I'm Jealous... But Why?

My exboyfriend has a new girlfriend... and I'm jealous... but I don't know WHY I'm jealous...
I have a new boyfriend, and he's great. He's nothing like my ex. He's better...
But whenever I see my ex on his facebook, holding that new girlfriend... I just feel SO JEALOUS.... and I don't get why!!!

Is it normal or am I psycho?
I haven't been jealous of my other exes getting new girlfriends, except the one I was with for 2 years and wanted to marry. I wasn't with this one for very long. Few months... I didn't want to marry him. I'm just BLINDED WITH JEALOUSY ABOUT THIS...

Thoughts?

cuz u want his hot bod.

Plausible. Lol...
But I have new boyfriend's hot bod...

Smile,
Is this new girlfriend theoretically prettier/better bod/better hair... anything you're thinking the ex found "better" than you had? I only say that cuz I hyper-analyze new gf's of my exes and even if I don't want to be with them again, I just compare the girl to me. Funny, it's a no win comparison... if they're "better" than me, I loathe them for that; if they're "def not as good as I am" I just think my ex lowered his standards...lol, either way it works out in my brain.

Hugs,
Kosh

Could it be a case of the grass is greener?

Cracked

Well... she IS pretty....
I dunno. I think I just wanted him to not date anyone else.
I don't like when people move on... I'm that way. I'd have the whole world after me in a perfect world.
Lol.

It just really bothers me that I care at all.

The fact I dropped so much money on his ass and he never even seemed to miss me and everything I tried to do for him might be a factor.
I hate that feeling that I did so much for nothing.

Crap. Now I'm angry.

Everyone's different, but for me here is how my brain works -

I could be jealous if I was in a position where we broke up, I still had not moved on emotionally, or was still in a place where I still had no deep feelings for someone new. Once I do have feelings for someone new though, I have little or no feelings about an EX. Arguably I'm kind of black and white emotionally in that way, once I'm in, involved with someone, I'm very very involved, so that I'm almost entirely tuned out to other people, as well as EXes.

Okay so no point yet, just exploring where you're at (my telling you how my brain works is just a point of comparison).

SmileXx wrote:...
I dunno. I think I just wanted him to not date anyone else.
I don't like when people move on... I'm that way. I'd have the whole world after me in a perfect world.
Lol.

It just really bothers me that I care at all.
...

So this is a difference between how my mind/heart works and yours, and maybe key? I'm happy with having one person to romantically love, plus some occasional casual reminders that I'm desirable from others.

You've written here that (on some level) you wished everyone desired/wanted you. Just from a very superficial analysis then, one (of 7 billion people) that you had, got away. For a moment let's go with that idea -

Maybe it goes back to a simple thing. For some people their sense of value is bolstered by the quality of a few relationships (perhaps those types are also statistically the more introverted types who tend to prefer a few close relationships over many casual relationships?). For others their sense of value is bolstered by the quantity of relationships, even if that means quality of the individual relationships suffers some times*. What I mean by suffer some is that there can be a time/emotional/conflict-of-interest cost associated with juggling too many relationships, especially when there is conflict between the people one knows, and we are put in a position of needing to play mediator, or outright choose sides.

Anyway, just some thoughts to see if any of this rings some emotional bells.

*One related last comment, an example of how a relationship can suffer in your situation is that you have a new BF. There is a risk that your jealousy over an EX relationship could interfere, even significantly devalue him, causing your current relationship significant harm. I know for me, if the woman I'm with was having significant angst over an EX, I'd take it personally wondering why her heart is on him at all versus on us.

p.s. I should have added that there are two other dynamics I've observed about myself and in others that often come into play in relationships, and that may ring some emotional bells -

First, yes after a break up it is common to feel that it would be a huge ego stroke if the other person sat around and perpetually missed and pinned for us. I mean that would make us so special, so valuable, if another could not get over us

Second, that it seems a common enough fantasy to want to be so desirable, attractive, wealthy, famous, powerful, etc., that we literally need to do nothing but just show up, and have others clamoring to have us. But it's a very lopsided fantasy versus one in which two people mutually want, and build each other up, stand up for each other against/for others. This fantasy is also related to the first above. Again it would greatly stroke our egos to be so desired we don't even need to try to be desired. Losing someone, to someone else, is in conflict with the fantasy.

I haven't told my boyfriend that I'm jealous of my ex's new gf. I don't see a point. I don't even talk to my ex. I just miss him sometimes. He wasn't a great guy, but he was a decent one.

I'm sure it has to do with feeling abandoned or something. All my problems relate to that.
It's nice to have a backup plan if this bf doesn't work out, and that's usually whatever ex I have lying around... sounds bad, I'm sure. I just like having the option.
On that note, I have a guy that I was seeing unofficially that still says he loves me (that word freaks me out) and I would do anything to lose that.
Now you'd think that I could use this guy in place of my ex as a backup plan... but I can't... and I find THAT strange, too.

I dunno. Was just an irritating thought.

Ironically though, by hanging on to a backup plan emotionally, it can keep us from being all in with our current relationship, which the other person will pick up on intuitively (even if they can't put it into words), and that can lead to them withdrawing, and a cycle of abandonment.

No I wouldn't tell him about the EX, but I would ask yourself, if a backup plan is simply fear of abandonment, or on some level, a wish for abandonment?

What I means is - For someone like myself, I definitely am carrying a level of hurt from childhood that on some level I do expect to be abandon, so have (on reflection) participated to some degree in damaging my relationships. That may seem silly, but on some level, being abandoned is safe. There is no sinking any lower, nobody that can hurt me, so on some insane level, it's safe grounds.