Help understanding my relationship

Hi,
I'm at my wits end, and I'm hoping some of you can help.
My relationship has just ended. I ended it. My boyfriend I think may have ODD. But someone has only just said this may be what he has.

Can I please share some of our relationships issues on here, and can some of you tell me if this sounds true to ODD?

He lies a lot. He can't handle it if I tell him he's done something wrong - even when I try and approach it in a gentle way. He becomes very defensive and can say some extremely hurtful things.

I told him I felt he didn't care recently and he told me he was the only one that cared about me and that no one else cared about me, my friends and family don't care about me (even though they do)

He says I deserve to be spoken to this way because I've spoken rudely to him.

He gets angry at me because I interrupt him when he's speaking (this is normally because I feel what he's saying is unfair)

I was abused as a child and he puts a lot of blame on my issues. He shouts a lot and blames having glue ear as a child (but he never shouts in public or at other people)

He knows I have self harmed in the past and he knows my trigger words - when he gets frustrated with me in an argument, he uses the words over and over until I am so low I start to hurt myself and then he calls me a loony. When I said that he pushed me to hurt myself he exploded and said how dare I accuse him of making me hurt myself, and he punched the chair I was sitting in.

When I was in hospital with a broken leg, apparently I was rude to him, so he told me quietly so no one else cold hear that my mum didn't give a $#%^ about me, and then he went off to chat happily with everyone else on the ward.

When he gets really angry and nasty with me he says he is only reacting to my actions. But I have never said or done anything so bad as to warrant being shouted at in that way. I do not get personal. I tell him that he has done something to upset or hurt me and he flies off the handle and becomes horribly defensive and nasty.

He changes his thoughts constantly. One moment I'm to blame for everything, then he'll hold his hands up, then it's me again. I never know where I stand, but most of the time he's always putting blame somewhere.

He chats to lots of people everywhere but it always feel quite fake (a few people have noticed it's like he just wants attention) he has few friends and only one proper meaningful friendship. He had issues when younger. His dad left and he was trouble to his mum so she kicked him out, and he had to live with his grandparents and aunt, although he's rebuilt his relationship with his mum now.

If someone has ODD, can you never say how you are feeling to them if they have done something wrong?

Does it sound like he has ODD?

I would really appreciate your help. My world is falling apart. I love this man, but he has ruined my confidence and trust. Thank you.

A person with ODD is agressive and rebellious towards authority figures; parents, teachers, officers, etc. It often disappears after the age of 18 years because at that age, the person has more autonomy.

You don't have any authority over your boyfriend, and he knows that. Therefore, it's not very likely that ODD is causing his behavior. Keep in mind that I am not a psychiatrist though I was diagnosed with ODD when I was younger.

People with ODD don't lie and manipulate, and most of them certainly do not abuse you without any guilt. Yes, children with ODD can have temper tantrums, but again, he does not have any reason to react ODD-like, because he is an adult.

It sounds like your boyfriend has traits of antisocial personality disorder, and it does not sound like he is willing to change anything.

Please don't hope it gets better if he's not willing to change.

Also, you should never accept manipulations. It's in your best interest to leave him as soon as possible. You may love him, but a person who ruins your confidence and trust is not worth your love, attention and time.

AnnaB80 wrote:If someone has ODD, can you never say how you are feeling to them if they have done something wrong?

No. People with ODD mostly don't lack empathy to such degree. And again: ODD symptoms often show up to authority figures only. You don't have that over them, it's actually the opposite because you don't want to dump him.

Does it sound like he has ODD?

It sounds more like he has traits of antisocial personality disorder. For example, he is superficially charming, he is manipulative and he lacks empathy. Actually, it sounds a bit like psychopathy.

I hope this helps, and I hope that you will get over him. He's not worth it!