this is a very honest and maturely written thread.
Young man, what you are facing is a dilemma that many people who suffer from MI face. Although I am sad to see that you are suffering from such a young age, sometimes early diagnosis can actually prepare someone for situations that become more influential as we grow – relationships being one of them.
I think you did a very good analysis of your past issues. As you said, when you were in your first important relationship you were not well, you started experiencing more severe symptoms, you were still adjusting to your new medication..that can be a lot and the timing for love was very bad . Even if everything else was perfect, just your young age could have contributed to the unhappy outcome of your important relationship. I did many stupid things when I was young and I don’t have a diagnosed MI.
What I want to say is that you should not feel like a failure or someone of a less value or chances of success just because you’ve had that negative experience. You are young, you are smart, you are working hard on your career, you have taken responsibility for your psychological improvement (as much as realistically possible). You are doing everything in your power to build a successful path for yourself. And, most likely, you will succeed in that.
On the other hand, you are right that your symptoms may and probably will fluctuate from time to time and that, at times, you may emotionally feel much worse than now. You are also right in your observation that you may then put a strain on your relationship. That is the harsh and unavoidable reality of MI. But it should not stop you from searching for “the one” . See, relationships have their peaks and valleys, just like our lives do and sometimes we lose someone who is very important to us. And then we have 2 options: to try to repair what’s broken or to move on and keep on searching for what we believe matters.
I know it is difficult and I know the dilemmas that are filling your mind and emotions, but I am just trying here to encourage you to look at yourself as a man who first and foremost belongs to a group of young people who sail through young adulthood and learn from trial and error, from exposure, pain, loss , or occasional moments of unbelievable happiness and not as someone who is flawed or destined to damage his future partners. When such time comes that you find someone who will be very special for you, and you will know that because you will become crazier than ever, lol
you will intuitively know how to start a conversation about your issues. Or she will do that for you. You will definitely need to help your partner understand you since most people have not even heard of schizoaffective disorder, let alone be able to understand it without help, but if you both have achieved sufficient level of maturity your love will guide you where no prep or advice could.
Dear Chasies, I wish you many interesting and experiential relationship years and at least one woman who will make you feel like what Anthony Hopkins described in "Meet Joe Black":"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. I say, fall head over heels. Find someone you can love like crazy and who will love you the same way back. How do you find him? Well, you forget your head, and you listen to your heart. And I'm not hearing any heart. Cause the truth is, honey, there's no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love, well, you haven't lived a life at all. But you have to try, cause if you haven't tried, you haven't lived."