What is love to you?

seeminglyplain wrote:Yeah, so like I said, you don't trust yourself to be able to respond if you haven't predicted what they are going to do.

It's impossible to always know what someone is going to do.

You might think you know someone, but you may not know them at all.

Is there anyone in your life who, from observing you over a period of time, could always predict your actions? Do you think anyone ever could?

The fact that you view losing control as a weakness tells me that you do need to control others because you don't want to feel weak.

No. I don't feel a need to control others. I just feel a need to control myself.

Self-control equals self-discipline and that is always a strength.

Loss of control is a weakness because it means you had no control over yourself or your actions. It's loss of control that often gets people into trouble.

Many criminals were caught due to loss of control, so I'd really like to know how you don't see it as a weakness.

It's impossible to always know what someone is going to do.

You might think you know someone, but you may not know them at all.

Is there anyone in your life who, from observing you over a period of time, could always predict your actions? Do you think anyone ever could?

You don't trust anybody else because of the chance that they might do something unexpected. This would result in you feeling a loss of control. This means that you don't trust yourself to be able to respond to whatever they may try. If you trusted yourself you'd see that you lose nothing by trusting someone to act the way that you believe they will because whatever happens you will be able to deal with it. Your lack of trust in others not only shows that you doubt your ability to predict outcomes, but also that you lack the confidence to react if they don't act how you predicted.

No. I don't feel a need to control others. I just feel a need to control myself.

Self-control equals self-discipline and that is always a strength.

Loss of control is a weakness because it means you had no control over yourself or your actions. It's loss of control that often gets people into trouble.

Many criminals were caught due to loss of control, so I'd really like to know how you don't see it as a weakness.

You're talking about loss of self-control, which is just one form of loss of control. When talking about trust the only form of loss of control comes when you're in a situation with other people. When ever I hear people talking about loss of self-control it always tells me that ultimately they don't trust themselves.

seeminglyplain wrote:Your lack of trust in others not only shows that you doubt your ability to predict outcomes, but also that you lack the confidence to react if they don't act how you predicted.

I've already had to fight for my life. So, I'm pretty damn sure I have the confidence to react.

To say I don't trust others is to assume that I never trust anyone, but that's not true. I trust others to an extent, when I feel they've earned it. I'm just not naive enough to believe that you can ever really know someone well enough to always be able to predict their actions.

People aren't robots. They make decisions and they change decisions. While you can recognize specific patterns in their behavior to an extent, it's impossible to always predict what someone is going to do.

When ever I hear people talking about loss of self-control it always tells me that ultimately they don't trust themselves.

I don't fully trust myself because I have acted on impulse in the past, so I know for a fact that I can't always trust myself. That's why self-control is so important to me.

I've already had to fight for my life. So, I'm pretty damn sure I have the confidence to react.

To say I don't trust others is to assume that I don't trust anyone, but that's not true. I trust others to an extent. I'm just not naive enough to believe that you can ever really know someone well enough to always be able to predict their actions.

People aren't robots. They make decisions and they change decisions. While you can recognize specific patterns in their behavior to an extent, it's impossible to always predict what someone is going to do.

You don't have to believe that you can ever really predict what someone else is going to do all the time in order to trust others. Just that if you're wrong about them you'll be able to deal with it.

I don't fully trust myself because I have acted on impulse in the past, so I know for a fact that I can't always trust myself. That's why self-control is so important to me.

I have acted on impulse myself plenty in the past, but it doesn't concern me, because I know that I can deal with whatever happens after the fact. I trust myself completely, and can't really comprehend not trusting myself. This is why I can't relate when people on here say they're struggling with urges. If I get an urge to do something, and that urge sticks around for a while, I do it. This is because I trust myself to either not get caught, or if I do, have no problems adjusting to the outcome.

seeminglyplain wrote:You don't have to believe that you can ever really predict what someone else is going to do all the time in order to trust others. Just that if you're wrong about them you'll be able to deal with it.

I agree. You don't have to believe it, but you have to have some caution, otherwise you're just a victim waiting to happen. Of course, that doesn't mean you should go around thinking everyone is going to victimize you because obviously not everyone will. It's just using discernment.

I have acted on impulse myself plenty in the past, but it doesn't concern me, because I know that I can deal with whatever happens after the fact.

I know I can too, but I value my freedom too much to just throw caution to the wind.

Only a fool walks on thin ice knowing it will inevitably crack beneath him.

I trust myself completely, and can't really comprehend not trusting myself. This is why I can't relate when people on here say they're struggling with urges. If I get an urge to do something, and that urge sticks around for a while, I do it.

I'm guessing your urges don't relate to murder...

OP: I'm not so sure anymore.

I've mentioned a few times here before how the only people I'd ever loved are my siblings. Lately, I've been having doubts about that.

My 5. m. o. brother ended up in a hospital in a pretty serious condition, possibly lethal. What bothered me the most about the whole situation is that I'd have to be bothered with taking care about my other little brother and that I'd have to act all gloomy with concern about the baby when I actually had plans to go to Italy. It really wouldn't bother me much if the kid died. Sure, I'd probably miss seeing him smile for a while, for he has the cutest smile I've ever seen... but that's about it.

I still like making them laugh and buying them things, though. I'd feel angry if someone tried to hurt them. I tolerate them when they get on my nerves. But that's all. It doesn't bother me when they cry or they're sad, I just comfort them to make them shut up.

I still consider my feelings for them (whatever those are) my week spot and I wish I could eliminate those emotions.

does love always mean self-sacrifice?

but I think that question is tricky itself...because what is the self?

what if your self is bound up in other people? where they are extensions of you...doing something for them is doing something for yourself in your mind it may seem.

-- Fri Feb 13, 2015 3:15 pm --

Xena wrote:This thread was getting... awkward.

why?

anyone else notice anything weird about thread?

I would say hate isn't the opposite of love, indifference is. Whether you hate or love someone, you keep tabs on their life and spend time thinking about them. If you are indifferent, you don't give a f*ck either way. In my opinion, love and hate are at least somewhat intertwined bc one can turn to the other based on a single thing that comes out of the other person's mouth. I would agree that love is a weakness though, DS. You can get away with murder and manipulate someone into anything if they love you and believe that you love them (or just want to believe that).

@ crys: Threads like these were always like trying to teach a bunch of blind people what it's like to see, while they blah blah about how inferior sighted people are and whine about their 'boring' braille lessons.

They just don't get it, then some of them use their half learned lessons about *sight* to try to manipulate. And they're so bad at it. Half the time I don't know whether to be furious on principle, or just feel very very sorry for the fools who think they actually understand emotion.

Even apes feel love and mourn their dead friends. Don't you people grasp how ###$ up you are?!?

(Yeah, I'm bracing myself for the same bickering match I've had a dozen times over that ^ statement. Bring it on, I guess. For me, awkward giggles were always the best part of this forum )

Anyway, I'm with xSid on the hate issue. Hate is a reactionary, fleeting emotion that can't last. I've only felt true hate maybe a dozen times. The $#%^ is poison. You can't hang on to it or it will make you sick. It's meant to be used to propel justice (or revenge, depending on how you look at the situation) quickly and effectively and that's all. You can't build a life around it.

Love (as long as it's real love and not something covetous or degrading to its target) is the opposite in that respect as well. Love heals psychological wounds and allows people to grow. If it's real, it grows better, deeper, more real as time passes on.

Idk why people on this forum have always had such a hard time swallowing this statement bc it's true. I'll say it again bc it's worth repeating. If a person isn't sure that what they're feeling is love, then they're not feeling love. It's as unmistakeable as an orgasm, a sunburn, or a full tummy after a good meal.

Hate is poison, but also fuel and a way to mantain boundaries and "sanity" after trauma.

Hate is a very powerful survival and motivation tool, just like anger.
If you're an anxious or competitive person, hatred comes in easily. A lot of peopel feel strong hatred forever, even if slighted very, very lightly.

Makes sense, though. It's like a mouse in a maze, getting shocked when he takes the wrong way. Now he hates and/or fears that corner that schocks him. He can either avoid it or go after it to destroy it.

Revenge is actually healthy for that reason. Problem is, some people believe themselves entitled to take revenge for very selfish reasons - throwing everything off balance.


As human emotions usually go, everything is actually healthy and functional for society as a whole. But when you mix in personalities that are exceedingly selfish and/or not flexible at all, they tend to ruin ANYTHING. Then you gotta ban and frown upon certain behaviors, because really, you just can't tell what is justified and fair, and will do good, when you factor in malicious people who are distorting things due to an inflated sense of self or w/e self centered reason.

That's why PDs are essentially classified as "unflexible, self centered, low self directedness". This is really the basic recipe for someone who will simply crap on society or any relationship regardless of what they do. No harmony, no rhythm, a homo sapiens who broke from the pack. A cell who doesn't work in resonance with the tissue. Cancer.