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pretending/ confused

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pretending/ confused

Postby animationhoho » Sun Aug 19, 2007 6:01 am

I'm just going to state my case.

Two years ago I went to a counselor at my school because I was distressed. I had massive memory problems and problems with my friendships. I was depressed and very stressed.

I took those personality disorder tests a few times. Every time I scored high on schizotypal but I didn't take it seriously. But I guess technically I have the traits.

I'm literally scared of straight men. All of my friends are gay guys. I get very bitter about talking with them if they mention people realising their gay. Its breaks my heart, I'm very in love with one of my friends. But I try to atleast move on and look at other guys but it scares me too much.

I do adore hocus pocusy $#%^. I mean I know its $#%^ but I think a big part of me believes it. I take the horoscope to heart on somedays. I feel that a song might be explaining how I feel at a moment, or that it could be the future. I'll deny it if you ask me. I'm pretty good at playing normal. I went to art school because of an obsession of mine. I tell all my friends I go to art school because of Titanic. Its true.

I can't speak properly. I gave up on words. Just ask my friends. I always say " ###$ words they don't mean anything." I tend to say a completely different word that what I mean to say. And I know i speak metaphorically quite often. Even on aim, that is where it is the worst. It is not typos that I do. I will type another sentence or half a sentence in the middle of something I'm trying to say when I didn't mean to. I NEVER CAN STAY ON topic.

I'm an optimistic person however. Most the time I get along fine. It is just tiring not remembering simple things, and feeling like your the biggest wierdo in a sea of wierdos, and I'm tired of never having a boyfriend, a real relationship. I don't think its going to happen.

Lucky for me I'm good at playing it normal. I'm known as a little off but not crazy or anything and I do have friends. I just would like something more one day and to remember anything .

My parents, when I told them that I might have ADD and I want to go see a real psychologist said no. They thought i'd loose insurance when I got older if I got treated. I know what they'll say if its something worse.

Do I sound like I need to see someone? Maybe I'm overreacting?
animationhoho
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