What is so appealing about a narcissist

with BPD? I'm not in the medical field nor I have I seen the records, psychiatric and otherwise of the person I'm guessing has npd/bpd, something like that. Input would be appreciated.


I have worked with the company I'm at for 2 years now and have seen and briefly worked with a girl that I thought was a bit irritating. These past 2 weeks, I have been working along side her everyday and have really gotten to see her in action and have seen frequent displays of compulsive lying and narcissism(are they related btw?). Just about everything that comes out of her mouth is a statement about herself-- her experiences(true or not), what she feels, what she thinks, what she knows(or believes she knows). She also likes to give orders and speak to people in a condescending, but high pitched and juvenile way.
What I dont get is that I have this other coworker thats pretty normal and he and my boss put her on a weird sexual, but infantile pedestal. It's really very weird and I'd actually like to get some of their interactions on camera--truly a sight to see. Mind you, my otherwise seemingly normal coworker doesn't act that strange way around any other women--even women he states he is is attracted to.

Examples of her lying and narcissism:

1. She claims that her husband owns a company and she is comfortable and that she is so comfortable that she gives all her earnings to her mother.
2. One day, she told me I looked wonderful, 15 minutes later, she said I looked awful---I didn't ask either time.;
3. She claims that her sister is a doctor and owes hundreds of thousands of dollars, from a loan her sister supposedly got from a bank for school. When I asked which college her sister attained her MD at, she said at a local community college
4. This really weird example that just happened today--I was talking to this other lady that I work with, we were talking about recent travels, she said how she even had to pay $300 for an infant to travel to the Philippines. The narcissistic coworker butted in and said "Oh, I've traveled further and I didnt have to pay anything. I just kept the baby in my lap". Both me and the coworker I was talking to before she inserted her lies looked at each other like WTF. She interrupts and lies constantly, everyday. I mean we all tell white lies everyday, but not like these


IMO, physically, she is also nothing spectacular. 1-10 aesthetics, IMO, maybe a 6. She's also under 5 ft tall--that could be a turn on to some.

What I'd like to know is how some can find such narcissism appealing. Whenever my otherwise normal male coworker is around her, he acts strange--hard to put into words. Just as whenever my boss is around her, it's REALLY strange, like a dirty stepfather with a just came of age girl kind of thing.

WTF?

Speaking of "a few traits does not a narcissist make..."



myPFusername,

I'm going to address this as politely as possible. Considering I haven't had much sleep, I might not achieve this goal.

It's not your job to diagnose your co-workers.

It is your job to do your job.


Is there a specific problem that you are having due to the actions of your co-workers, other than the fact that their actions don't fit your moral standards?

Is there something that they have that you want?

All I'm hearing in your post are statements about them. I truly fail to see how any of this directly affects your ability to perform your daily tasks.

The answer to your question is very simple: different people have different tastes.

--Frayed

I do my job, and actually, I probably could file a complaint about the objectification.
I'll try to be as polite as I can. My guess would be that you don't have a job and don't have to be interact with others on a regular basis.
I truly am curious about the sexually dysfunctional relations between them, but also, fyi, the sexualizing and objectification of one female on the job is actually also the sexualizing and objectification of all the other females in the environment. It is strange and uncomfortable to be near--I try not to stay away as much as I can.

our appeal is "magical." we are the offspring of angels; the Nephilim.

myPFusername,

The point is that it is not your business. If you wish to file a complaint, it would have to be due to the fact that you are uncomfortable. Curiosity is not a reason to videotape someone, either. In both cases, you're asking for trouble. If you get involved in their interactions, it might backfire.

Did you actually mean to say that you try NOT to stay away as much as you can? Or was that a typo?

I've worked in several industries, ranging from residential construction to simultaneous interpretation for high-profile clients. Right now, I help run a mental health website with over 25,000 members. Believe me, sweetheart--I've seen the spectrum of human interactions. You don't have to take my word for it, though--and you probably won't. Your insult is duly noted, though.

Have a great day!

--Frayed

And this is why I like this site. Very refreshing.

What I'd like to know is how some can find such narcissism appealing.

I don't see narcissism in what you've written about her. She seems to exaggerate and lie but that doesn't constitute narcissism.

I think you might want to become more informed about narcissism before you tag that term on your annoying coworker.

We try to be careful about throwing that term around loosely on this forum.

just admit it that you have a strange attraction to her and be done with it. Then, maybe you could grow up and focus on you're job.

pfusername,

i just do want to add that i sympathise with your trouble - i have been in similar situations and it can be annoying and interfer with your work if attention seekers sexualize the whole work place. There will always be troublemakers and people who are annoying in different ways.

but it is really unclear what you want to do about this and how learning about people with personality disorders will help you with it. if it is innocent enough, stay away - you are asking for trouble if you get involved. if certain lines are crossed, file a complaint or ask for rules to be made explicit - no offensive language in the coffee kitchen, no jokes about certain things. It is absolutely unprofessional and unacceptable to spread rumours about someone's supposed mental disorders, if that's what you intended to do.

Please don't be offended, but what your message seems to say between the lines is that it pisses you off personally that she receives more male attention than you and your friends - the way you rate her is very competitive. The large majority of men are attracted to any woman that projects the message "i am hot, i am fun, and maybe you can have me" if she is not butt ugly. Why does it surprise or bother you? Of course interacting with her and making jokes with innuendo has a different appeal to them than it has to you. And why do you go around and ask guys at your workplace which female colleague they find attractive anyway?

For everyone, It is difficult to keep work life and romantic life apart - they say that 60% of relationships start at work. in your case, it seems that you are yourself fostering the sexualization of your work place - in a more subtle/classy way. This is speculation, but do you maybe feel more that she invaded your territories than that she interferes with your work? Be honest with yourself. If there is an element of female competition, you have to get on top of that first before you take professional action and complain. otherwise, people will put you down as unprofessional cat fighter and won't take you serious anymore (and rightly so). If, on the other hand, the trouble is really of a professional nature, you should work on identifying the exact offenses and write them down with time and date. the more factual you are in your complaint the more likely it will be heard.

IMO she doesn't seem personality disordered, just a bit of a bitch.

myPFusername wrote:

What I'd like to know is how some can find such narcissism appealing. Whenever my otherwise normal male coworker is around her, he acts strange--hard to put into words. Just as whenever my boss is around her, it's REALLY strange, like a dirty stepfather with a just came of age girl kind of thing.

WTF?

Well let's be honest, if she is a narcissist it won't be her narcissism that's appealing but her physical features.