To Codependents Helping in the BPer Forum.

Thanks Pounce.

With a brother with Aspbergers, a Mom who is a sociopath and a father that is a hermit… WELL I don’t have the strongest social skills. Ironically I am terribly socially observant. If Dr. House was a Psychologist… I would be that guy.
You person I don’t know but have read 5 pages of, you sir are sabotaging your recovery! And you young man, You’re not an aspie! ((That wasn’t really true, he was but I wanted him to stop being a drama queen and use his big ol brain.)) As My roommate says, when I utter the words, “Let me tell you what your problem is…” She wants to run for the hills because it’s about to get ugly. 95% of the time I’m right too… I’m just painfully direct about it. The worst part is I have a smile on my face when I do it, I’m happy I figured out what their problem is. LOL.

Oh This is a classic. “You know honey I think it’s just wonderful that you can be friends with him considering all the $#%^ he says about you behind your back! Did you know he said…” Yup didn’t occur to me at the time that I not only humiliated my friend (because I stated all of this stuff in front of everyone, but I really hurt her feelings. My entire focus was simply letting her know what a rotten guy this person was.
More often than not after I tell someone what their problem is I can’t figure out why they are mad. So I’m like, Dude No big deal if I’m wrong… But I’m not wrong, I’m totally right and their pissed. Ugh. OF course I had to tell them, that’s like knowing your friend has toilet paper stuck to their heel and not saying anything.

Anyway… It’s something I try to curb… but when people come online and ask for advice it’s really hard for me not to just tell them what their problem is. But I’m learning. I am staying away from the relationship posts… the last thing most of these people want to hear about is THEIR problem, they want to talk about their Xs problem. Denial… not just a river in Egypt.

Oh so MY Problem… If you care to hear about it.
My mother is a evil Sociopath, she tortured me threw out my childhood and is also Munchausen By Proxy (Munchie BP). Recently while visiting for Christmas, (I visit because I love my Dad DEARLY and he lives with my mom.)) The evil Witch got my dog to fall into an ice covered pond.
I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced a Sociopath before, but they are manipulative charismatic and … well very confusing to deal with. It seems more than half the time I am not sure I believe that she intentionally tortured me… of course when I look at it logically, either she intentionally tortured me or she is retarded… and she is NOT retarded. These “Mistakes” and the “Bad” home remedies. COME ON she knew you don’t put a smashed thumb into hot water.
So anyway, she is dangerous, frightening, very active, and untrustworthy. And it makes me feel like I am going crazy because no one else sees it… AAAAHHHH.
This last weekend actually I was Skiing with my Dad… So I had dinner with Him and my Mom. I told her what her problem was. I told her exactly how and why she was a sociopath… without mentioning any details of the evil things she has done.

She agreed.
She PROUDLY AGREED on everything I said. My Dad resisted… told me I was full of it. He didn’t see it. But she did. She knows what she is.
And she mentioned something… She mentioned how she couldn’t hurt my Dad… not even when he left her back when I was a kid. I believe her, I don’t think she can hurt my Dad. She just can’t live without him.
Meanwhile I am left wondering if she poisoned my brother the day before he was supposed to leave his visit with them. I wonder if she poisoned me last time we saw each other. I mean… Jesus do you have any idea how difficult it is to find a Delayed poison that effects the kidneys. But every time I visit my Kidneys are KILLING me for a week later… that and my dad just had a stone.
What if she is doing something. How though… I’m so careful. Or am I being paranoid now…

The more I think about it the more confused I get... and then the nightmares come. Sucks.

Hi CR23 -

I'm relatively new to this forum and relatively new to learning about codependency. And, obviously, I can only speak for myself. But what drew me to this site was not only the supportive community of people who have gone through the incredibly painful and severely damaging experience of loving someone with BPD, but also the very useful information here. Though not my only source for educating myself on BPD and codependency, this site is a valuable one because the stories here aren't abstract and one can find many shades of both illnesses.

To a degree, everyone has codependent traits just as everyone has - or can have - traits of BPD. And I'm grateful for the help other codependents as well as BPDs are willing to offer.

I understand that codependency is a learned behavior, which means it can be unlearned. This seems like a safe environment to learn and unlearn in.

THis is why I am actually really motivated to try to get the powers that be to give the Codependents a section of their own.

I don't understand. I'm saying what's especially useful is having both perspectives in one place. You are free to ignore threads that don't interest you, but why work to box out a topic you're uninterested in?

Hi bklyngreen,

I cant speak for CR23 for sure, but I'm thinkin you might have taken her response the wrong way. I'm guessing, she's saying that she's agreeing with what you said ;

"I understand that codependency is a learned behavior, which means it can be unlearned. This seems like a safe environment to learn and unlearn in."

and because that's true, she's likely sayin that codependents deserve and should have a section in Psychforums.com, that is specifically dealing with the issue of codependency, just as there are sections for addressing BPD, NPD, OCD etc... But everybody's is free to read and comment on any of these, so it wouldnt really be for purposes of excluding anybody. At least thats what I'm thinkin she meant.( I mean, I'm a "non", with some codependant traits, and she puts up with me ). My 2 cents, for what its worth, is there's something of value to be learned from the honest feelings of both sides of the house on most all things.

I agree with you bklyngreen, exploring all perspectives, or, both sides, of an issue is important if you really hope to come to an understanding of the reality of it. Thats why I like this site. It's like that old saying... "Theres usually 2 sides to every story, and then somewhere in the middle , is the truth"

Have a nice weekend everybody.

Pounce and BK, your confusion over Carmen's intentions is understandable. Things are not what they appear. Three clarifications therefore seem in order. First off, Carmen is not a BPD despite her frequent use of "we this" and "we that" when addressing BPDs. By "we" she means "we PDs," not "we BPDs." She has not hidden this. She has repeatedly said she is not BPD:

CarmenRose23 wrote:But by the time i was 27 I was no longer BP... [1/21 BPD]

CarmenRose23 wrote:I’m not even a BPer anymore but I am SO ANGRY about how this whole little forum is dedicated to the BPers X-lovers I just want to scream….[1/20 BPD]

Second, although Carmen says she is a Non-BPD, she does not say she is a Non like you two guys. On the contrary, she has posted in nearly every forum on this website, describing all the PDs she suffers from.

CarmenRose23 wrote:I have Psychotic Depression… So when I get really bad I have a lot of psychotic features, but once the episode passes… I’m ok. Maybe it’s my schitzotypal tendencies....[1/28 PTSD forum]

CarmenRose23 wrote:I Am a Munch By Prox survivor!!! [1/13 Munchausen forum]

CarmenRose23 wrote:My PTSD has kicked into high gear since Christmas[1/13 PTSD forum]

CarmenRose23 wrote:I have noticed that my Hypochondria tends to be a big distraction from something else that is actually bothering me.1/13 Hypochondriasis forum

CarmenRose23 wrote:My Big Brother is an Aspie, so is my roommate.[1/13 Aspergers forum]

CarmenRose23 wrote:Yup everything you described are common symptoms of Dyslexia. I have the same thing...[1/13 Dyslexia forum]

CarmenRose23 wrote:Agrophobia? ... I'm currious because I kind of had a brush with that myself... Only once though. It was in college, I just couldn't leave my home for almost a month... [1/21 Hope forum]

CarmenRose23 wrote:I felt SO guilty about being attention grabbing but in reality I was too ashamed to even tell anyone....[1/15 Living with Mental Illness]

Third, although she concedes she is not a BPD, her very first post in the BPD forum (1/15) told us Nons (i.e., us non-PDs) that we don't belong in the BPD forum. Incredibly, she started writing this as a brand new member -- just three days after joining PsychForums.

CarmenRose23 wrote:... this board isn’t so much about helping Nons, it’s about helping us crazies....(1/15 BPD)

CarmenRose23 wrote:Anyone Notice how many threads are about some BDers X-lover crying rivers over their problems with their BDer and then the other Norms coming together and having a piss party about what they "know" about us? This thread is dedicated to the annoying, weak, meager, disgusting, self serving, sycophants that we used when we were/are ill and why we left them behind.(1/20 BPD)

CarmenRose23 wrote:But Seriously… X’s gather around and… SHUT THE F&CK UP! [1/20 BPD]

CarmenRose23 wrote:But Yes I do find the constant BPer-X threads really disturbing... I don't think they are particularly helpful for anyone.[1/20 BPD]

CarmenRose23 wrote:This isn’t a safe place for a BPer to talk about their problems or emotions… not with Judgmental, HURT ass, Non’s around. Seriously, we got to get the Nons and the X-lovers into their own Dang room.[1/20 BPD]

CarmenRose23 wrote:The HARDEST part of being Borderline is that Healthy men who care good for you will Rarely go out with a Borderline... SO who ARE these guys?[1/20 BPD]

CarmenRose23 wrote:I am sick and tired of people coming in here as NONs and telling others what BPers feel... If you want support for being a BP - X you should have your own room.[1/20 BPD]

CarmenRose23 wrote:ALL the BPers seemed to be getting the cold shoulder from the Nons who are posting in... the BPer tab.[1/20 BPD]

CarmenRose23 wrote:Are you sure there isn't something other then my little "I hate Nons Spree."[1/20 BPD]

CarmenRose23 wrote:I’m sorry ... that you got hurt, but did you even stop ONCE to think… OH there are people here who are trying to deal with a SERIOUS F*CKING DISEASE MAYBE MY “”ISSUES”” with my x-girlfriend aren’t THAT IMPORTANT!![1/20 BPD]

CarmenRose23 wrote:But also I think some Nons come here for revenge, I think some come here to hurt people, as a extension of the abuse he is already inflicting in his household.[1/21 BPD]

CarmenRose23 wrote:I just think there has to be some seperation from the BPers our Victims... and the people who make us into victims.[1/21 BPD]

CarmenRose23 wrote:Well actually I completly expected Nons to be offended when they read this.[1/21 BPD]

CarmenRose23 wrote:What I LOVE about this board is I can express my self sometimes Quiet angrily and I wont get tossed... That might piss some people off but I need it.[1/22 BPD]

The strongest feature of this forum is the wonderful support that BPDs and Nons give to each other and to Newbies. Sadly, about a third of the postings over the past six weeks have been by Non-BPDs who come wandering in here from other forums and attacking BPDs (as occurred a month ago with Avalex) or attacking Nons (as is occurring now with Carmen).

There is always some mix that swings this way and that.
I don't want to see another post like the previous with many postings by
a member being posted like that. It is a public forum and I do not think it is a good thing for anyone.