It gets harder and harder to deny

Now, I got a 'message' for this forum:
I have something to say. My alter, A., doesn't believe I have DID. Can somebody help with that.
Also, when I approach he seems to be very timid. Can you help with that?
~ Child of the desert, translated by Ni

Then I started a 'conversation' with that 'Ni'.
A: Ni, have I spoken to you before?
N: Yes, briefly.
A: So, you do speak English?
N: Yes, of course.
A: How old are you?
N: (...)
N: Are you questioning me too?
A: Switch to our native language?
N: prefer English.
N: Can you post that?
A: Maybe.
N: Do I need to force you?
A: Please, no.
N: Then, just post it.
N: Do't edit me! (I was changing spelling)
A: Sorry
A: Switch to Computer?
N: I would prefer that.

I had written that out, because it seems to be the only way to 'communicate'.
It's not like it is written in a different handwriting, or that I don't have control over it. It's just that I write the words down that come to my mind. And, apparently, it's possible to have a chat that way. But writing is much slower than thinking, so that's way I shorten things sometimes.

Note: I had a chat the same way with 'Child of the desert', in my mother tongue. I used 'pointer' (English) and she didn't seem to understand. She 'said' she was 13, so that makes sense (for me).

(I apologize for the length of this post. Here's the short version.
No, you aren't in denial but someone in your system is. It's ok both ways.
Best way to get input from another alter is to respect their right not to share and to be accepting, not judgemental, of what they do share.)

And now the long version with the warning that I tend to be verbose. Like the blond hair and blue eyes of our physical form, its just part of me.

I believe denial is a fairly common attribute for people with this disorder. That's probably why it is listed as a "Rare" one. Hard to diagnose because keeping secrets and the need to be functional are the reason our personalities fractured in the first place.

Our Su (teenager, severe depression, dominant personality/host for most of our physical years, grade school through college) hates the idea that we might be "crazy" and thrives on the denial that there isn't anything wrong with us. Kind of a paradox because she is very accepting of the rest of us (other alters) and has shown relief that she no longer has to be the one out front but still doesn't want to believe that we are mentally different from the rest of the world. I think she would be thrilled to find out the other people in the outside world are all split too, they just aren't talking about it. De - nial, not just a river in Egypt. Su has a freaking houseboat on it and rents it out for guided tours. (That would be Lisa chiming in.)

That being said, our system/co-consciousness is set up to show acceptance and appreciation of everyone's contributions and beliefs. Not always easy as it takes some juggling to accomodate someone who doesn't want to be "crazy" and those who know we aren't like most of the outside world. Guess it comes down to the definitions you use as a group. "Crazy" for us is merely an inside joke when used in reference to the system or its individual inhabitants. We are what we are. If that is "Crazy" for the outsiders / outlanders / physical people not part of our system, so be it. As long as we aren't hurting anyone else, other alters included, then we can be as "crazy" as we want to be.

Believing or not believing labels that could be attached to your system by beings on the outside is part of what makes that alter who/what they are. My physical Mother doesn't believe in the herbalist path we follow because she was trained in Western medicine and has never felt the need to explore it's roots or any of the alternative medicinal schools of thought. That doesn't mean they don't exist or that we don't derive benefits from a plant based medicinal therapy. Just means she is comfortable with what she knows. It may be your alter's job for now to hold tight to the denial of your system's reality.

If your goal is functionality, as long as that alter can contribute or at least not hinder the functioning of the unit then believing or not believing should only effect their individual comfort level. Its only a problem when it gets in the way of the continued survival of the group as a whole.

Please keep in mind this is only my opinion, how our system works. I'm not a therapist. And though I/We've been multiple since the age of 5 or 6 (41 physical years), we only became aware of each other about 14 years ago. (That's when the awareness started. Last one to make themselves known was about 4 or 5 years ago.) I consider our group to be very cooperative and high functioning. We each try to work to the advantage of the group while still maintaining our individuality. I think the galvanizing component is our agreement to put the good of the group before individual needs and individual needs before acquiessing to the conventions of the outside world. Not that its Us against Them but that in order to participate with Them we have to take care of Us first.

Co-consciousness is not easy, especially not in the beginning. We call it Life by Committee. Sometimes its hard to get everyone to agree on what to have for dinner let alone picking a direction for the rest of our life. But it gets more comfortable with practice. There have to be compromises and sometimes letting someone believe what everyone else in the system knows is not real is the compromise necessary to get that alter's co-operation with the rest of the group. I believe its ok for us to be different. Su believes its not ok for us to be different. Hard to find a compromise there except agreeing to disagree. I love her dramatic talent, she loves my organizational skills. We can overlook what appears to be a major impasse because of mutual respect.

"People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost."
-- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Its as true for comfortable existence of your internal world as it is for the continued civilized existence of the outside world. Mutal respect doesn't happen just because someone in charge says it has to. Group dynamics don't work like that. Whether we like it or not, this is what we have to work with. Its a small car and there are lots of people squished into it. Too many people trying to drive at the same time has unpleasant results. One person driving the whole group someplace no one else wants to go also has unpleasant results. Even what I call the "Spock" mindset (The needs of the many out weigh the needs of the few or the one. Thank you Star Trek) can cause problems if you've got a passive-agressive martyr type in the group. But, a group of people who have found a way to like, or at the least, accept the contributions of the individuals within that group and who feel that their individual needs are being considered. has a better chance of reaching its goals than a group of individuals with no appreciation/consideration for the group and its other members.

Again, just our opinion and the basics of how our system has succeeded in a comfortable existence for the past decade.

I really apologize for the length of the post. I realize you don't necessarily have the time or inclination to listen to me ramble on so.
I appreciate your consideration of my opinions. Thanks for letting us share.
mostly Steph and Ivy

That message actually came from inside. That 'alter' is me (I would not normally call myself that). I am probably what is called the 'host'.

I can't really reply because that question wasn't mine. But ...

Well, I want to write this down. He seems to be happy to deny. But I can't get this going. I for one don't want to be in denial. I just want to live. And not be bothered by insiders denying all this. Just my thought and you may be thinking different but that's your choice. Please answer it to me. I am here to help you, not to hurt you. Can you please listen?
That's a message I 'channeled' through.
I'm not an insider!
Well no, but anyway.

I don't really know what the point of this whole thread was. Maybe to prove it to me. I want to wait till my official diagnosis before accepting anything. Why am I posting this in the first place? I guess because ... it is hard to explain why while I'm in denial. Or something. Whatever.

Anyway, I translated the most important parts of your reply so Child of the desert can understand (she doesn't understand English). Yeah, I'm twisted somehow. It's just that last missing piece... that official diagnosis. I think.

I understand. Its hard to explain but once you have the official diagnosis then you have proof that what you are thinking and feeling is real and you can begin figuring out how to make things work together.

Lots of steps to the top of the mountain and you have to take them all.
Its a great deal of work but I think the view will be worth it.

Ivy

I think I now understand who was it. I think it was San (18) who wants it all to be known (at least she said she had done it).

Just to finish this thread.