HELP! I'm in love with my psychologist!

I'm a 23 year old girl. My psychologist is a 45 year old man. A married man with like 5 kids. I don't know how or when it happened but I started to feel atracted to him. He is not only my psychologist but he is also the principal at my university. I'm a law student in Mexico. I'm not sure if it's ok for a psychologist to get close to his patient, but he has done that with me. He jokes a lot with me, he opens the door for me, moves the chair so I can sit down. Another thing I've noticed is that when I pay him, he not only grabs the money, he grabs my whole hand as he stares at me and that just intimidates me, I probably blush. He refuses to help me out with my relationships with other guys, I used to ask him to help me out with this guy I had a crush on, but every time I asked him he would change the subject, he never wanted to help me with that problem. And whenever I go drinking and partying, I tell him and he gets mad, he'll start interrogating me about it, asking me who I went with and stuff. And to cancel an appointment he never calls me a day before the appointment, like a normal psychologist would do, he actually makes me show up to the appointment and he'll show up too but only to tell me "I gotta cancel, something has come up", he cancels then and there, why? Why doesn't he just call me? Why does he make me show up to the appointment? And whenever he talks about his family, he'll only mention his kids, or anyone else, except his wife, he never talks to me about her, but he brags alot about his kids and how only he would be able to tolerate his kids and no one else. He's the kind of guy that wears a suit and tie everyday, at first he didn't wear a tie to the therapy sessions with me, he would only wear it to school, until one day I told him "you look better when you wear a tie" ever since then, he wears a tie all the time, even to the sessions. Also one time, during a session, he made a funny face where he raised his eyebrow, he looked really handsome and cute, I laughed, so I told he he looked cute the way he raised his eyebrow and he laughed and said: " something is happening to you" I said "why do you say that?" he said "well, because you never used to notice that until now", I got so embarrassed I just left it at that and I think he noticed cause he didn't say anything else either. Could he have noticed already that I like him? Is that what he tried to tell me when he said something is happening to me? If that is so, then maybe he does care about whether I like him or not, right? Cause if he didn't, wouldn't he just ignore any "strange" behavior of mine and just pretend to not notice anything? I think I would if I were married and loved my husband. Does he like me or am I mistaking signs? What should I do? Please help. Am I crazy or is he the crazy one? What is he doing?

Hey hon,
Thanks for posting!
First of all, I don't know if you're feeling this way at all, but you definetely shouldn't feel guilty about feeling this way about your psychologist. Not a lot of ppl know it, but it's pretty normal to find oneself fantasizing or having a crush on the person who's helping them with issues. When I was in a psyche hospital, I ended up having a crush on one of the staff, and I know a lot of other ppl, too, who've been in similar situations.
But back to this man... He's been acting very inappropriately, and crossing a lot of boundaries. It sounds like he may have a "thing" for you, but no matter what, it is never okay for a psychologist or any kind of doctor to have a relationship w/ a patient. That's strange that he treats u that way, with cancelling on you to your face and everything, and talking a lot about his personal life. If I were you, I'd definetely get a new psychologist; it's just not healthy or ethical the way he's treating you. I know it must be complicated since he's also the principal at your university, but maybe u can get out of it easily by telling him u just don't think u need treatment anymore?
I hope this helps a little...Hang in there, and take care of yourself! Don't let this man get to you...HE'S the one with the problem, not you!
<3
drama_queen

not to be funny or anything, cos this guy might well have a thing for you, but sometimes when we have crushes on people we perceive that they are interested in us, like "oh my gosh- he just looked at me, ergo he likes me" etc. when in actual fact it's just normal behavior. basically we read into general gestures etc and think they're more than they are.

i don't think cancelling on you at the last minute is on! jeez- he needs a slap and i'd have said something about that LONG ago.

but if you are uncomfortable with it all, then you should do as drama queen says- and find a new one.

hope you come right hun!

I don't think it really matters if you're reading the signals right or wrong (unless it involved obvious over-the-line behavior and he needed to be brought to justice). What matters here is that you are saying that you get embarrased about and are frustrated with your therapist's actions and words. Don't worry about being "right"... worry about how YOU feel. It's important that you trust your therapist and feel your treatment is proceeding the way you hoped. It appears that you don't feel that way about your current situation, so you SHOULD seek other counsel. It's completely your prerogative, impropriety or no. You can give him any reason or none at all for leaving... that's also completely your right. You aren't beholden to him no matter what.

yeah Chicadee's definetely right.... U don't owe him any explanation, I shouldn't have made it sound that was in my reply.
good luck, hon!

I don't know if he has any feelings for you....but his behavior certainly is odd to say the least and seems unprofessional. My advice would be to seek out a new counselor.

And lets say, just for arguments sake that he did have some romantic feelings for you. Your tag line reads that you are falling in love w/ your therapist. Consider this. The man is married and has children ...five to be exact...at home w/ his wife. Just some caution here for you as I'm not sure exactly what you may be hoping for or considering. But be careful. If the guy is truly checking you out or having feelings for you. Do some serious thinking. He's married. He has 5 children at home and yet he's contemplating a relationship w/ one of his younger patients? Why? What is wrong w/ his marraige that he would consider looking elsewhere? And if there ARE problems in his marraige...why not work on those? Afterall....he himself is a counselor...why not himself look to be in counseling (yes...realizing he could very well be)....but if his marraige is not working...he should be getting out of it and THEN start dating! Not looking to cheat on his wife first. Ok. I'm starting to make assumptions here and I'll back off as I don't have a full story. But again. I caution you here. Consider not only that the man is married....but again....if he is truly having feelings for you...consider how this came about ....his actions....his current situation. Consider a lot of things and that down the road he could turn around and do the same to you.

But getting back to the overall point....I do feel his actions are unprofessional. At your appointments....those should be focused on you....not him. He's not there to talk about himself and his family! You do not need to be concerned with his wife and children and his life!! You are there to talk w/ him in a professional setting and work on the issues that brought you to his door. Don't get caught up in his good looks and charm to the point you loose site of your counseling goals. I mean....don't get me wrong....I agree w/ the others....thinking he's cute or hot or something!....that's normal....your human!! .....but don't let it get in the way of why you are there. If you feel like it IS getting in the way....you need to find a new counselor. If you feel that his canceling appointments so often is making it hard to ever get to counseling....again...well....I think you have many valid reasons here to consider switching to someone new.

Since he is also your school's principal....I would just consider putting some distance there. Keep track of his behavior incase you ever feel he goes far enough that his actions need to be reported. His actions towards you may also be how he acts towards other girls as well. He may very well be acting inappropriatly towards other young girls and you are not the only one he treats this way? Just use caution for now is all. Put some distance there and find a new counselor and see how things go.

Reading your post I can't help but wonder if your therapist is an ASPD psychopath/sociopath as I was reading my book on them tonight called Without Conscience I came across this section which applies greatly to your situation...

Targeting the Vulnerable

The idea that a psychopath could actually hang up a shingle as a lawyer or an investment counselor is not very comforting. But even more unsettling are the coldly calculated violations of power and trust committed by a small number of professionals--doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, teachers, counselors, child care workers--whose very job it is to help the vulnerable. In The Mask of Sanity, for example, Hervey Cleckley vividly described a psychopathic physician and psychiatrist. He noted that the real difference between them and the psychopaths who end up in jail or in psychiatric hospitals is that they simply manage to keep up a better and more consistent appearance of normality. However, their cloak of respectability is thin and uncomfortable and easily shed, often to the dismay of their unfortunate patients. Most common are the therapists who callously use their positions to take sexual advantage of their patients, leaving them feeling bewildered and betrayed. And if the victims complain, they may be traumatized further by a system primed to believe the therapist. "My patient is clearly disturbed, hungry for affection, and prone to fantasy."

The most frightening use of trust to satisfy one's own needs involves the most vulnerable members of society. The number of children who are sexually abused by parents, other relatives, child-care workers, clergymen, and teachers is truly staggering. The most terrifying of the abusers are psychopaths, who think nothing of inflicting devastating physical and emotional damage on the children in their care. Unlike other abusers, many of whom were themselves abused as children, are psychologically disturbed, and often experience anguish about what they are doing, psychopathic abusers are unmoved--"I just take what's available," said one of our subjects, convicted of sexually assaulting his girlfriend's eight year old daughter. Severaly months ago I received a call from a psychiatrist in a western state. She commented that more than a few private agencies contracted by the state to treat disturbed and delinquent adolescents had been charged with abusing the clients in their care. Her experience with these agencies led her to suspect that many of the offending personnel were psychopaths who willingly used their positions of power and trust to sexually mistreat their patients. She proposed that the Psychopathy Checklist be used to screen the personnel of private agencies that bid for custodial and treatment contracts.

Thank you all for your advice. Since I've told my psychologist how much it bothered me that he made me show up for nothing, he hasn't done it again, he hasn't cancelled a single appointment on me again since that day. But he has also changed a bit towards me, ever since I told him I'm in love with a guy friend, he hasn't opened the door for me anymore or stuff like that, he doesn't even wear a tie anymore. But I don't know if it has anything to do with that. He doesn't behave like a "gentleman" anymore. However, I don't care as much as I used to, I guess I've gotten over my crush on him, I still think he is handsome, but that's all.
By the way, if anyone can help me: he is using EMDR on me, I don't know if anyone on here is familiar with it. If you know it, I'd like to know, how efective is it? How does it work exactly? Any information will be helpful.
Thanx in advance.