Self esteem –how much you like your self. To like your self you have to do something that is worth liking your self for. People like them selves when they choose to do something hard over easy and used to things. When you pick something hard it means you can choose (not just go with the flow/what ever is easy)
I think you have to pick book that you will like, if you get interested in it then it will help you. Just go to the library (or go to your account) and search self help topics.
Anyways here is part of notes of book that I read (of course it’s better to read book because they explain what it means, and if you don’t understand you can’t use it)
II Change emotional state
a)Sent message –“I care about my self” When I don’t care about tomorrow, or ignore me it’s the same way as someone else do it to me (ignoring, not caring for me) Encourage invest in my selves/do it your self
b) give hope your self, imagine pleasure in the future \
c) You must live up to what you think important otherwise you feel bad.
d) Help someone else.
2) Self esteem
self control(gives choice to choose not only emotion)=Self respect = self esteem(liking ourselves).We get respect when we pick right thing from easy. 3parts to human: 1body-escape life trough sleep, & entertainment 2 ego- attention & control 3soul- to do right thing. Choices of what makes us look good instead of what is good let us feel bad. The more I try control other the less control I have over my life. Test of esteem: 1how person treat self + 2 others.
a) Movement- moving toward fulfillment makes us feel good, alive. Move toward something you like doing.
b) Learned helplessness (gave up) don’t even try. People believe they don’t have effect on world. Remember that your action have results on other people.
c) If there is No self esteem person can’t choose, because he has no self control. So give your self choices and you must pick something (has to) choose. Give yourself freedom of choices and don’t make desicions for someone else (me). We feel good, and respect something if we invest in it (ourselves too)
d) Doing something meaningful gives meaning, serving something beyond ourselves. I must feel good about what I am doing. Abraham Maslow’s table 1 Physiological (food and shelter) 2 Safety (no fear) 3 Belonging-love (others) 4self esteem (self, liking/respect) 5self actualization (pursued goal)
e) express your self, be creative. Everyone wants to be unique and special.
f) When you do something wrong my guilty or justifications thoughts drag me down (do right thing and find way to resolve)
3) Destructive behavior
when person goes on impulses and does what he wants and not needs, he feels bad and does more of what makes him feel better now/instant gratification(“cure”), but makes things worse for future and feel worse as whole.
a)From story of turkey, first you must be like person, understand be friends (show that you enjoy them) then you can change them, (start small, less treating, ONE thing at time, bite size, don’t overwhelm.
b) Any relation ship based on change(other person expectation to change) won’t succeed, and if there is no unconditional love. It must be ok if person don’t change. Only person can change, and if he don’t trust (no unconditional love) person won’t take my advice. Never criticize (criticizations shows person must have it in order for you to accept him), pick person up instead, just reword progress.
c) Paraphrase, be compassionate, show that you see where he is coming from, tell you respect person for his different side, not in spite of it.
4) move. Physical activity makes us feel better, and gives indorphins(feel good chemical) Do your own dirty work.
Business always there, I have to make time. Think of consequences of my behavior (if I don't do it, it is much more painful then to do it). When I lose big form procrastination I may learn. If I crosses line, and don’t meet meet my requirement = my planed consequences happens.