Any Positive Incest Experiences? *Trigger Warning*

Seems the only time I see mention of incestuous relationships is either in a porn/fantasy context, or when people come out as having had non-consensual or otherwise negative experiences. But I'm wondering if there is a significant number of positive experiences. My thinking is those who feel victimized make up only a small percentage of the total incestuous population. The majority of course probably aren't here so I realize pickings may be slim as it were. But surely not everyone has a negative view of it? I loved sex with a cousin growing up from 10 onwards and regard it as a very positive experience indeed. My reasoning comes both from my own experiences as well as how big a porn genre it is. If it were universally or mostly negative, it shouldn't have such a huge presences in the porn world much as simulated rape doesn't.

How old was the other cousin when this happened, and are you male or female?

i think it's a great thing that you have a positive approach with your past. i still keep on thinking of the guy i would've been had it not happened.

i read your post where you mentioned that if humans were living without labels, it would be much simpler.

i agree. i hope the other partner in your incest is also equally ok with the acts.

i'm still trying to figure out how to let go of the 'how life would've been had it not happened.'

It defies logic and common sense to think that "all incest is abuse" and that it will inevitably turn out badly. Statistically speaking, there must be millions of people who have had incestuous relationships, however brief. Why are they not flooding the courts and the therapists' offices, if all incest is abuse? Incest being illegal only drives the "true love" incest relationships underground. Since they aren't having any problems, they are definitely not going to risk borrowing trouble by coming aboveground.
Look at the fundamentalist Morman polygamists--there are over 75,000 polygamous families in Utah and Arizona. If it weren't for so-called "reality TV" we would have probably never even heard of them.

I had a positive incestuous relationship with my grandfather from ages 8 to 11 1/2. It was a loving relationship and mutually pleasurable. I don't regret it in anyway.

Well, I think this thread is missing a big piece of the picture in regards to this forum. This is a forum under the broader topic of abuse, and then sexual / incest is a type of abuse that is given its own forum.

Then I imagine there are probably online pocket communities for people who have had mutually-consenting incest relationships as adults with other adults. But you probably won't find many of them here, since they don't think of their experiences as abuse. Since technically, it wasn't abuse if it was between two (or more) consenting adults.

I think the huge line drawn in the sand is with children. Children are not sexual beings, beyond their own curiosity-driven self-exploration. And then often times children masturbate as a way of relieving stress.

But it doesn't even occur to a group of 9-year-olds to have an orgy. Those sorts of ideas have to be placed into their minds for them to act out such things.

And given that, in addition children are extremely open-minded and absorb pretty much everything as 'normal' that they experience, because they are in that neurological development phase of life where they are learning from adult models how to survive, relate, express, cope, etc.

So a perpetrator can teach a child-victim just about anything as being good and normal, so long as the child doesn't feel pained or endangered. So a relative could molest a child in a very 'nice' 'loving' way and the result is that the child would likely consider the experience 'positive'.

But the bottom line is that children are very vulnerable in this way, and they have the right to grow up and develop their own ideas of what is positive, right, pleasurable, etc when it comes to their sexuality. No adult as the right to mold a child's views/feelings about sexuality. But that's exactly what happens with 'nice' and 'loving' trespasses against children. The children don't get to form their own, natural/inherent views and feelings on the matter.

For people who grow up and realize that they were trespassed against in this manner as children, if it was from a relative, that often gives the abuse a few its own unique psychological dynamics (so to speak). It can feel different if some random stranger trespassed against you, compared to if someone who was supposed to protect you from such things was the one who actually abused you. It can come with a whole slew of trust issues in adulthood, for example.

But if two cousins grew up, fell in love and bought a house together, that isn't abuse. That's just their own private business. But this is a forum dedicated to survivors of abuse.

And in my opinion, any time an adult sexually engages a child, it's automatically abuse, no matter how 'nice' or 'loving' the adult supposedly acted, because it was a form of mental and emotional rape. And the mental and emotional aspect of it is actually what seems to lead to perpetuating abuse across generations. It's like, "If my uncle engaged in sexual acts with me when I was a child, and I didn't mind or I even liked it, then therefore it wasn't a wrong thing to do, which then means it wouldn't be wrong if I did that to my own nephew."

Victims often do mental cartwheels to try to avoid the reality that an adult (usually a caretaker) trespassed against them, but the real tragedy is when the result is that the victims grow up to defend child sexual abuse.

But consenting adults or even older teenagers (like 17-19) experimenting with each other or falling in love? Well that's a different thing, of course.

All just my opinion.

Totally agree with coppermoon.

Jimjustjim wrote:I had a positive incestuous relationship with my grandfather from ages 8 to 11 1/2. It was a loving relationship and mutually pleasurable. I don't regret it in anyway.

Like you here, for example. I am not judging you at all or trying to pick on you in any way. I am just trying to offer you another angle to consider about the situation, in case nobody else has ever given you this angle to consider before and in case you have never considered it on your own.

If you are a grandfather someday and have a grandson, do you think it would be wrong of you to sexually engage your child grandson, so long as your child grandson didn't say no to you?

I imagine that is the sort of eye-opening question that could be extremely difficult (emotionally) to answer.

If you feel that no, it wouldn't be wrong, then you are in a position of defending child sexual abuse as "not wrong". You are in a position of also assuming that if a child accepts the sexual interaction for any reason, then that makes it okay.

If you feel that yes, it would be a wrong thing for you to do, then you are in a position of acknowledging that what your grandfather did to you was wrong.

If your apply the thought process you use on yourself to your hypothetical future grandson, you run into more issues. You insist that it was a "loving" thing for your grandfather to have done, and you point out that it was pleasurable.

So would that mean that if you could convince your grandson that you were just "loving" him and make him acknowledge that he was having a physical, sexual response to the interaction (basically "see, you are enjoying it, after all"), would that mean that in your mind it would be okay for you to do that to your grandson, as long as you met that criteria?

I think victims often have a hard time standing up for their own rights, but it can sometimes be eye-opening when you put someone else in the shoes you used to be in. You have the same basic rights as any other child, though. You are no less deserving of those rights than any other child.

If you think it would be wrong to treat your future grandchildren the way you were treated, then some part of you understands that the way you were treated was also wrong. It doesn't become okay just because it was happening to you instead of someone else. You are no less deserving of basic rights than anyone else.

If you do feel that it would be okay to treat you own future grandchildren that way, then hopefully you can see how this form of brainwashing can lead to abuse spanning many generations.

How you feel is not "right" or "wrong" - it is just how you feel. People can't help what they feel. But my concern is that you were brainwashed into believing that you didn't have the same rights to not be exploited, manipulated, etc as other children.

This thread is inappropriate for this forum and is being locked.

Moved to paraphillias and unlocked..

Please continue the discussion in this forum, previous forum was unsuitable as it's a support forum for those who have suffered abuse.

Sbb..