A lot of times I take the blame for other people`s problems, especially from people who are unable to take responsibility for their own emotions and their own life.
When I was little, my mother was always blaming me for her emotionally abusive
behavior towards me, and I automatically took the blame I claimed it as my own, because your mother is your life-line and you are dependent on her for everything.
As a child I was unable to understand that something is wrong with her, so automatically you thing it must be me, and you start to think that you are "bad",
that you did something "wrong" to deserve this treatment......You start to be ashamed of yourself, you start to feel that you are not worthy of love, that your mother is right even to leave you.....
So, of course when I grew up, I started to get it, what is mine and what is not mine.....that I am OK, worthy of love....
But still I have a problem with people that are unable to take responsibility for their own emotions and their own life. Almost every time I am their scapegoat, and I do feel all of the emotions I felt when I was child.
I do know how to set boundaries in a normal personal relationship, but with these "type" of people.....
Example: A friend yells at me, I tell her that she is being verbally violent and that she should stop it, she does`t stop, she did not stop, until I ran away from her.....when we had a talk about the incident she said: "I just can not believe that I am that awful...." and than she started to search for reasons why I was to blame and now she does not want to speak to me.
Of course I am aware that every one is responsible for their own actions, and I am not responsible for her actions, but what can I do, that I would stay clear of the "luggage" that is not mine?
I have worked on my "luggage" a lot, so I do know what is not mine
The question is about people, who are unable to take responsibility for their own emotions and their own life, and how they try tu put the "luggage" on others, with this I am refering to mostly people with some borderline personality traits, and how effectively not take the blame in these cases (the more solutions I get from as many people as possible, the better...and in the end the decision I make or a reaction is mine,not necessarily, based on anything written here, but it helps to read about it anyway)
I have my own opinion of course, but I would like to open a debate that would give me a broad spectrum of views, if you know what I mean.