 11:46 am
I know you are young and your knowledge on life matters is probably limited. I hope to be able to help a little.
First of all, it is not right cheating on him. Although medical books may find you have a disorder (psychology has it's own explaination on life matters, although very powerful, in practical terms doesn't always mean much, e.g. criminals in psychology are anti-socials, but then what? the fact that they are termed anti-socials does not justify anything, they will still be punished under law, pathological gamblers will still have to pay the money they lose in the casinos, smokers are addicted, but half will still have to suffer from emphysyma, lung cancer and cardiovascular disorders etc), the sad truth is that only psychotic disorders really interfere with an individual's capacity to justifiably be guilty to his own actions. Any other disorder is never the real cause behind socially unjust behaviour (that is why no mental disorder can acquite defendants on its own in a trial). So, if you would like to listen that you suffer from a mental disorder that is the reason behind your behaviour, this will not be the case.
You may have a sex disorder (or not) and you can see a psychologist and discuss your problem.
However, for your husband, the fact that you cheat on him will most likely be a highly traumatic event and can cause him quite a lot of psychological problems in the future. Perhaps it is better not to tell him ever.
If you do love your husband, I believe it is better to divorce him and still never tell him of the cheating you did.
However, find another husband and discuss that you want to have a sexually liberate life. If you both agree then that's excellent and you can both be happy.
Alternatively, you can decide that with your new husband, you will be faithfull and never cheat again. Learn how to control your impulses, perhaps by finding alternative ways to satisfy yourself.
Addictions can be hard to be beaten. The best way to break an addiction is probably aversion therapy. I could advice you how to do that with smoking or drinking, but I can't think of anything good that could apply to sex addiction. Maybe a psychologist trained on sexual matters could help you breaking the habit.
You can also lead a life as a single woman.
That said, what you do is perfectly all right on a non-marrital setting, allthough it can carry a lot of social stigma if people find out that you often change sexual partners, you will be seen as a promiscious woman of low morality that can't be trusted and you can end up isolated (so be careful to be discreet). In a marrital setting, it will almost certainly lead to divorce if your husband finds out. Life will get much more complicated if you have children and divorce later. You may suffer economical problems (although this is not a rule) and your children will grow up with no father around and will be the ones that will suffer the most.
Another point to considers is that having many sexual partners has health issues, don't underestimate these. Most sexually transmitted disorders are not important, but some can be deadly.
For example HPV can cause cervical cancer and it easy to contract it, even if your partner and you use protection. Repeated exposure to the virus will increase your risk of developing the disease (good news are that vaccines can protect you, although I am not sure if there are vaccines yet for sexually active women - there are vaccines for virgins). Cervical cancer will cause you constant misery, all day long fear that will cause tremendous anxiety, pain, powerful medication will add to your suffering and then you'll die.
HPV varieties can also cause ugly moles (that will slowly make you uglier).
Be sure to get regular pap test, as cervical cancer starts from pre-cancers that can safely be removed.
That is the best I can think of. Think of the suggestions and see what you want to do.
Disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional or other health professional. I provide my opinion for informational purposes and cannot be held responsible for any decisions readers of my post make. Always consult a trained health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others.