What Made You The Way You Are Today?

There is a big part of me that believes I was born the way I am, but there's another part of me that wonders if I was made this way by my environment. I suspect both.

I was raised in an abusive environment by an alcoholic mother (I didn't have a father for long because he was institutionalized while I was still very young and ended up killing himself). While there was abuse at times, nothing ever happened that I would consider traumatic. I wasn't an emotional child, so not much ever really bothered me. I witnessed a lot more abuse (against my mother) than I experienced personally.

I was having violent thoughts as a young child, which later developed into fantasies and urges to kill during adolescence. It frustrates me being this way (only because I always want to act on my urges), yet at the same time, I thrive on it.

I don't think the abuse I witnessed and experienced affected me enough to have caused this, but I'm not denying that it may have contributed to it in some way. I suspect the aggression I often feel has more of a genetic basis than anything else because I don't have any feelings of anger or hatred towards anyone, not even those I desire to kill.

Here is an interesting article about a study that was done on genetics and violence: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/science-news/11192643/Violence-genes-may-be-responsible-for-one-in-10-serious-crimes.html

It's not just homicidal ideation I want to discuss here, but also mental health in general.

- Was there anything that happened in your childhood that may have contributed to the way you are today? If yes, what was it?

- To those of you with mental health issues, why do you think you are the way you are?

- Do, or did, either of your parents have mental health issues?

- If you have a strong desire to commit violence on a regular (or fairly regular) basis, do you think you have the violence gene (mentioned in the article I linked above)?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYUEjtCV1Gc

10 hours later, voila.

anyways. the way i am today is not even the way i was yesterday...or 5mins ago. you're giving your family an awful lot of credit. take some for yourself buddy.

Established in 1880!

I think that I was partly born the way I am.

Because from the very earliest memory, like maybe 3 or 4 I can remember doing the things still do and enjoying and also taking pleasure out of them. I don't know why, none of my parents were this way, they were kind and good to me, but I take pleasure out of it and I would also guess an urge of some sort to do those things and an addiction to experience that certain pleasure again. It is not like the other pleasures I get from building and toying with computers and other things I enjoy.

But also, to an extent I was sort of influenced by others around my age as a I was growing up from copying them . (from toddler, to now, at a lesser extent) I think this is no different from any other child as we are all curious at those ages. But From an early age I basically learned to copy others. I was curious and also had some sort of push to do it, even though there were not genuine feelings behind the copies.

I know it sounds silly but when I was very very young It was like humans were an alien, unknown species to me, alien as in different (not roleplay or pretend, nor did I think it came from plain curiosity, I really felt it and still do) and I was curious of them, for my own pleasure, curiosity, and some push telling me to learn and take on their ways I copied them.

So, partly myself and partly others.

I remember getting involved in things way before everyone else my age.

many of my first friends were much older.

I saw many strange things when I was younger( still see some things) , I guess all children to with their imaginations.

But I saw things from a boy of 18 that used to visit me as a toddler, and my mum never seeing him despite being in the next room with a glass partition on the door to little people coming out of the electrical sockets in the kitchen

Through those, I guess I was exposed to a fair bit at an early age too. :p

This conversation sure feels like Déjà-Vu!

the little people coming out of electrical sockets!

I saw you talking about them somewhere before...

maybe it was your imagination predicting that electronics would supply you with friends later on in life?

Dark Soul wrote:- Was there anything that happened in your childhood that may have contributed to the way you are today? If yes, what was it?

Iost my dad at around 9 or 10 so that probably caused or atleast was the catalyst for my mood disorder.

Dark Soul wrote:- To those of you with mental health issues, why do you think you are the way you are?

For the PD parts and substance abuse, probably genetics. For the mood disorder, probably environment.

Dark Soul wrote:- Do, or did, either of your parents have mental health issues?

I'm adopted so I don't know my bio family. I would assume so though.

Dark Soul wrote:- If you have a strong desire to commit violence on a regular (or fairly regular) basis, do you think you have the violence gene (mentioned in the article I linked above)?

It might be possible, but I wouldn't be certain. I more than likely have something wrong with my genes though, as I have always been violent starting with animals and bullying before working its way up to violence against humans.

Yes I have.... I think it was when ashc was here? I remember telling her the same thing I think....

Now that would be a cool explanation for seeing the little people! maybe it is true... there is only so much, or so little we know about the brain.