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The 7 Stages of Grief after the end of a relationship

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Re: The 7 Stages of Grief after the end of a relationship

Postby StartingAnewLife » Wed Dec 14, 2016 4:56 am

I just texted a guy I have been in a attached addictive relationship tonight and told him I need more than a texting relationship. I try to be a thoughtful and caring person. When dating someone I always put my best self out there. When things start going south I wonder why they not putting much into the relationship. Tonight I said goodbye to this person stating we were not a fit and I wanted a significant other in my life which I deserve who can love me as much as the love that I give. I felt a release once I sent this text, but depressed now. I have to pray that Jesus give me his strength not to communicate with this guy again. It was nothing but broken promises that never came to reality. I was the one that encourage him and built him up, but I never felt that from him.
One sided. I read about that sometimes people fail in relationships again and again....because they try so hard to be loved ....and get taken for granted. Childhood issues. I can say I had all kinds of childhood issues within a dysfunctional family. At seven my mother was depressed all the time from her divorce and I took on the role as the mother. Cleaning house, doing laundry, cooking, getting the other kids out the door for school and in the house for dinner. I took on responsibility of family to keep it together. Somewhere in there I lost myself to pleasing others. I still do that stuff today.
I do not like being alone, but it is far better for me to be alone that to put up with a man who
is self centered and has no concern for me. This I am learning. It hurts, but I found strength to stand up for myself tonight. This is such a big step for me. I know I will probably cry myself to sleep but it is ok. Healing takes time. Please pray for me I need it so very much.
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Re: The 7 Stages of Grief after the end of a relationship

Postby aten » Wed Dec 14, 2016 5:25 pm

Ended up here after googling the "list of 7 stages", which I have never heard before, and accidentally came across in a funny facebook post.

Matches my case perfectly. I went though all the stages in 5 months now, lost my sleep, appetite and 30 pounds of weight (kinda happy about the last one). I'm at "depression" stage now, as far as I can tell, although "anger" is still there and probably will never go away.

17-years long relationship, 11 years of marriage. Kinda special case because we only lived married together about 3 years, and then studied in different states so it was long distance connection... She repeatedly cheated me with a new affair about every 2nd year. Typically in the Fall, when she felt depressed and lonely.

I still love her a lot and would forgive everything if she came back, but there is another guy, and she is all over him so was very determined to divorce and kick me out of here life.

Recently I figured that she actually didn't love me already at a time we married. All my life and even our most romantic stories that I was telling all our friends and relatives were based on her lie...

I feel especially lonely because she is in love (or whatever), and doesn't feel any bit of what I feel right now... She caused me so much pain over these years with her betrayal and yet I was always there and supporting here (not only morally).

Whenever she sees me these days in my current state, she always turns a conversation into how every one has something to be happy and thankful about, and she just wants to be happy and wants me to be happy, and how she would suggest we find me a therapist or sign me up with a divorce support group at a local church (I'm categorical non-believer so this comes especially humiliating).

This all is amplified by my social situation, since I just came back from few years abroad, no job and depend on her with a place to stay...
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Re: The 7 Stages of Grief after the end of a relationship

Postby robrobin205 » Sat Apr 01, 2017 2:20 pm

The saddest thing is that we come and go in this world. Sometimes I ask myself about the meaning of life. At the end, there will be nothing.
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Re: The 7 Stages of Grief after the end of a relationship

Postby twentysix1 » Wed Aug 09, 2017 1:31 am

At the end of my last relationship of six years, it happened like this for me -

1. Shock or Disbelief
I couldn't believe that this was actually happening, as he left to go and stay at a friend's place that night and left me alone. He had been thinking about ending things for months and I had no idea.

2. Bargaining
I asked him profusely what the reasons were for the break up and I had something to come back with for everything he said. I was convinced I'd be able to get another chance.

3. Denial
I would tell people that he had just felt like he'd lost himself and we'd be OK again soon.

4. Depression
I fell into a deep depression, still in denial, waiting for him to come back to me.

5. Anger
How could he have done this to me? Six years? An engagement? How dare he throw it away!

6. Guilt
I had obviously done alot to contribute to the break up, which I was in denial about. When I allowed this to come to the surface, the guilt damn near killed me.

7. Acceptance
We did get back together to give it another shot, which only lasted 3 weeks. It wasn't right. He was right, we weren't right for eachother any more. The fact that he gave it this last chance helped me accept that it wasn't going to be the same anymore and really helped me move on.

Now, I honestly, 100% do not want to be with him. We are still friends & talk semi-regularly. I'm seeing someone else, and I'm pretty happy to say the least :)
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