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My mind is all over the place this year. For the past few months - on and off - I have worried about being a child abuser. Here's how it is at the moment:
My cousin's-cousin had a child last year. The child isn't particularly pleasant to look at, and I seem to feel anger at the child. Before the child was born we used to do stuff all the time, and now we don't. I don't want to be angry at the child though. Every time I look at a picture I get this feeling, or urge that I want to hurt the child. Then I start to worry about being a child abuser, being scum, etc. I start to ruminate, but I never come to a valid conclusion. I'm too scared too if I'm honest. To scared of finding something there. It's heightened by the fact that when I was in my early teens I used to squeeze my little cousins to release my anger, almost as if I enjoyed inflicting pain. But I'm sure this isn't me. I have violence, etc. Am I a potential child abuser? Cause I'm bloody worried!
Not just a child abuser, but animal abuser as well. I used to hit my cousins dog at time, and felt no remorse. On reflection I feel bad, but bad that I might be evil, ###$ up! I love my cat, but sometimes I get this urge or impulse to squeeze him. I hate seeing animals and children on pain on TV, or is that just a front? At least, I don't think it is. But I cannot be sure of anything anymore...
Another thing as this isn't as constant as previous obsessions. When I thought I was a pedophile I couldn't get it out of my mind, but this comes and goes every few days...
Sorry for the rant...
- Consumer 2
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Hello, confusedboy18. It sounds like you are currently dealing with numerous unnecessary anxious thoughts. Please remember that thoughts are not reality. Simply having an ego dystonic thought of hurting this child doesn't make you a terrible individual. Rather than being a child abuser, it sounds like you are an excessive worrier who shows great compassion for other individuals. (Otherwise, you wouldn't be troubled by the thought). Everyone has innapropriate crazy, absurd, violent thoughts and urges at certain times, and it is simply your OCD over-analyzing the situation. Please don't beat yourself up over these thoughts- I recommend distracting yourself by doing something you're passionate about. You are giving yourself a lot of unnecessary grief. Ego dystonic thoughts are completely against a person's nature, and do not create any problems.
Remain calm, and at any moment you experience a worrisome or intrusive thought, don't become interested in it. This will cause the thought to lose its power.
- Consumer 1
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