Borgesius wrote: Problem is, there's no listing of therapists willing to work with pedophiles so we kinda have to wing it and hope whoever we go to is okay with it. There's no knowing how they'll react until you actually tell them.
There's a huge amount of informational politics in the life of a pedophile - I have to keep fastidious track of who knows what about me and who might suspect something's up, along with how I imagine they might react if they knew my secret. Every interaction has an assessed risk, and specifically going to a therapist to tell them about this ranks somewhere around telling my best friend: it's a huge risk, and I would only take it if I felt I needed to.
Dear Borgesius, I can't imagine how difficult it must be to struggle with a condition like pedophilia and I am truly sorry that our society has made it so difficult for you to find help. I know that you did not choose to have the thoughts and feelings of this disorder, and I know that it is very likely that you do not want to experience those thoughts or feelings any more than society wants you to. I wish things were more designed to help you successfully manage or overcome this paraphilia and I hope that one day I will have the opportunity to play some small part in making it easier for pedophiles to not act on their thoughts/desires.
As far as finding a therapist who treats pedophiles, Child Molestation Prevention and Research institute has a listing of therapists who have registered as willing to treat pedophiles http://www.childmolestationprevention.o ... tml#states
I understand how scary it must be to take any steps to reach out for help but as a future therapist I want to assure you that I am not alone in my hope to help people like you.
"Isn't it also mandatory if they suspect abuse may occur? That's my impression, and it complicates things because it's up to the therapist to decide if their suspicion is reasonable. That could imaginably be an anecdote where a father gets an erection bathing his son, or has fantasies about his daughter."
Well this is a complicated issue and I can tell you that if a client of mine told me either of those anecdotes I would first of all ask some pointed questions so that I could determine if there was a reasonable risk that the client might act on either scenario. The truth is, though, that reasonable risk and suspicion are both very subjective standards. In my opinion, and erection is an involuntary response to stimulus that by itself would not meet the standard of reasonable suspicion. I also believe that having a fantasy is not the same as acting upon it. Would I be worried by either? I think the fantasy scenario would worry me much more than the erection, and both warrant further discussion. It would be in the further discussion that I would determine if I felt there was a reasonable risk to the child.
None of my opinions will matter much for you, though, and the best advice I can give you is to interview the the therapist carefully and have a discussion about your their take on confidentiality rights and mandated reporting as far as the therapist understands these issues. You absolutely have the right to ask as many questions about this issue as it will take for you to feel safe with your therapist. You have the right to be treated with respect and empathy, and you have the right to receive treatment that is appropriate for your condition-- in a way that allows you to be open and honest enough to adequately address your problems. It is up to you, though, to screen carefully for a therapist who will respect your rights and be committed to helping you without casting judgment.
I think it is a heroic thing to face such a terrible demon, to do what's right, and to protect other's from your personal potential to cause harm. I do not believe that any of us, no matter how mentally healthy we are, is free of some sort of potential to harm other people-- it just so happens that most of us will never have to look that potential in the face like you have to on a daily basis. It takes an astounding amount of courage to accept this sort of truth about yourself and I commend you for putting in the hard work and effort that it surely must take to be the person you want to be instead of the person you could most easily be.